Working on being healthy in body , mind , spirit..135 lbs lost, then Maintained for a few years, and lately some regained. Working on it -in and out of Pjs
Saturday, February 9, 2013
To Ben and Jerry. keep your distance guys......
now imagine Darth Vadar's ominous theme music from the Star Wars' movies "Duh Duh Duh, Da DADA, Da DADA"
Didn't fall off the edge of the planet, but didn't feel like posting anything. Here it is another weekend. When I don't blog it's usually because things are going off track and I'm trying to care FOR my self enough to Take care OF myself. Really care. Nope, I didn't dive in to a box of cookies though I think I've had a cookie or two this this week . I have been journaling and recording food and feelings and exercise and sending an email daily to my nutritionist with my total calories for the day and exercise info. I don't like having to count calories, but keeping in a certain range seems to be a necessity. Getting to a lower range seems to be what is needed for weight loss. I'm a work in progress.
So I will share this tidbit, but not because I want to pick on my husband. He truly does not understand food addiction or obsessive compulsive behavior. Particularly , my issues. He has his own issues with food . We have issues together with food. I call it 'buddy eating'.
I had shared with him that Coffee Heath Bar Crunch Ben and Jerry's ice cream was..WAS..my favorite ice cream and a former binge food. I don't buy it. Though if I happened upon a single scoop of the stuff I would let myself have it as a one time thing because I truly like the flavor and consistency. Plus I would pine for it and obsess. One time things work for me.
But , 'in the ol' days I would go thru a pint in one sitting. I couldn't stop. Several pints a week. More than one a day? can't remember. I just know I had bought out that particular flavor from every grocery store within 5 miles of my apartment. I was rotating where I shopped because I knew the checker people would figure out my secret ..my little size 26 secret. You know, The taste disappears after a while when you eat a pint of icecream at one sitting. Then it's all about the visual. The visual is what sets my addict off.
So last night my husband tells me he bought me a pint of Ben and Jerry's coffee heath bar crunch ice cream as well as Ben and Jerrys strawberry shortcake frozen yogurt for him. You WHAT?!! In my head "You effin' WHAT?!!!!!!!".
.... and then my little addict's voice said ..'oh boy!'
But the caveat was that he had to serve it to me. I didn't want to see it , not even the closed container. He didn't get it but he measured out a serving. oh, and then another.
This morning I counted up the calories and I sent the email to my nutritionist with the fact that I HAD poured soap on the rest of it. (my sure proof method of spoiling food that I don't need to eat. only throwing in the trash without soap is a lost cause). But, I hadn't yet and was on my way to do it and get ready for the gym. I opened the container and looked in. I chipped off a piece of heath bar with my finger and sucked on it. Suddenly, I realized how good it looked and there wasn't that much left. Oh my gosh, look at the way it looks !!!!...and smells............oh I want it. I'll just eat it . what the heck.
it's like a crazy , sped up thought process and a tug of war in my soul. Then there comes a moment of truth. Wow, it's the visual in the container and holding it and the brain remembers and that really cinches the appeal.
NO! that's the damn addict voice.
3 squirts of Palmolive dishwashing liquid and a squirt of water. Lid on. Toss in trash. FREE ^^^ F R E E ^^^
I told him about it later and he didn't get it. He didn't understand at all. I know he was probably hurt. But the point of doing it was to teach him that I can't handle it and he needs to stop doing things like that. I wish he could have been in my head and soul in those moments.
I'm a Geek for many things: Food, Pajamas, Coffee, Chocolate, Movies, Books, getting and being fit and healthy, 80's music, and the list goes on and on .....A nurse, a diabetic, I've lost over 130 lbs and have more to go . And I actually enjoy working out.
I chose the names of Ms. PJ Geek and PJ and Pounds because I have happy memories of childhood, coming in dirty and sweaty from playing in the yard. Then taking a bath, putting on a fresh nightgown and feeling all new again . I felt like a princess. Fresh renewal. .........
All names and situations will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, and so I can keep my job. While I am a nurse, I do not intend this to be a blog with specific directions or guidelines for healthcare. And.....though I have a college degree, that was a long time ago ya'll, and I don't remember proper punctuation or grammar.