So, 1st month of 2011 is almost over....howzit goin?

This has been a little mantra thing I've used for the last couple of years--more so lately..sorry Nike.

I liked my little slam poetry ode to getting older/lost youth so I left it up a little while...life, however, goes on.....

I kicked it super hard at Zumba and had a great time Friday night. My hip was hurting like a big beyatch Saturday morning, popped some Aleive, drank some coffee, later ate some sugar free chocolate. The severe heartburn / gastritis kicked in a few hours later ...and wham!!! Get me some Prevaced ..NOW! ..plus downing tums left and right.

Bad habits catching up + yes, I'm getting older = suck it up, take some medicine now, change your friggin habits, girl.!

The point is we are not all perfect. Part of my sly addiction is that habits and little comfort measures sneak in and become routine. I tend to try to avoid the bad / not fun stuff. Then my life becomes unmanageable. Sometimes we just about die before we know it.

It isn't always about food. I spent the majority of my day clearing out my home office, vacuuming the rug, creating space so that a Comcast guy can come in and set up a separate work internet modem line. I had to empty the vacuum thingee twice because of the dust and dog hair. No wonder I have allergies. What was I thinking? I literally was so stressed and up tight about the mess that I realized I had to just do 30 minutes at a time. Just get through this block of 30 minutes and then we'll walk out of here. I had to break it down to what HAD to be done for that visit but I was more aware of what needs to be done to really clear out the clutter. I have a closet full of boxes to sort through --and believe me I'm ready to throw away stuff..release the clutter. Just like the food clutter--obsessing on this or that. And the baggage clutter--the emotions /memories--time to let go of some stuff. It's weighing me down.

Rather than set a list of Resolutions at New Years I did a 12/31/10 post entitled No Resolution , No Revolution, Just Doin
My goals for the new year had to do with exercise , food , feelings. I'm pretty on target with most of it. I stayed away from Dunkin / Starbucks/ Trader Joes / Whole Foods and only did Panera's once. Not a punishment ...a gift to myself. If I were an alcoholic I wouldn't walk through a bar or a casino where the drinks are free. Did eat out a couple of times--not compulsively and I think it was the fair thing to do for my husband...especially after the week of snow / cabin fever. Exercise fine. Even doing a little more from Exercise Tv at home in addition to going to gym. I've been so much more aware of feelings and how I want to avoid them or don't like sitting with them. But I have identified them, felt some of them, journaled and for the most part I didn't eat over them. On the few occasions I did I was so aware of it and so dissatisfied. Because it doesn't work the same once you have this much awareness. Going to Overeaters Anonyomous again and being in an email community with other Oa folks had been a real boost to my emotional / mental well being.






Phase 4 challenge continues: I've lost 3 % of my body weight in this month which is about in the upper 1/3 of the group of challengers. I know it could have been more and I'm looking forward to proving that in February. I have the willingness. But I also am aware and not happy with the concept of Valentines day. My dad was buried on Valentines day. And after years and years of no Valentine, for the last lucky 14 I've had a Valentine and we've had some lovely times. Food and chocolate abound in those lovely times. I know it doesn't have to, and I must resist the urges and obsessive thinking--food and chocolate ones . More water please!

So that's it ..that's how I'm doing. Work in progress...always.
Less talkin, more doin

Gratitude: All of the Above-except the gastritis.

How YOU Doing?

Gettin Older is a Bitch

Majestic Diner, Atlanta Ga


Quick Glance in the mirror
Pull out that Remington Personal Groomer-buzz kill the chin hair
Check the Clairol Nice n Easy Perfect 10 Light Chocolate Brown
-the color is good, gray is gone, looks 'vibrant'
But the amount of scalp starting to show through is a concern.

