Cold enough to wear layers. Driving through the country to view and ooh and ahh over the Fall colors. Breakfast in front of the fireplace at Cracker Barrel. A visit to the last farmer's market of the season --windy and cold. Veggies on the cheap--time to roast up some eggplant,squash, garlic, and tomatoes. Had a random and nice chat with a veteran of the Korean war who was trying to keep his tent from blowing away. New gloves at K mart. The circulation in my fingers isn't what it once was, so I tend to wear a couple of pairs when I'm out walking the dogs. A few oohs and ahs at Hobby Lobby over kitschy decorations I'll never buy. Two Christmas gifts purchased. A cup of pumpkin spice tea. A scary movie. A sleepy dog in my lap. Clothes washing, clothes drying. I stuck to my pledge of buying no socks, candles, pjs or house goods, though I did eye some pjs and fondle some fleece socks. Darn it..Got plenty of my own--I'm about to sort my giant load of clean socks. I am a girl of simple pleasures. Hope you are all finding peace and warmth on this autumn day.
I had the day off today and I've spent it at home cleaning. This is monumental. Well, it's actually out of desperation. Having things orderly and cleaned up gives me a sense of peace. Not too peaceful in Casa-Pj.
There are so many things that need to be done. First, I cleaned up part of the kitchen and organized a few things. Part of me wants to just go to the gym and then hang out at the bookstore all day. No..home..peace..self care.
Then, the major clean up began. So overwhelming. I started with the focus on laundry. Dirty and clean laundry clog up the bedroom, living room, hallway, and laundry room in this house. It has to be done.
Here's but a bit of what I did: sorting laundry, resorting laundry in to larger more space efficient boxes, resorting these boxes in order to be washed next to the washing machine. Washed and put up a bunch of laundry. One whole basket of socks! I'm ashamed to see how many socks we have.
Lunch break and watched a Lifetime movie with Harry Connick Jr and Rene Zellwegger fast forward with the dvr. Ahhhh ..Harry
Then, putting up clean laundry until halfway through I just was over it. So I bagged up 2 large yard size garbage bags of clothes to go to Good Will. Sorted out a box of books to go to the used book store . Bagged up trash and boxes to the garage. Fortified logs to the back fence because the two labs next door were trying to make their great escape in to our back yard. Lot's of sweeping. The Cat box area is immaculate.
At least twice I stopped and curled up in to the fetal position in a ball on the bed (amongst the clean laundry). Here's what I tell myself:
" Oh My God! " " I'm a hoarder. " ......"I need to hire a team of people , but I'm too embarrassed. "..." I can't stand this "........"I give up"..."Can't give up, move to another area and just start doing a little...." " Do 10 minutes" ....This is somewhat tongue in cheek, somewhat not. arrgh.
Another break, I called my sister as her fiance' is in the hospital getting cancer treatments. They had watched an episode of Hoarders and admitted they had some serious sorting , donating, and throwing away to do themselves. I felt a little better. Now if I can just keep up the momentum. OY!
Ok, I'm going to saddle up now and go walk the dogs and start loading up the car with boxes and bags for Goodwill. I skipped the gym today and felt guilty but then realized I was working out somewhat.
Tomorrow, another off day to deliver these goods, doc appointments, and have lunch and wander around Atlanta with a friend.
Here is what I know. I commit to you all , myself, and the universe .
I Will Buy NONE Of The Following For The Rest Of The Year --Socks --Candles --Tote bags or shopping totes of any kind --Floral anything --Workout clothes --PJs--gulp! --Throws, fleece , blankets, sheets, towels, baskets, mugs, kitchen anything..house anything
Books--trade in for used or shop amongst my own library. For anything else (other than grocery / household supplies)--shop in my own house first or donate an item to GoodWill before buying new.
self care. sleep. journaling. coffee. apples galore.
Zumba lite ( first time I've zumbad since the 'great knee incident after the GO GO's concert that involved steroid injections and physical therapy '. continued knee exercises and icing of knees. danced at the DURAN DURAN concert and knees -all good
affirmations. reading Beatrix Potter books. planned treats.
trying on clothes at Old Navy and confirming I'm still an XL not an XXL. watching "The Big Bang Theory". snuggles with the dogs.
following the plan. drinking water and Constant Comment Tea. realizations.
saying no, saying yes, saying maybe later.
saying "I'm ok. I'm a good person." new pjs. short and frequent walks.
still working on it but wanted to say Hey!....I've got a couple of days off this week from work and I plan to do more of the same.
From Halloween to Christmas, I'm in FULL Peanuts mode
I've been living on the edge off and on for years. I started thinking about this when I was reading my Kindle in the bathtub. It's not that I don't value the Kindle, but I guess I value reading in the bathtub more. That sounds stupid even to me.
I took a look back at living on the edge for me. Overall, I see a theme of disconnection. Disconnection from what I need to be doing or disconnection from what might be best for me. Also, the "Edge" is different over time. It's all relative.
The early years--lying to teachers, climbing trees that were too tall that I had no business climbing, crawling through drainage pipes under city streets, trespassing -on many occasions
The college years -waiting to study for an exam the night before the test, - eating dinner in the cafeteria and sharing a pizza with friends later on while studying, -getting my first credit card in college when I had no business getting one
The just-after-college "St Elmo's Fire" years aka my 20's--going dancing with friends until 4 am after working the 3pm to 11 pm shift and then sleeping in until it's time to go to work again for the next 3 pm shift....Or going out alone to see a band play in the Atlanta warehouse district where skinheads worked as bouncers. Food binges, spending binges, filling out yet another credit card application
The early to mid 30's years--running up multi credit card debt, leaving a steady job and job security of 9 years to pursue a dream to travel around the country as a travel nurse, eating and drinking in a small Mexican border town--more than once, and the equivalent of on line dating at the time -classified ad dating
And now the 40's-- skipping my vitamins or daily meds, reading my Kindle in the bathtub, not opening or reading the mail until it was weeks old and then dealing with the consequences, falling off the wagon so to speak as far as exercise and food plans.
