I haven't fallen off the radar just buzzing past it at warp speed. Here are the highlights:
--Car-I buy new / tried the used thing once and it didn't work for me. On an hourly basis I vacillate between the Nissan Cube or the Ford Focus Hatchback ( see pictures other post) or going out and trying something new again .
If there are ANY CUBE OWNERS OUT THERE, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING! I think in my heart of hearts I want the cube but my head is saying it isn't the better car.
--Health and Eating--going great. Following a plan and sticking to it. I've eaten more fruit and veg in a few days than I do in a week. No screw ups or mishaps. Just eating healthy. Weighing weekly. Working on the not obsessing thing.
--Exercise--Physical therapy twice a week and otherwise bike / walk /weights. I 've set goals to do the 2 sessions of therapy which usually includes some biking. Plus I do two bike sessions at gym and 2-3 weight training for upperbody at gym and I try to stretch daily. something about checking off the little boxes on my plan is a feel good thing.
--FALL---Today, sitting in therapy with first heat and then later ice on both knees I read the Oct edition of Family Circle magazine ( not this cover but similar). I'm a fall girl. Pumpkins, apples, cinnamon, leaves, walks. Have spent a couple of Autumns in Vermont, so my thoughts are with those guys dealing with the aftermath of Irene. I had a small bowl of krunchy fiber cereal with blue berries and then some cottage cheese with baked apple and sugar free maple syrup.. Now I'm drinking hot apple spiced cider tea and imagining it is cool. Come to me, Autumn.
Breakfast: Indulgent and lunch will be better. Prayers for the folks in the path of Irene.
Test Drive Car #1: Ford Focus with my husband. Gosh, it seemed much bigger when I drove it the first time. My husband freaked at the price as he tries to compare everything to what we paid for our current cars . Our 10 and 13 year old base model cars.
Tomorrow we tackle test drive #2 Nissan Cube. Kinda the wackier choice of the two, I know.
Then, Work out--yea!..Bike riding and weight training for an hour. Just 2 sessions of Physical therapy has been amazing. This is the highlight of this day.
The Kroger Dunkin Donuts Screw Up . In my previous post , I mentioned that Krogers had the 18 oz package of my favorite coffee on sale for a manager's special of $7.60. I got 2 packages, went back for more, and they were gone. Today, I went to another Krogers and their manager's special was to have the same size coffee on sale for something like $14.95 which was a lower price than the usual $19.95. Whew! I stuck it to the man and didn't even know I did at the time.
While at Krogers I realized I was actually very hungry and I only went in for 4 things. Bad news. I got some "healthy" pretzels. The only real healthy pretzel for me is simply the single serving version. This was too many pretzels. I had much anxiety and was very hungry. Lunch didn't turn out as well as I'd planned. I have no further interest in pretzels. None. But I do have one Pecan Pie Lara bar for a treat sometime this weekend.
Drinking water, flush the toxins, watching Doctor Who marathon and bloggin.
6 pm on a Saturday night, the weekend is half over. I feel I need to rescue my weekend. I can do this.
Good: I don't know what those managers at Krogers are thinking, but they have my favorite coffee on sale for a manager's special in the extra large 1 1/2 pound container for $7.60. This is about 1/2 off.( I jut saw this advertised for $24 on line while I surfed for a picture to post.) The 12 ounce coffee is nearly $10. I guess 3 pounds isn't enough, I'm going back. I'll have coffee to get me to the new year. I feel like I did when I hit the canned pumpkin jackpot last Fall during the big pumpkin shortage.
More good: Eating right about 80% good / 20% not as good is paying off. Focusing on really getting in there to stop any food binges by feeling feelings and journaling is working. Plus, I started exercising again ( riding the bike, weight training, physical therapy.) Weight is down about 8 pounds. woo hoo
This stuff is bad news. It gives that Willy wonka experience of really tasting the whole pie , for reals, in a stick of gum. Then a few days later you really crave an apple pie and consider / and do drive thru at Mcdonalds. 2 pies for $1-that is so wrong. Then you are thinking pie, pie, pie. No more of this stuff, addictive. I did result to just oven baking an apple with spices and that is my fix now for this craving while I detox from that gum.