Hot and Sweating, Freezing Cold. Hot and Sweaty , Freezin Cold
Tummy aches--go for the soup and toast
Next day-Aunt Flo makes her appearance, though a ghostly one
Cramps-only an echo of the past
So that was what all that was about..well, it has been 3 months
Ah, Perimenapause

Left pinkie hurts when I type an A, a Q , a Z.
Rt knee hurts from walking and doing squats 2 days ago
Back hurts-mostly all the time in some fashion
Pop another Aleive

Radio plays REM, U2 , B 52s.
Radio plays Mumford and Sons, Kings of Leon, The Decemberists
The old bands still make "New " music
The new bands sound like the old bands circa 1985 retro



But I slam danced and wore cool clothes once
My hair was asymmetrically bobbed with shaved sideburns
I danced till 4 am and then suffered abuse at the hands of the geriatric waitresses at the Majestic diner like all the other 'after club' goers
I still get a chill and sing along to that Til Tuesday song or dance to that song by The Smith's




I still like Ally Sheedy's look in The Breakfast Club
I still remember looking like that in the 80's in New York once at the MoMa museum
Monet Water Lily exhibit




That is when I felt the most ...me
But not really..the me I thought I wanted to be...maybe


hmmmmmmmmm So, this is what it is like to be 48

If Not Food, What?

For me, My addiction / over emphasis on food has been a coping mechanism since childhood and one that takes away my awareness of reality. No surprise there, right? So, It helps me to try to shine a light on to this stuff. To look back and see progress, see non scale victories, AND the biggie-assess what I'm ACTUALLY doing and make the necessary changes.

On the last post I mentioned that I was going to start grocery shopping during the week since I do better with the structure of weekdays and since the visual exposure to all the food stuffs / goodies triggers my food addict. While I might not actually act on those triggers, the brain is whirring and playing tapes of tastes / smells/ideas of foods and working overtime to tempt me....just based on a trip through the store. Going to the grocery store was a big thing as a kid , because I lived in a podunk town where there wasn't much else to do and the store was blissfully air conditioned compared to our house in the summertime. Over the weekend and the last few days , I realized how often I used to go to the store and how much I need to just do it once a week for my own sanity and focus.

Non scale victory--As a diabetic it's a good idea to have a Podiatrist deal with your foot pain / nail / toe issues rather than do it yourself. Our circulation is not always as good and healing can be a beyatch. I had a little pain and a nail issue I was afraid to deal with myself, so I called up a local podiatrist and got a same day appointment. I researched when the last time I saw a podiatrist had been. It was when I weighed 345 and literally couldn't reach to see/clip my own nails, had horrendous foot pain , and needed corrective orthotics. Happy to say, that now my problems are easily fixed. Yea, I got arthritis in my foot, but it's already better with the right treatment. Oh, I can reach my nails now. Circulation is good. And I inspired my podiatrist to kick it up a notch in the exercise dept.

The phase 4 challenge--I did lose a pound at this weigh in . I know that the weekend before I got bingey one day and those calories screwed me..I screwed me . It is an issue I work on everyday and I work to eliminate the triggers and fortify the resources I use to fight compulsive overeating. I looked at my calorie intake for the week and I saw some of the issues. I'm adjusting a few things.

I WILL SEE A BIGGER WEIGHT LOSS THIS WEEK. It is important to me because I am over this. I had the drive when I lost the first 100 lbs and then it dissipated when I wasn't looking..I started sticking in little food habits here and there. Now, I'm inspired again. It isn't a switch that gets flicked and then I'm 100%-I usually have to make a mistake here and there and realize how to fix it and do it . This is life and death. I can eat more calories and that extra whatever when I'm at my goal weight. I only want to lose 40 or so more pounds. It is doable.

So--if not food ---what?

Whatever you need to take care of yourself that is healthy and productive and doesn't harm you . I'm making a list. Here's what I've done lately: Decaff coffee or herbal tea or protein hot cocoa at night, journaling, new music on my Ipod, Go to the gym and if riding the bike and listening to a whole CD works and you only enjoy that CD there- then do it, new pjs, movies, books, a phone call, service to another, see a doctor when you need to- not when it is too late, a nap, clean up this, put up that, give away something, buy a pink fleece hoodie for $7 at Kmart, paint your toenails purple....whatever floats your boat. Just do it instead of thinking / obsessing / using food.

