Saturday, August 9, 2014

Rhythm and Peace

my front stoop

I'm learning or recognizing how much that I'm a creature of rhythms. Habits ,too maybe. But with the idea of rhythms I think of the ocean and the calming sounds of waves. I think recognition of this and just accepting it and living with it is peaceful. Like a piece of music, it all makes sense and flows when you acknowledge it and just let it happen. I've a history of getting too 'good and bad' or 'black and white' or ritualistic with things, so this 'music' and less rigidness brings peace.

I really noticed this today. It's August-school is starting, people squeeze in last vacations, the pools are still open, it's still hot. But , I--I am craving Fall. Fall-ishness of pumpkin candles, cold mornings, cold/ rainy movies, hot chai tea. I want to see the leaves change and take walks at the park. This just doesn't fit with August. I'm out of sync here. But I've always been like this. What can I say. I remind myself to live in the moment and enjoy each day. Embrace the end of summer.

The first 'eating'/'body' rhythm is kind of funny. If I'm eating in a balanced way with meals and have a balanced breakfast of carb/protein / fat at around 8 am , I will magically get hungry at exactly the same time each day. Stomach growling hungry at EXACTLY 10:47 to 10:48 am. I know this because I can be completely immersed in work and unaware of the time or maybe I'm taking a break or coaxing Angel to go outside , and suddenly I'm hungry. I look up and it's either 10:47 or 10:48 am. It's Always at the same time.

It happens over and over and over (and over again). For months now, err... maybe a year or so. I accept it. But I mean it is really gotta-do-something-act-on-it HUNGRY. The medications I take do not have an effect here--I've tested it. My choices are to have a snack or drink a lot of water because I have a set food plan for the day and I know I'll be eating lunch soon. Sometimes I plan the snack and sometimes I just sit with it. If the water doesn't do the trick I'll pick something random to eat-sometimes a protein drink or cheese and fruit or celery with peanut butter. I do it differently almost every time. I'm not in that black and white, rigid rhythm on this and that's cool. I like that.

After lunch , about mid afternoon I want something sweet. Sometimes I'll just have Hot tea or coffee with a piece of cookie or part of a protein / snack bar or yogurt with fruit. This comes from my mother's habit of a daily 3 pm break to smoke, read the Tv Guide, drink some water or Coca cola and have a sweet snack-- Cookies or Sara Lee. I visited my friend in Canada once at her family's Dairy farm and they all sit around and chat and enjoy their 'tea' like this as well each day- Coffee or tea and baked goods.

That part of me that reads British literature likes this 'tea' idea too. But the part that reads blogs and wants to improve/control my behavior and focus on food and weight loss is thinking--'this is a bad habit'. I tried chewing sugarless gum in the afternoon instead, but that Overstimulated my hunger. I cut out the gum when I realized it. These rhythms can be instructive. Honestly, there are days when I ignore all of this because I'm just too busy with work. I like that forgetting and not caring what happens--a rarity.

Now hear comes a new rhythm that I do not like. I'm talking hormones and 'lady time' stuff. I get hot or seem to have a hot flash between 4:00 p and 6:00. It's just a sudden thing-no sweating. Just Damn Hot. Then it dissipates. Even today on Saturday as I write this, I had that 6 pm hot flash. Nothing changed, I'm just sitting here as I have been for over 40 minutes. Huh!

Other things seem to come and go in a pattern and it has me on the alert right now. Sometimes I really get in to exercise , but then I get injured or sick with a cold or unusual 'lady time' stuff. Then, I can't exercise as much or the same way. I started riding a bike again a few years ago and crashed twice and needed steroid injections to my knees. I am scared of that kind of injury again.

Right now, I'm really enjoying the time I spend with exercise. My body feels strong and flexible. I'm doing Yoga and Zumba and weight training regularly again. I'm doing a 2 hour stint of Yoga/ then Zumba on Saturdays. I feel so energetic on those days. But other days I just rest. I don't want to do anything.

And, I'll feel that little twinge here and there-will my foot turn over or my back start hurting. I want to take extra care, so that I don't get injured. I also want to push myself because I feel so good, but I hesitate. This injury thing or another kind of illness is a pattern that happens season after season. I lose progress and have to start over. This is where a life of obesity is a struggle. I have to exercise a certain amount to lose and/or to maintain the weight loss I've had-to maintain a healthier lifestyle. You hear in the media-just walk x # of times, park a little farther away, do resistance training. When you can't do it, it feels wrong , it feels scary. I remind myself to seek balance in my efforts-to not go too overboard because that will be better than pushing myself to the point of injury or illness.

This is my only body. It's a wonder. It's precious. It's magic. When I feel too fat or see my one thigh that's bigger than the other or my batwing arms, I don't feel this way about my body. I pray this post or this little piece of rhythmic music I noticed today will keep those thoughts away.


Ok, so that's my little peace today . What are your patterns or rhythms ? What gives you peace?

1 comment:

  1. Your peaceful introspective post displays a rhythmic harmony many pursue and few achieve.
    A pleasure to read, PJ. Thank you for taking the time and effort to so beautifully describe your experience.
    I'm feeling a peace and clarity I've never known, ever--even when I weighed in at 230--I didn't have this inner peace and calm that fills me and dramatically changes my attitudes and perspectives. It's a calm confidence, a measured approach--a light air of patience and gratitude. Just being "okay" gives me tremendous peace. "Okay" with who I am and what I'm about feels so good-- not "who I want to be and what I need to be about--or what I'll be when I get to a magic number," -- to be okay, walking with a peaceful confidence now, today--still at least 100 pounds away from my healthiest weight-- is paramount, in my opinion, to my future success in making extraordinary care something that simply is, instead of something that feels forced and unnatural. Like a computer program running in the background of my life--giving me balance, boundaries and a foundation of peace--something I've pursued and haven't achieved, until very recently.
    You're amazing, PJ. Thank you for the inspiration you provide and your support. It's a gift you give by just being you, so beautifully. My best.

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