Car shopping has been narrowed down to either a Ford Focus Hatchback or a Cube. The Cube is the one I'm embarrassed about. But it's the one that has stuck with me since I drove it a month ago. The Focus is very nice and better , way better, on paper . Gotta figure this out.
But as usual, it now is a waiting game because the hubby needs to go test drive the two choices. Our schedules don't exactly coincide, so this is a problem. But, no way Im going to buy something and then have an issue down the road, and have him say "I told ya so" ( which has, can and will happen).
A trip to the gym brings renewal and hope. Just a little recumbent biking , streching, and upper body weight training. No intensity, no sprints, no sweat. No pain. I enjoyed my music. Muscles were working. Hoping the quality over quantity method rules. Physical therapy session one on Wednesday.
Pj's: my "Jane Austen" girly , frilly lace nightgown.
Coffee: all gone, Cracker Barrell Pumpkin Pecan Pie flavored-ooh!
Sunday morning joy is lying in bed with hubby-me finishing up my good book on Kindle, Hubby looking at blogs. Here we are chatting with one dog snoring between us. As with almost every Sunday, we consider how good it would be to have pancakes and eggs from Ihop. Whoever puts my idea in place for a 'breakfast in bed' delivery company would make good money and would have a regular customer with us.
After yesterday's day of driving to car places and test driving cars and being no closer to a decision , I had come home to find that I felt sick and had a fever. I really don't want to go out today.
But what about Ihop? click , click the nutritional info on the Ihop site. Now when I get food from Ihop , I always get 2 or 3 meals out of what I get. I usually get the Simple Fit Blueberry harvest pancake breakfast and add extra turkey bacon and then eat half and save half for breakfast for the next day. Sometimes I really want potatoes, like today, so a Country omelet with turkey bacon and hash browns with the harvest grain pancakes. Click Click..the calories came to around 1300. Wow, if I ate that in 2 breakfasts that is still about 700 calorie. Crap. My husband's choices came to 1800 calories. THIS is what derails all the efforts that are made to lose or maintain a weight. Not that it isn't ok to have this, but the less often the better if one is concerned about gaining weight when they can't exercise hard.
My response, "Heck!. ....We are starting a new meal delivery system. We are not gong to have a calorie blow out. I'll make breakfast!"
Aunt Jemima oatmeal pancakes and sugar free syrup, whole wheat / high fiber toast, scrambled egg, turkey bacon. All total , around 440 calories and eaten in PJs. Then the kitty climbed in my lap for a nap because he doesn't feel good either. Calorie crisis averted.
Scary news stuff about the economy. To be honest I don't like to listen to the news or watch it. That's me, turtle with my head in the shell. I work all day with patients getting cancer and pneumonia and having car accidents. I can only take so much , ya know.
That being said, we got pre-approved for a car loan with a low , low interest rate through the credit union. My little boost to the economy. Things are breaking on my dying Honda, so I had to get my butt in gear. I'm using a car shopping business through the credit union which means I go to the dealer and deal with a rep who is going to dicker with the car shopping business , not me, to get the sale / get me the best price. I've got appointments to go test drive some cars today. Yep, peeling my behind out of the sofa cushions and my eyes from the Kindle.
Knees are sore. The Cortisone is working but not like it did last time. I'm going to go to the gym and pedal the recumbent bike to see what that does. They have one bike on the main level and the rest of the bikes are up a flight of stairs. Stairs are what did the knees in that night after the Go Go's concert, so I hope I can get that one bike on the main level. Maybe I'll buy a trainer to put my own bike Flo on it and just "ride" at home. I'm starting Physical therapy Wednesday.