Making it a better weekend--in my pjs

last weekend was meh..got kinda bingey. This week was much better. I really worked on figuring out what feelings I was trying to cover up -this involved prayer , journaling, talking at an OA meeting, meditating. I worked on finding ways to do self care that didn't have to do with food. This means I organized my office a little, I threw out stuff, I had a long bubble bath, I picked out things to give to Goodwill, and I figured out what I could do differently in my routines to help myself .

One of the easiest self care things was that I bought some fuzzy pink pj pants for $10 at Walmart. Pink PJs makes me feel awesome and girly. I can tell you there were years and years that I never wore anything that girly. These are the only ones that I have that are the correct size. When you've lost a lot of weight it is important to buy clothes in your new size so you can GET IT that you are losing weight and not that size 30/32 still (which I still wear some of those old clothes though less and less ). I range from a 14/16 to 18/20 now.

That strict black and white thinker in me says "I'm gonna wait and buy some new clothes / Pjs when I lose more weight . That will be incentive. I don't NEED anything". Well, I probably don't need anything and I'm all about decluttering and making things simple. But I have been buying a few things over the last couple of years and it's nice when those things get loose and then too big. But the pjs- it was a rare visit with the husband to Walmart, and I had him pick the print that he liked / which was also the ones that I liked. It is very cold in our house and these are like warm fleece blanket pjs pants. Today, I'm going to Kmart to see if they have a similar top since Walmart doesn't. Cheap is good. Also going to look for a heated throw or single blanket for my side of the bed. We sleep with seperate blankets..always have. Apparently , that is European, but for me it's about freedom for my feet and wrapping up in a cocoon. One of my ocd things.

I will actually show a wt loss on the challenge tomorrow for weigh in unless something bizarre with water retention happens today.
Food planned for the day.
Planning to go for coffee at bookstore and taking a low cal treat to go with it..no temptations for me.

New rule-I think it is now better for me to not go to the grocery stores on the weekend. Weekends are less structured anyway and there is more risk for me to be tempted. I'm very visual. Just seeing foods that I don't / shouldn't eat activates that food addict in me. So not putting myself in that position is the kinder , gentler thing. I already did the grocery shopping for the week and planned out snacks and several days worth of meals. This is the only thing that works. I can be 100% strong 23.5 hours of the day and then blow it. I am a food addict. The more I can do to help myself the better. Kmart has foodstuff and that DAMN VALENTINE CHOCOLATE but I have a list and I'm sticking to it!

Temptations still --yes.....I mean my husband was trying to tempt me to get Pizza and cinnapie for Sunday night. I try to explain this stuff to him but he has his own issues with food and life and just isn't where I am with that. He's 11 yrs younger than me and probably physically actually several years older than me.

Having arthritis pain today ..no zumba for me last night but yesterday I did a Jackie Warner weight workout and a 1 mile walking tape (jane fonda very gentle) both on Exercise TV and also walked the dogs outside and did my squats and some pushups.

I'm liking this season of Biggest Loser better than last. I have only watched a part of the show / I dvr and catch up on weekend.

Oh Yea, Watched Spartacus new series last night. First scene- a head is chopped off and also sliced in half with tongue wagging while flying in the air. I screamed said "OMG!!!" and we had to watch it again and again . I have never, ever seen anything like this. Who needs a horror film?

OK this was very random.
Take care, stay warm, drink fluids, be kind to yourself -you deserve it.

Gratitude for today : Naproxyn, taking care of myself, pink fleece pjs

tv shows--Heavy to Spartacus

I'm a bonafide tv addict in addition to my other issues ( food, books, pjs). Have been since childhood. My mom was and my mom was a sugar freak too. I walk in her shoes. I hardly watch any of the shows that most people watch. I about threw up watching Glee , Modern Family? in theory looks good, I don't like the alphabet shows NCIS, Svu, CSI-got burned out on, Whatever. I do like House and Greys Anatomy (nurse here).

