Yesterday's snack was coffee and a fortune cookie.
YOU CONSTANTLY STRUGGLE FOR SELF IMPROVEMENT.
Aint't it the truth.
That deserved a laugh and a place of honor on my computer monitor. Now , my husband and I usually joke "in bed" after we read a fortune cookie. Yep, that too probably , but I haven't shared this fortune with the man yet.
I had to do a tricky thing which was to go to the grocery store after work. Armed with list in hand , I Krogered with the best of them. My husband wanted Large chocolate Entenmanns' Donuts. They don't do a thing for me, but I could not bring myself to buy them. 270 calories each. I can't enable THAT much ..he needs to do better . I've told him before he needs to get his own drugs.
Ok, but I did buy him the box of 10 small ones...AND...a box of Skinny Cow chocolate crisps (trying to bring him over from the dark side). For myself, I did well though I walked by and fondled the Christmas M and M's candy on sale for 70% off a couple of times. Fondled but did not purchase. I could not find one item at all--carpet deodorizer. Cleaners yes, and they mentioned deodorizing, so I got that.
I get home and get barked at for buying the wrong stuff and for not getting him what he really wanted. Barked is a soft way of saying yelled at. Memories of my OCD mother who would throw a real( I mean REAL) hissy fit , if I bought anything wrong at the grocery store ( like grape jelly instead of jam). He was pissed at me all night, but finally mumbled an apology as I got in bed later.
I ate over it. that's what I do. Arguments, especially over stupid and banal things like this trigger me. I didn't binge . I just ate a little extra this, a little extra that--we're talking around 250 calories. That, in itself, is progress as far as the amount of food and duration and calories. I consciously stopped.
The kicker is that before I ate, I had picked up my meditation book The Upper Room and started to read the meditation for the day to try to not go down that path, but couldn't read it because I was so --angry -hurt-triggered.
I just read that meditation this morning, and Smack me on the head! God, the Universe, and the fortune cookie were all there for me, but I blindly took the wrong path. The meditation that I couldn't read was about being really angry with someone and working through that anger to find peace rather than sitting with the anger and turning to temptation. It was a test and I failed.
But I'm so glad God's there smacking me on the head with little tests, because I know I'm on the right path and he/she's there for me.
Sometimes my husband diets with me and sometimes not. I never insist though and if he wants junk in the house, I let him bring it himself. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it.
ReplyDeleteHope today is better for you. The fortune is the truth.... Be well.
ReplyDeletePJ, can you ask your dh to do what Karen's does, and purchase his own poison? (My husband calls all sugar & processed foods "poison.")
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on the emotional eating and the need to find peace instead of turning to temptation. Through God's grace, every day is a new day.