The highlights and low lights of my last few days. It can only get better. It has to. I'm going to a woman's retreat in the mountains this weekend and it couldn't come a moment sooner.
Friday
My friend's dad's wake----obnoxious woman , who I just met, asked me how much money I make. " That's not something I really go around talking about" and she rolled her eyes. I was proud that I didn't blurt anything out because I'd just poured a glass of scotch thinking it was wine and had taken a big swig. there was chocolate all over the place at this house. foreshadowing.
Saturday
Started off the day forgetful. I left the purse and money at home which I realized while I was in line for coffee at dunkin donuts. $5 bill stashed in glove department. woo hoo. java fix.
First water aerobics class was great. It was 27 degrees outside. The inside heated pool was freezing. Everyone promised me it was never that cold. The jacuzzi spa afterward -- heaven.
Charged up the Kindle and read half of a book.
The rest of Saturday--a blur.
SUNDAY
My husband was acting distant, it was him -not me/us but that always increases my internal stress drive and focus on food.
Went to church alone and teared up.
-Spent $10 at Moe's for grass fed beef steak on a salad. Spent $6 for taco bell for hubby and got twice the amount of food.
-Sunday afternoon is a blur.
-I talked to a friend who makes me seem relatively healthy, mentally and physically . I kept wanting to help fix him . Then I realized I really need to focus on me.
I think we watched The Italian Job
-Downton Abbey on PBS -I watched it twice. Golden (snooze) globes.
Monday
-Maybe the second worst dream / nightmare I've ever had on Sunday night. I couldn't even go in the bedroom after the dream the next day, it felt like there was bad ju ju. We changed the linens and I lit candles. Still shook up on that one. Can't even write it down .
I dream in 3D with HD technology and the bad one's get stuck in my brain in complete detail and effect me for days . Thursday will probably be another dream-focused therapy session. Can I get an erase button ?
-As a result of the dream and the bad ju ju I ate too much and used television as an anesthetic. too many movies, too much tv: The news' replay of the Globes, The Company Men. Somewhere. One Way to Val Halla. The Switch. and several Big Bang Theory episodes for the 2nd , third and fourth time.
Tuesday
Butt numbing work.
Too much thinking.
I'm over the Biggest Loser , 4 ever. Can't even watch 5 minutes.
Sorry this was a downer. But sometimes life is like that. When I look at it as a whole, there was a lot of escape going on and just..nothing... What a waste
Do you ever want to hit erase?
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((((((((PJ)))))) I know how you are feeling and some days, I am right there with you, When Dail is distant, for whatever reason, nothing is right with my world and I worry that he is thinking of leaving again. He gets depressed in the winter just like I do and tend to withdraw in himself when he is down.Things are really stressful at work for him now and so he has not been himself. I'm worried sick about him and our relationship.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that someone would be crass enough to ask you about your income at a wake. That is completely rude and inappropriate. You handled it better than I would have. I might have thrown my drink in her face. I tend to react before thinking some times. At the very least I would have said "none of your effing business." People amaze me sometimes. Good for you for handling it with grace.
I never really got into the biggest loser. I don't like the idea of someone making money on forcing overweight people to exercise. Once they are off the show, then what happens? They are left on their own to gain it all back. I just couldn't get into watching that.
I hope that today you feel better and that things look brighter. I will keep you in my thoughts today. Hugs.
There have been many times I want to hit erase, especially on 6 months of my life last year.. but once time has had a chance to heal, I realize how important those events and memories are to us. When crap is happening and I am not as happy as I think I should be, I draw up a list of what is stopping me.
ReplyDeleteI tackle the ones I can and change my attitude about the stuff I can't. I recently posted about this.. but sometimes you just have to learn to accept and love the dandelions.
In my own experience, winter blahs and mindless watching of TV are a terrible combination. Sometimes the only thing to do is go for a walk. I hold therapy sessions with God in my head (He listens, I rant) and I just keep walking until I feel better.
ReplyDeleteI have never been able to watch The Biggest Loser. Something about it rubs me the wrong way -- the public shame? the lack of real-life? Those trainers aren't going to stay with them forever.
Here's wishing you a happier weekend.
~Karen
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