I go for the darker and grittier or just off the beaten path ---Dr G: medical examiner, Ghost Adventures, Madmen, Masterpiece classic Downton Abbey, Celebrity Rehab, The Fabulous Beekman Boys. I fast forward a lot through Biggest Loser--burned out a bit on them. I'm missing terribly Dexter, True blood, Jackie-my hbo / showtime shows that run on cycles.

But a couple of new shows warrant a post. I watched Heavy on A and E Monday night. Just like the A and E show Intervention. Basically, Intervention for the morbidly obese. I believe Oprah's new channel is going to have a show about food addiction / eating disorders rehab, so I'll watch that. I RELATE. Oh , if I could go to that weight loss resort on Heavy for a month and work with those trainers for free. Good show. Helps me refocus on some of my stuff.

Then there is Spartacus on Starz which is a cable pay channel many people don't have. If you liked the movies Gladiator or 300, this is for you. It is extremely bloody and racy. It is not at all for everyone. My husband and I sit there with our mouths open in shock and say "No they didn't!" Friday night starts the new Spartacus series which is a prequel. The original series is on dvd. Eye candy anyone?

Ok, this was random. Figuring stuff out on the food emotions front. Better day. Re strategy on the food planning front to make the calorie restrictions easier. No Grazing which means I can't walk in the kitchen and decide I want to eat one almond or a few peanuts. It always leads to more.

Gratitude: clarity, music, new pink fuzzy pjs lifted my spirit.

The Past is Passed and The Future is Now

A post by Allan, A reading for today in my meditation book, the topic of a radio show....the universe and God is speaking to me today . I get it ..I get it.


And then the indelible imprint on my brain of Christopher Walken saying this in the Movie Joe Dirt

Got it, better day today so far.

Things that go awry and must be set right

Big fan of PBS Masterpiece period piece tv and that was the sentence that presented itself for the title. Otherwise, it could say "Wtf?...get with the program!" I like me some Sopranos too.

I have had a crapola couple of days. Overall, Challenge-wise I was up a pound which I somewhat expected because I don't usually have big losses week after week. I'd accepted it. But I was struggling already with just the noticing of foods that I should not speak of, dare think of, or ever eat. That hypersensitivity of foods -not even the really groovy stuff like chocolate chip cookies or donuts-but just crap foods like a third of a can of those fried onion things you put on Thanksgiving green bean casserole is that part the little obsessive eating disordered thinking that I battle to control. Saturday was a battle and I don't know why. When you are in it and you are trying all the tricks in your bag and you still fall, it just seems diabolical.


Anyway, I apparently downward dogged or sun salutated or up dogged wrong at Bodyflow and had excruciating pain on Sunday and again this morning. Heating pad , Aleive, smidges of Valium are my friend. The scary thing is this is the kind of back / nerve issues that can affect bowel and bladder, and I do think it was having a bit of that kind of an effect on me. But everything is working now. Trust me , nurse here, if you are having severe back pain with numbness down a leg and have trouble peeing or pooping or walking you need to get treated immediately. I've seen people end up in wheelchairs because they waited too long to deal with serious back issues. ok, nurse out.

So back on topic, somehow what I call a 'graze binge' started (I have different types of binges though I've been abstinent from them for a while) I didn't eat great, fell prey to my food addict, and didn't stick to any plan and I consider it a slip as far as a break in my abstinence from compulsive overeating. This wasn't fun. This is where all I want is to not be a compulsive food addict much less a person working to lose weight and following calorie restriction. What's done is done. I would change it and erase it if I could. I can only start over and do differently now. I can't wait till tomorrow or tonight, it is now. I'm going for a gentle walk around Walmart since it's cold and rainey and I'm not up to the gym. I'm cooking some turkey and veggies tonight. I've back at 1200 cal a day. I'm planning and preparing for the week. I'm drinking water and tea. I have a grocery list and I'm sticking to it. I've read blogs that help me, OA literature that helps me, I've soaked in a hot tub, I've journaled, I've blogged. I can wish this strength was there last night or Saturday afternoon. But it is here now. Thank God.

