Worst Patient ..kinda gross and the little food addict that could, DID

Kind of a whiny post written for myself for future reference. I mean whining. Fell off the food / health /normal relationship food wagon and climbing back on.

Nurses make the worst patients. I woke up Friday feeling like an 18 wheeler had driven over me. I dragged my arse in to the toilet and when I sat down I thought my knee was going to dislocate at a horizontal angle. I realized my shoulder, elbow, hips, heck Every joint ached. My head hurt. My ear hurt. My face hurt. I couldn't understand what my husband was saying, My throat felt like a canker sore ..UGGH. And then I found my self making cheese grits--the uber southern comfort food.

I've been having sore throats off and on since late January. The weather in Atlanta is crazy, flowers and trees are blooming, and the pollen count is high and I'm allergic. So I've been taking my antihistamines--most of the time. But the sore throat got worse this week. I had cold chills and a few waves of nausea. I did what I could. Anything. ANYTHING but go to the doctor and have to take antibiotics. I figure most things are viral or just post sinus drip. But I also had spots on my face. Now, I figure it's strep or flu. I reviewed Web md and was sure it was either.

I've never called in sick at my job--9 years. I've called in with family and pet deaths, roads iced over, but never because I'm sick. I work at home. I suffer through. I considered calling in sick. I decided to call my boss and see If I could work in the morning and then take off early . I sound like a croaking frog. She suggested I go to the doctor. Hmmm, that's a novel idea. I'm talking to one of my doctor co-workers and she tells me don't leave the doctors office without tamiflu or antibiotics. yes ma'am.

I go to the doctor. The scale was not my friend. Drat! I ate Chinese food this week and veggie pizza a few night ago and a wee bit o' chocolate. I'm bummed and my throat hurts . The doctor ( nurse practitioner actually) listens to my rambling ideas and symptoms, and excuses. Examines me. Strep tests me.

Diagnosis: Constant allergy and sinus drainage have finally turned into a sinus infection. Just a sinus infection. (But nothing turned green?) I leave with antibiotics. I go to Kroger and get the prescription filled and to pick up just a few things.

My inner food addict takes charge and starts picking out goodies to eat. I'm obsessed that they don't have cinnamon raisin bagel chips. I search the store twice through for them . What's up Kroger? !!!!!? That obsession feeling is the inner food addict. She's been dampened down lately . She knows what makes me feel better -for the moment. She has big ideas. My higher and wiser self kicks in and talks her down from a rampage through the chocolate and bakery and bread aisle.

But that little Beyatch is crafty! I don't go HAWG wild. I had some (very little) restraint. Thoughts of a loaf of raisin bread toast. A whole loaf or the buy two get one free Reeses Cups circle around my head. I submitted to a few whimsical decisions. just a few guilty pleasures. things I would not normally get --all in one trip to the store. There's veggies and fruit in the cart too. I buy a book randomly at the checkout counter The Pioneer Women's Black Heels and Tractor Wheels. This is the old PJ. . Oh and greek yogurt so I don't have bad girlie side effects from the antibiotics.

It took from yesterday to about 5:45 pm to live my debauched food addict life and completely read the book. Then I watched two episodes of FAT CHEF on the food network and one episode of Not My Mama's Meals starring one of Paula Deen's boy's making amends by cleaning up his mama's recipes ( with mama right along whining about butter). I got up and cleaned the kitchen . Sorted out the "bad food". Wrote this post. Here I am , starting over again.

I'm not proud. It was definitely a "defenses are down" kind of thing. I personally don't think I can afford this kind of behavior, but it's done. The bizarre thing is that I know it's partly just not feeling good and not being happy about the scale and feeling anxious about calling in sick at work. And the other thing is that because of my throat and my antibiotics, nothing tastes right. But I still ate crap. It is hard to forgive and forget. trying.