On the calorie front, I have been making mostly great choices but yesterday slipped up and ate more grease and carb than is helpful. One meal out of many in a week , it makes me feel crappy but it was one meal. I'm considering doing a food delivery system again just to put some tight controls around calorie intake while I can't exercise at my old 4-7 hour a week regimen. It takes some of the spontaneity out of the equation which lately has been my main issue. My husband is wanting to do it too. I'm hoping doing it together will be good. Here we go again.
I'm reading this book.
It is awesome.
I just read the other book. It was awesome. Wow. wow.
Latez..enjoy your day.
I keep writing blog posts and not posting them. I've been using my blog as an online journal but not sharing. So these thoughts are a little discombobulated. (love that word)
So, Hey (waving)...
There is a lot out there in blogland these days about self care, self love, body acceptance, and other variations. I've been working to figure out what it all means to me, and for a few years now, trying to do more about caring for myself with self care than through food. A novelty, huh?
Whine. But, food is the sure thing and it's soooooooooo much easier.
I like the phrasing that Miss Oprah and Bob Greene talk about with living your "Best Life" (another recent read). I'm still trying to define what that means for me and it IS coming together. Definitely my best life involves movement, joy, having fun, and not obsessing on the scale. And health. And being Fit--this is key.
Lately, having to go through highs and lows and successes and failures shows me the way. Losing something I had just regained shows me the way. I don't want to lose any thing else. So I'm thanking my body for getting me here and hanging in there. I will love and cherish it. Doesn't mean I'll be perfect, but I'll give it my best shot or at least a better shot.
I had my Ortho appointment on Monday. I started off my little spiel to the doc with "I know you see before you this 230lb woman but you have to know this...." as I recount my weight loss and exercise habits of the last 4 years. Whew! that went well. Xrays done. Arthritic knees, more arthritic. Doh.
So, 2 cortisone shots later , and today they are a little better. I walked the dogs for the first time in many days -just halfway around the block. I just started a new NSAID prescription and I'm trying to schedule some physical therapy. My right knee is a little unstable and wobbly.
Doc says there will maybe be more shots in my future and eventually surgery. Hopefully, that's a long way off and some magical Star Trek technology will be created by then and it will be nothing but a thang. I've been a hundred pounds over a normal weight for my height for nearly 30 years , so I have to accept it and make the best of it.
I'm very blessed, actually.
Moving and grooving and being able to reach all your body parts is a motivator. I will work through the pain to keep moving. Maybe taking it a little slower, less intense at first, maybe less intense from now on. I'll rethink jogging. More elliptical, more biking, get in a pool, walk.
I'm kind of starting over, but with a little more wisdom and confidence. I don't want to wear this body out. When I first joined Curves at 345 lb and 5 years ago, I was was pushing it to complete the workout and even once fell out of a machine right to the floor. Worn out. When I first completed 10 minutes on an elliptical 4 years ago it was a victory. The first time I really sweated from jogging on a treadmill was a surprise. Cut to this year and I was working out 4 to 7 hours a week and had been for a couple of years, because I enjoyed it. And, I needed the endorphins and to rock out to music.
Yeah, I am worried about even maintaining my weight since I can't keep up the 4 to 7 hours and intensity anymore. So my 'Best Life' would also be not to gain any weight, to one day lose just a little more weight, and to keep this body going--movin' and a groovin'.
The blogland topics I mentioned earlier? Self care, self love, body acceptance, and other variations. Appreciating my body for what it has done and can still do is part of that. Some days it might be remembering to take a multivitamin or fishoil or to put lotion on my skin or floss my teeth. Another day is may mean icing my knees or stretching after a workout when I really want to watch another episode of Mad Men. Looking in the mirror and not seeing the flabby wings at my arms or the turkey gobble neck and just saying "thank you, doin' good, we're making it".
Losing something I had just regained shows me the way to define my Best Life.