That's Why They Call It A Challenge

So I'm sure all the folks living in northern territory where snow is a fact of life are tired of hearing us southern folks whine. Personally, I like snow and can handle being holed up for days on end...all I need is a decent supply of coffee and sweet and low and celery and Grey Poupon mild and creamy mustard. My husband , on the other hand, goes stir crazy and risks life and limb and our car to be around people and to get a sugar fix.

Challenge. Somewhere in this week a firm resolve took over. I think it took hold as each day I turned down offers to buy me Dunkin donuts, treats, candy, etc. My only request from the first venture out in to ice world was for celery and a fruit cup. That is what I really wanted. Husband brought home the celery and a half dozen donuts and a bouquet of flowers. I made him put the donuts up where I couldn't reach them, but actually today it wasn't a big deal at all. I had none. I did kind of miss the excitement of the IDEA of getting snow treats before the snow and then on his first cabin fever venture out.

He had finished off his Large size bag of fun size Almond joys that I agreed to buy when I refused to go down the cookie aisle for oreos (child hood #1 binge food). I had none of those either though I did think about it once. Then somewhere in there was brownies and then tonight again..friggin Dunkin. Nah. It's getting easier to say 'not gonna do it'. 'and if you get me anything I'm pouring soap on it'.

He's got issues. I feel great.

Perfect? no. I was a bit over calorie- wise a couple of days 50 once 200 once. I'm committed to just hitting 1200 each day. Spot on now. Fluid intake a little over my minimum . The trick is getting that first 24 ounces of water in while the coffee brews. figuring this stuff out and following through and really doing it is new.

I got on the scale once early on and it was up 3 lbs from Sunday. No doubt just a reflection of the fluid in / fluid out process because I did not eat 3 lbs worth of calories. Waiting to salute the scale again this weekend. Patience. Acceptance. I lost 7 lbs 2 weeks ago and 5 lbs last week. I will accept it.

It has been a bit different with exercise this week. I miss the intensity I can get in a dance class at the gym or on a industrial strength gym elliptical. Lots of stomping in snow, ice skating on driveways, exercises in the house. But it ain't the same. God, I want Zumba tonight!

Gratitude: My health, the temp will hit 40 degrees today and melt this ice world a bit, I have a 3 day weekend, listening to music.

Sitting Here With A Frozen Burrito Against My Nose

I can't make this stuff up.

Atlanta is just about shut down completely now going on day 3 due to the snow/ ice Winter Storm 2011. It is treacherous out there. Ice layered over ice layered over snow and it all refreezes at night and in the burbs you are on you own...not one plow or salt truck.

Very slippery.Don't drive. Stay Home. High risk of Falls. Be very careful.

I've been full of energy all day long. Between long bouts of sitting on my butt in front of a computer I've been up dancing around and doing exercises and so excited for 5 when I get to take the dogs for a walk/run.

5:05 pm Pj here fell in her living room, tripped over shoes/dog leash/her own feet. Oh, that feeling where you are falling, hands go out to brace yourself, and then WHAM! face slammed in to a plastic box of Christmas ornaments. (omg! did my teeth get knocked out? and do I have to go to the ER? were my immediate thoughts. )

Just an owie right where the nose / upper two teeth/ septum whatever meet up. Could have been worse.......Owie. No blood. Just a wee bit of pain..... especially when I stick my finger in my nose...... Which I'm really trying not to do. hee hee

This is not worthy of an Er visit. May not even be worthy of frozen burrito/icepack or Advil........ but hubby went with me on the dog walk and just fed the animals since I technically have a closed head injury now.

sniff

Stomping about in the Snow

photo from the internets
Is what I would rather be doing. The south doesn't do snow ..so when snow happens everything stops..... Unless you work at home on a computer with people that are in Miami. Then you work while Atlanta plays.