Quite a difference over the years in what living on the edge means. I can't believe some of the things I've done. I chuckle and cringe and wince and shake my head as I look over this list ( as well as the things I didn't put in this blog.) In other ways, it all seems very "vanilla". I believe in the theory that your mistakes help shape you as well as your struggles and successes.
I have no idea where I was going with this , but I'm posting it any way. Living on the edge.
I don't know about every one else, but I sometimes have to bolster myself before going in to the grocery store. I give myself a 'talking to' or as a friend calls it " a come to Jesus" moment. Truth, honesty, hope and strength in a pep talk. I remind myself that the Halloween candy will be out. And that I don't like the way this feels or that looks or worrying about my health . I MUST string along consistently good day day after consistently good day.
There's the 90% part of me that doesn't want to eat off my plan, doesn't want to over indulge , and only wants to eat what I should be eating. But that part has been known to just evaporate entirely sometimes. That's when the 10% part takes over and suddenly wants what she wants and has it. I know in my heart and head that I really don't need something. So the 'talking to' is for reinforcement for that little 10% ( the all powerful) that can really throw off my day.
So today, I had to give myself a talking to before going in to the grocery store. I was trying to avoid the temptations and siren calls of pumpkin bread and muffins and doughnuts at Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks which are right down the street from me (as well as the now 6 other bakery type places also within a mile of my house.)
I'm traipsing through Publix and I've filled up half the cart with fresh veggies and fruit and mini bags of pretzels to give out to the trick or treaters. I'm feeling quite smug and healthy. But I'm just on aisle two now, and I've got the whole store to go. Thoughts of French Vanilla Dunkin Donuts coffee and a Pumpkin muffin are still floating around me. I know better. I want better for me. But the thoughts are there. I admit it.
Then I spot it. A solution. Temptation is erased, or rather subverted.
Godiva coffee. They have "Fall Flavors" --Pumpkin Spice and Caramel Pecan Bark. Something about the Caramel Pecan bark seemed right. Here's the description: " Inspired by our signature bark, this medium roast coffee has a rich, smooth caramel and toasted pecan flavor with a creamy Godiva milk chocolate finish."
And this coffee erased all thoughts of Dunkin Donuts and baked goods. The only calories will be in a little creamer I add with sweet n low. Head down, I make it through the rest of the store-no problemo.
Just had some. It tastes as good as it sounds. It's the perfect compliment to the movie I'm watching for probably the 14th time Four weddings and a Funeral. Gosh did this movie really come out in 1994?
love the black and white from google images
Sorry, this isn't a giveaway post unless you take away this: that pleasures such as coffee and a good movie can trump obsessing and briefly having 400 to 600 calorie bakery items and all the guilt and shame that goes along with it.
Photo from the internet but the size of the catfish is about right. In the picture below that I took, the swirls of water are giant catfish opening their mouths to catch food. Hard to tell, but it kind of reminded me of piranhas. It freaked me out.
Well, I'm back from the birthday-weekend vacation with family at the casinos in Mississippi--a few dollars poorer, probably a few pounds heavier, but definitely a bit richer for spending cherished time with family. Paula Deen's buffet was visited (not my idea) and I had my 2nd annual birthday Kobe Beef Burger at the fancy steak place. Thankfully, the family agreed with me when I asked to skip the birthday song / cake / ice cream combo. (I might have had a little taste of pecan pie at Paula's earlier.)
Giant Kobe Beef burger and fries?..I could not eat it all.
I saw turtles and catfish the size of labrador retrievers swimming in the river outside one casino. The casinos sit beside or sort of on the Mississippi river, but these were definitely tourist attraction "wild life" since they had catfish food for sale in giant gumball dispensers. You would not want to fall in with one of these muthas.
So, I've been home a couple of days and working and sleeping and catching up on episodes of "The Big Bang Theory" that is on my dvr daily ( Thank you TBS). My new favorite show that I've never watched and has been on for like 4 or so seasons. Getting back on the diet plan too.
When I first came home, my two dogs kept me busy the first half hour demanding all my love and petting attention. The Cat looked miserable because he couldn't get in there for any love. So he stalked off right then in front of me and caught a chipmunk. He trotted back to me with the live chipmunk in his mouth. Royal Treatment! I had to scramble to get the sliding glass door closed before 'da kitteh' could deposit his catch in the house. I then swooped him up, he dropped the chipmunk; and after a few encouraging words, the chipmunk took off for the hills. Da Kitteh' was pouting and ready for round 2. It was time for a time-out in the garage for kitty, so the chipmunk could get some distance from the house. The dogs were oblivious to all of this.
I'm a Geek for many things: Food, Pajamas, Coffee, Chocolate, Movies, Books, getting and being fit and healthy, 80's music, and the list goes on and on .....A nurse, a diabetic, I've lost over 130 lbs and have more to go . And I actually enjoy working out.
I chose the names of Ms. PJ Geek and PJ and Pounds because I have happy memories of childhood, coming in dirty and sweaty from playing in the yard. Then taking a bath, putting on a fresh nightgown and feeling all new again . I felt like a princess. Fresh renewal. .........
All names and situations will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, and so I can keep my job. While I am a nurse, I do not intend this to be a blog with specific directions or guidelines for healthcare. And.....though I have a college degree, that was a long time ago ya'll, and I don't remember proper punctuation or grammar.