Riding the Waves of Desire

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Sounds like a romance novel with a woman in a flowing gown with her shoulders bare and a dark haired man ready to savage her lips. (ok, yes I HAVE read too many romance novels)...Bear with me, it has to do with health and weight control and food /diet / weight obsessions.


But I looked at the calendar and realized January 31 is here, and we are officially about to embrace the chocolate month of February. Resolutions by now are forgotten or resolutely clung to by one's finger nails or just firmly hanging in there and not perfect. I didn't make official resolutions, but have , as I always am, working to be a better me-a better steward of my life. I fit the third category-firmly hanging in there and not perfect.

I realized today I haven't shared about this and it is something I use every day many times a day. Often, I actually visualize the metaphor. I read in my internet searching about "surfing over the waves" when one is battling addiction . The metaphor of literally just having wave after wave of addictive thoughts and desires and imagining yourself surfing over it. ( I do not recall where I read this, but I'm sure it would help if you wanted to read more to google it.) This example was in reference to alcoholism , but I think my diet/ food / weight control obsessing is as much addictive and destructive to me and my life as alcholosim is.

I am not a surfer--truly balance challenged, so I've had to adjust it.
I guess I imagine I'm just boogie boarding or floating over the waves. How often they come and the forms are so surprising. Maybe, it is really just becoming a practice of being more wise and taking care of myself and thinking through things. And asking for my higher power to give me a hand a little bit. Which is what I need to do not to respond immediately to my inner "I want it now" child -food addict--strict dieter---worrier and obsessing self.

Today, I have already boogie boarded quite a bit and it's only 9:30 am.

1. I thought about weighing . " I had that killer Pilates class and my abs are just now no longer sore and feel flatter.. I wonder what I weigh?"
There are then many more thoughts about weight, my body, guilt, excitement and then I remember this metaphor. AND that I only weigh on Thursdays for my sanity. That' my rule. Crested that wave.

2. While fixing breakfast this morning, I spy some chocolate with my little eye....."MMMM, chocolate. Dark Hershey kiss." Nope..... nada, NADA!!

I have found that completely restricting drives me to deprivation , drives me to over doing it. they are there . It isn't a sin for me. I've gone years without sugar and then gained a hundred pounds gorging on it. For today, it's there AND I can have it, but once I start having it it will be hard to control . I'd rather savor it with no guilt another time................Crested that one.

3. I became determined to take a water aerobics class tonight. " One more try at that gym and then I'll know if I want to change gyms." ( I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE GYMS but I think I NEED TO CHANGE GYMS) I call my friend who has a free pass I would use and it goes to voicemail..... I think about what I would wear. no swim shoes--I'll have to buy swim shoes! Do I have a towel? Oh, my hair will get wet! It's cold!(these are some of the thoughts)

But then I remember my sore throat. My throat reminds me with a tickle of my sore throat. "Wrong move, girlie. Wait till the throat / cold issues are over. Go to the current gym." Made it through that very tiny swell.

Now, I'm out of the water and on the beach. And very aware how easy it is to slip in to that thinking and that struggle with those waves. So I walk along the water's edge. I have a plan for today and I'm sticking to it and I can float over waves if I need to.