Yesterday, I was all over the place yet stuck to my chair, eyes drawn to the window, pouting like a kid, wanted to eat-didn't really, wanted to play, accidentally drank decaf coffee in the am and ended up using most of my lunch break to take a nap. Thank God, I set the alarm . I pulled the blanket up over my head and slept for 40 minutes.

A cup of full caff coffee later I'm dancing and singing in my chair and typing a way. Finally! 5 o'clock. I'm dressed and out the door. Walked around, fell once. sliding on ice for about 40 minutes. Good aerobic workout. Fun!

Lillie the Chihuahua / peke mini snow dog was chasing birds and jumping through the snow then falling through the ice layered over the snow and having a blast. Angel-not so much. Shaking and slid and just wanted to go inside ( this is my lap dog that sits with her feet resting on the space heater while I work).
(photo from last snow--we got way more snow now----Angel -still miserable...that's Lillie in post below yesterday)



Yesterday sucked as far as food obsessing. Honeymoon on the challenge is ovah!

What would You do for a cookie?

When you gotta go, you gotta. Miss Lillie, my food addict dog, wades through the snow--more than chest deep for her. What a champ! Not something we get much in Atlanta--maybe 5 or 6 inches so far but it's turning to sleet and freezing up. Fun.

good dog..here's a milk bone.

Hello Dahlings, How has the first week of your New Year been? The resolutions?

Javier Bardem-in Eat Pray Love featured today on Sunday Morning...ahhhhh javier

So first week of the New Year- done. How is it going for everyone? Success? Failure?..If it's been tough, Just don't beat up on yourselves. Start over ..this minute if you need to.

Yesterday was my toughest day so far and I picked my brain as to why. I realized that I just didn't do my little morning routine like always. Smidge of ocd that I have..it's getting done today. Did fine..stayed with plan ..just the brain was working overtime. Today is craptastic so far as well. I don't seem to be getting along with the ones I love today....I'm just going to stick my head down and keep going.

1st week of challenge done--weight lost 5 lbs. I think it would have been more but I had a little popcorn yesterday and that always makes me retain fluids. I'm at 225 and this is a weight I've been up and down around in the last few months. I'm ready to do what it takes to move on down the scale.

Exercise done- 8 hours (that's just me-not a challenge thing) and all fun. I love to dance and listen to my favorite music and exercise is when I do it. Exercise for the week through: Zumba, Body jam, Yoga, Body flow, walk, jog, bike, elliptical, etc). Hip sore today . Today is a rest day except for the dog walks and a few squats to be done. Gotta have some rest days for the body to repair. My gym has been packed all week , parking lot packed, should start dwindling soon. I hope it doesn't and folks stick with it. For me--it's a done deal. This is my life now and has been going on 3+ years. 8 hours though-- the amount is higher than usual and I realize I need to balance out with maybe some housework chores. drat!

hey, let's trade--I'll do your exercise and you clean my house...:)


We are in for some snow/ice/wintry mix here in Atlanta--milk and bread are flying off the shelves. We Atlantans know how to prepare. What we don't know is how to drive in snow and ice.

Here's to week 2 of the New Year and the phase 4 challenge for some of us. Let's do even better than last week. Too much for you? Just do a little bit at a time then, just get through the next few hours if that is all you can do. Talkin to ya and to me too.

gratitude for the day: a dream coming true for a young man I know to join the usmc and the excitement and pride in his face, roasted peanuts, my dog Lillie. I missed yesterdays's gratitude list so here goes: Horses, snow, Dr Drew

cold Saturday morning--challenge 1st week amost done

Up at 5am, couldn't sleep, watching the weather channel ( see the 34 degree temp on the tv?) The animals are trying to cuddle. Kitteh and Angel in my lap until I flash a photo in the kitteh's face. He moves over , rejected, by Lillie who just showed him her "alien" teeth. Lillie doesn't share blankets.

Weight loss stuff, right.

Smoking Zumba class last night. Sticking to the 1200 calories though I might have dippped under or over a wee bit. 140 oz -every doggone day except last night. Yesterday, had a 3 PM doc appt so i didn't want to chugalug my usual fluid intake because I had to 'weigh in'. Up 7 lbs from Oct--and it's kinda ok. A week ago it would have been 14 lbs up. I have no doubt it will be less next week. Fluids in for yesterday 120ish..glad I went over the day before.Will balance it out today.