I usually have my sister cut and color my hair when I visit her in Alabama, but it's been a while and my hair was getting heavy and long. Mid back kind of long, so I made an appointment at the closest salon to my house. When I arrived, they suggested I go in to the bathroom to take off my top and put on a robe to keep my clothes clean and dry. This used to be a moment of fear and disappointment for me because I was always too big for the robes that these salons have. But I told myself , 'just see' . Took off my top and hung it up next to the other top that was hung there . Picked out a nice dark blue robe and there was that moment of "will it fit?"
It fit fine with room to spare..yea!
I get relaxed and sleepy while my hair gets done, so that is always nice. I hear about the new fashion thing with feathers and beads woven in the hair and I'm thinking..Bo Derek? The movie "10"? Then I hear about the little old lady that comes in twice a week that has Alzheimer's who stripped naked while under the dryer last week. OMG. Then, I head back to change back in to my top and ..wait..where's my top?. Absconded! Yep, someone took my Walmart purple Just my Size shirt. How weird? The salon folks figured out who it might be since she had just changed . A 20 something young women who apparently is extremely embarrassed. I was squired away and oohed and ahhed about the shampoos so as not to embarrass her as she goes in the bathroom to take my top off. Turns out she had taken off her shirt, put on my shirt, and then put on the gown. Weird. What was she thinking? And now my little story will be a story told at the beauty salon another time.
Hair cut goes well and I'm less about 4 inches and she's blown it out straight which is cool since my hair is naturally curly and wavy. It stayed nice and straight until I took a shower and then Womp! Curls!...something like the scene in the movie "The Help".......which reminds me,
My friend and I had lunch at Paneras-a cup of lemon chicken orzo soup at 130 calories was wonderful and a half a turkey bacon sammi on tomato basil bread. I heart Paneras. No baked goods. Then to the movie "The Help" and I enjoyed it. I was born in 1962 and lived in Alabama which is the time period and probably identical visually to the location of the movie. I haven't read the book, but I enjoyed the movie. Yet it also , as do many things, made my heart sad and angry and brought up a lot of memories. Now I'm not sure I can read the book. What was very familiar to me, was alien to my friend who is from Ohio so that sparked some good conversations over Froyo. I don't feel old (except my knees), but when I remember things from my childhood it seems like I'm ancient.
Other than all that, this is something of a eh' weekend, but at least I wasn't 'working for the man'. We are on Flea patrol in this household and are taking multiple measures against the buggers. I'm about to vacuum the carpet again.
My ortho appointment is tomorrow. Scared, glad, arggghh..Also,I feel like I have to prepare my little speech for the doc. Ready to get back to my usual life now, please. My knees are hurting pretty bad and walking has been a cautious adventure. This is craziness. I could run and Zumba and do whatever with little to no pain just a few weeks ago. My worrying mind starts projecting bad things when I let it. sigh.
Food wise -things have been good, healthy, lots of fruit and veg and less processed foods. Until Saturday, when I had a sudden chicken biscuit obsession at 6 in the evening....I bombed with carb and fat at dinner (I was freaked out by my knees and seeing people using walkers and projecting.) Sunday -back on track and no biscuits.
Exercise wise: I walked from the parking lot to the movie theater and then afterward I had to be picked up at the door. Walked from the truck to church and back and then in to Publix for milk and a few things. Seriously. That's it. I will be doing some sitting down weight training later or tomorrow. When I was 345lbs I counted grocery store walking as exercise because it truly was for my body.
Yes, thank you , Lord it is almost the weekend, and I say that with complete sincerity. I hit the 40 hrs worked mark sometime yesterday and if I were not salaried I'd be dipping in to overtime today. I'm blessed I have a job, and only one job , and the job that I have.
I gave in and made an ortho appointment for Monday since I at least need directions and maybe some meds and therapy so I can resume an active exercising life again. I've researched pools, and aqua classes sound great. I may have to do it, but the distance to the Ymca (and swimsuit deal) have always held me up. The fact that my body requires a certain calorie burn not to GAIN weight is a factor here of concern. AND , They have Aqua Zumba!