Sticking to it..is what I'm telling you. Sticking to my challenge plan.
But for today, a little more coffee, to gym for Bodyflow and later either "True Grit" or "Season of the Witch " at the movies. And lots and lots of water.

Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow.

Ginger Heart

Nope this is not about my slide in to gingerbread obsession around the holidays nor concern for Valentines day coming.

I started this morning with a little dance to music on my mp3 player ( oh the 80's: U2, the Fixx, Duran Duran) and then did the squats / lunges / that other thing exercises for the challenge as well as I held a very long plank . booyah!!!
Start the day. 20 oz water in and it wasn't even 8 am. I know in my heart that usually I just make the coffee and groan in the morning, so I MUST be dedicated.

I had nothing to write out of the ordinary today until I took my dogs for a walk. My husband is off today and helped me get ready-call the dogs, harness the dogs, leash the dogs, helped me put on my coat and gloves after I go outside and realize it's freezin cold. He made comments about "matching style" my blue fleece pj pants covered in rainbow colored coffee mugs that say "need coffee" all over them and matched up with my 'antique' 1993 purple fleece LL bean jacket.

"Oh, I never see anyone when I walk the dogs at 11 am and anyway who cares??!" I said. Then as I walked away I remembered meeting the lady with the black lab named "angel" that wore a purple fleece scarf the other day (the dog not the lady).

Halfway down the street I see a guy come out with a puppy and I'm like "Pick up the pace girls"..my dogs are semi antisocial ( pound mutts) and are typically badly behaved. But the guy comes over and starts talking. It's a new puppy that his daughter rescued that was about to be euthanized and he's trying to socialize her. This is a sweet baby wayby cuddly mmmmmmmm little girly girl..even my dogs started wiggling and waggin. hearts melt. This baby is named Ginger because she is all white with a ginger colored heart shaped spot on her right side..... for real..a Ginger Heart. ....stamped and saved by the grace of God.


gratitude for today : my mp3 player, my amazing Kindle, meeting little Ginger heart.

First Wednesday of New Year on the challenge

Honeymoon phase
challenge is moving along, the 140 oz of liquids went down better and I had less midnight potty trips ( I think) since we started.

1200 Calories are a little tough to adjust to --mentally-emotionally only.

I'm seeing my nutritionist tonight and will fill her in on this plan...I think she will love it. I weighed since I'm seeing her tonight and down 3 lbs since Sunday...wowza. Now, that's the diet plus I've already done 195 minutes of exercise since Saturday (had fun the whole time..that's the secret to exercise..gotta be fun and intense to make a difference)

Let me back up and talk about exercise.
In the challenge we are doing walking and a few strength exercises and then you continue to do whatever else you are already doing. When I was 345 this would have been a big challenge for me.

Because I've been at this a few years I've become a very active and still obese person. I'm diabetic but my glucoses are great and my hgba1c ( my 2-3 month blood sugar average is 5.7 ( very good- normal actually). My resting heart rate is 60. This was not always the case. This is due to exercise. This is from a person who was afraid to walk too far from the house( 1/2 block) in case my legs gave out.

Goal: I'm going to mostly walk, maybe jog a little at a 5k in April. I've done a 3k but not a 5K. My hangup is that I want my time to be good. Well, I said it. I'm not gonna wear out a hip or knee that are already hurting trying to jog the thing. Walk mostly jog some--that's my plan.

Gratitude: Going to OA meetings, my husband for recording "Play Misty for Me"- my favorite Clint Eastwood movie, pears.

And that's why they call it a challenge..................

Challenge
1200 calories.
Fluids (for me) 140 oz

So far so good ..but this is not actually easy. I must have overdone some of the fluids in the first 2 hours and didn't make it to the bathroom fast enough..Ok, I'm not saying I tee teed (as my ma would have said)...My bladder is just now overly sensitive and beyatching back at me when I keep chugaluggin.

I'm off today, kind of been decluttering a bit, doin laundry, watching a bit of Dr. Who as a break from MadMen, had a nap, about to take doggies for walkies, and then hit the gym......and the bathroom at the gym...... at least twice I'm sure....and maybe the one at Krogers on the way home.

Gratitude: angel soft tp, crystal light green tea honey lemon flavor, naps

One Challenge Done--Phase 4 to Go!

Phase 3


Phase 4


Spawn of the Son of the Double Dog Dare Challenge -12/07/10--12/31/2010 --DONE
starting weight 230. finishing weight 230.4.
Well, since I reported my weight to Allan this morning probably less than that
weight lost 0
---well, overall weight lost 0.

The national average weight gain after the holidays is supposed to be 5-7 lbs. So I beat those odds. Missed out on losing more weight that needs to come off-I actually lost and gained and lost several pounds in that short time. But I gained resolve, re-commitment, willingness, honesty, hope. Not bad , actually.

Ready for Phase 4--packets come tonight, challenge starts at 12:01 am.
Today: Got Gym plans for later. Got dog walkies soon.
Food/ water planned and prepped for the next several days but it's open for change since I don't know what the packet will hold. Exercise planned for the next few days because I already love to do zumba and bodyjam and bodyflow and yoga and the little dogs get walked everyday. But gotta see what the challenge holds too.

But....I'm a food addict. I turn to food when I want to celebrate, or have feelings I don't want to deal with, or my husband is stressed and can't talk to me. I've been working on this a while but I've had a lifetime of doing it and less time not doing it. So It's not just about following calories and exercise plans. It's about so , so much more. It's about actually doing something I may not want to do. OR rather, not doing something a part of me REALLY WANTS TO DO. Turning off one inner voice that croons and promises me all kinds of comfort to listen to that inner, wiser woman within me.

My husband loves me but doesn't really get it. He has his own food issues. He knows I'm following a plan and I'm in a challenge and I go to Overeaters Anonymous meetings and blog and journal. But he misses his food buddy. He comes home with my favorite thin crust, over baked veggie pizza . He brings home a Cinnapie pizza (Papajohns)..he knows I loves me some cinnamon rolls / cinnapie. I get upset, I get angry and hurt. As he says, his bum is smaller this morning since I chewed half of it out last night. So I talked to him about my goals, why I'm doing a challenge, the details of the challenge, I offered to show him the packet, I offer to support him in anyway I can , but need his support for me in every way he can.

That's it ..checking in .

Gratitude for today: warm dog in my lap..it's cold this morning. Having hope. Having people who care enough to help others and support each other though we are total strangers.

NEW YEAR, NEW LOOK-Welcome 2011

Lillie--our little ol lady boss of the house and my fellow resident food addict

End of 2010 and Beginning of 2011

Celebrated in by taking a new exercise class Bodyvive and doing a bit of dancing at an old class, getting a new haircut at a new salon, Seeing The King's Speech film, only visit to Paneras this holiday season ( 'carb central the devils' playground'). Looked up and planned foods. Ate veggie soup and a gingerbread bagel. Now for Jan 1 beginning the goal of not going to carb trigger places: Dunkin, Starbucks, Paneras for the month of Jan...not to mention Trader Joe's/ Whole Foods. Worked for me in past years. Outta sight-less temptations.

Still counting the calories and drinking the water and staying aware.

Celebrated at midnight with Kathy Griffin /Anderson Cooper, my little family-husband and pets, a bottle of water, a carrot stick, and a few kisses and then straight to bed. Ahhhh, sleep

Gratitude for first day of 2011: Being here, my little family, sharing the sofa with Lillie this morning with my journal and a cup of coffee, my husband's kisses, Jesus, cloudy days, Christmas twinkle lights I leave up year round on the fireplace mantle to keep that little bit of Narnia magic going. Also looks good in May at Cinca de Mayo....

Here's to a figurative 'Clean state'