Well , time to pour the first cup of joe, wash some cherries , and decide on the rest of my breakfast and get to work.
Celeb Dream #30 AND Going to Paris Dream combined...I kid you not. this was a good one. Celebs for this included James Franco and Ryan Reynolds and the actor that plays Eric on True Blood . After being worried that I had my ticket and passport, I flew to Paris and had a lovely night at my hotel. After a few days my friend and I were to go on to some country estate for a few days to stay. It's Winter time and my hotel was due to be bombed and I happened to escape because I figured this out somehow. Espianoge. oooh.
I run in to a former friend, Ryan Reynolds, who with all of his gay friends (all the other guys)live in an apartment nearby and agree to give me a place to stay and clothes to wear because I ran out with only a beach towel and a nightgown and my money and purse. (I could only grab a few things before my hotel exploded). But, the hotel didn't explode and I felt very foolish. Everyone thinks I'm a loon (maybe they are on to something). I have a brief near sexy moment with Ryan R. when suddenly my hotel explodes. turns out Ryan and all his friends work for the CIA. People have renewed faith in me. There was a whole lotta other stuff and it's more detailed and weird and dream like. But I can not make this stuff up. My movie and tv and People Magazine / US magazine soaked brain concocts this stuff.
Busy week at work. Long hard days with cramped hands and neck--computer work. So tired I took a nap at lunch yesterday and actually slept for 20 minutes. Some great and healthy meals and some just average this week. A couple of lapses in to eating out . One emotional snacky binge afternoon. I know clearly why it happened, I managed to get a grip on it and work through it and stop. I have to remind myself that it isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean I'm a hopeless and total failure. One small glitch.
And other things. A Go Go's outdoor concert under a magical moon. As in the 1980's Go Go's. Something weird about 50+ to 60+ aged women wearing mini skirts, pigtails, and leather outfits. From where we sat, they could have been teenagers. Probably not so much on the front few rows. But, omigosh, they can rock and the music was awesome....their "non hits" are so much better than the pop hits. A little bit of tension on stage between the ladies--hard to imagine it's been 30+ years.
I, on the other hand, at 48 have been having knee / joint problems and after what little bit of dancing I HAD to do and climbing stairs to the parking lot, I could barely walk by the time we got home. Extra aleive, ice packs, and aspercreme and soaks in epsom salts. My knees gave out about halfway through Zumba Friday too. I'm going to baby them and wait to call the ortho doc as a last resort. I have to remind myself it's not the " the end of the world and it doesn't mean I'm hopeless and a total failure. One small glitch." Kinda hard to burn calories when you can barely walk.
So in other words trying not to get too bogged down in the failures and not worry that I'll never Zumba again. Plenty of good getting done most of the time. The Go Go's kinda inspired me, though they rendered me immobile for short time.
The dogs get flea baths and nails done on thursday. I'm just a wee bit closer to the blessed weekend. I think the movie The HELP starts this weekend. I come from a part of Alabama that is probably identical to the setting for this movie, so I'll probably see it. I've held out on reading the book until after I see the movie. I always have less disappointment that way.
Not in the real world but in my dreams. My new recurring theme dream. Over and over and over. I'm always packing and trying to decide if I want to rent a car now or fly over with one !!( it is a dream folks). I'm obsessed with checking to be sure I remembered my passport and my ticket. And I'm going to Paris in the fall in cool to coldish weather, so I get to pack a few sweaters and knits. Last night I was planning to buy knit leggings and Pjs while in Paris. The reality is if I could spend a week in Paris I would spend most of my time walking along the Seine, people watching, sitting at cafes, eating bread and pastries and cheese and too rich food and drinking wine, and looking at art. Sounds good to me. Calorie free dreaming.
My stint of volunteering once a week to make 60 turkey /cheese 'sammiches' And help put together bag lunches is over--Last night wrapped it up. The kids go back to school on Monday and the school system will provide the lunches now. I'll miss volunteering and being a (distant) part of those little lives. Though, I'm glad not to have my hands in a bag of turkey and trying to count up, for the third time, how many sandwiches we'd made.
But I will be buying and donating some school supplies this weekend also. Volunteering, supporting the local food bank, and just thinking and praying for others is good- good to be helping others and less focused on myself.
I got an invite to see the movie "The Planet of The Apes" this weekend. The original movie came out and was big when I was a little kid and then the tv show came along. I've had many a nightmare about those Apes. But the previews of this movie both scare me and give me the same feeling I get when those animal humane society commercials come on. Those sad little doggie eyes. I can never watch. I'm gonna skip the movie. I really need to go test drive some more cars--The Honda is about ready to give up.
My weekend contains driving, NO binges, probably some fro yo, probably the farmer's market and other healthy foods, and some exercises. A long stretching session and a walk are on the agenda. And a little Zumba.
food and weight loss wise I weighed yesterday and plan to only weigh again one more time in August. I'm happy to say that this week and last , I've been back on track with less to almost no unconcious eating and no real binges at all. My weight is up a little but I think if I can keep up what I''m doing and increase my cardio that I'll feel my shorts get looser. At this point, I have about 40 lbs to lose to be at my goal weight.
However, We ate out last night at a family-owned home cooking place and this place and the people and food make me happy. But it's a once in a while thing only. I 'm getting about 3 meals total out of the portions / leftovers. Other than that little lapse in to 'southern country' cooking, I've been focusing on whole foods and lots of fruits and Veg. I've been noticing how processed foods (even healthier ones) make me crave things and want to just keep eating, persuasion to unconcious eating. Less processed foods then. (After I finish up this box of Fiber one brownies)
Sunday ended up being a great date day with the hubby--we went to the movies CaptainAmerica had a romantic /nostalgic/vintage WWII feel and fun. Both hubby and I enjoyed it. Then a classic burger lunch/dinner at Red Robins-- burgers/sweet potato fries (I eat half and took home half), and fro yo. Sunday night--laundry, changed the linens on the bed, walked the dogs, True Blood. In all, not a bad weekend food wise (meaning no major binge) but not the lowest choices of calories. Hubby says my tush is getting rounder and that means tightening up calorie control. He says when I was at my lowest a couple of months ago that my bum had bones jutting out. How can that be at over 200lbs? One day at a time. All the pain from yesterday , magically gone-just a memory.
August--hot. HAWT!. Temps in high 90's and 100 predicted for this week.
I'm pining for fall already. We broke out a new bottle of pumpkin spice Bath and body works soap.
Celeb dream #29..just had this one a few hours ago. I'm a nurse working in the hospital and the actors John Corbett ( Aiden from Sex and the City ) and Jake Gyllanhaal are doctors that I work with and get along with great. Jake came up behind me and gave me a big bear hug from behind and I couldn't reach him to see for sure who it was. In reality, my cat was sleeping on my back and I couldn't reach him to pull him off me. Also, in reality, my husband is a slightly older and heavier version of Jake G.(and less hair) in this photo..no lie.
Gratitude today for my sweet husband, dreams, simple things, ceiling fans.
I'm a Geek for many things: Food, Pajamas, Coffee, Chocolate, Movies, Books, getting and being fit and healthy, 80's music, and the list goes on and on .....A nurse, a diabetic, I've lost over 130 lbs and have more to go . And I actually enjoy working out.
I chose the names of Ms. PJ Geek and PJ and Pounds because I have happy memories of childhood, coming in dirty and sweaty from playing in the yard. Then taking a bath, putting on a fresh nightgown and feeling all new again . I felt like a princess. Fresh renewal. .........
All names and situations will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, and so I can keep my job. While I am a nurse, I do not intend this to be a blog with specific directions or guidelines for healthcare. And.....though I have a college degree, that was a long time ago ya'll, and I don't remember proper punctuation or grammar.