addictionI put a new photo up for the blog page--I like that picture--me posing on the Biltmore estate looking wistfully off at the mountains...Just doesn't work with the colors for the titles. Hmmm..more time this weekend and I may have to take a Christmasey picture to replace it. MAYBE , me in pjs in my Cube car.
The next photo below I like because it helped my body dysmorphic mind to see that I have not gained ALL of my 135 lost pounds back though I feel like it. My back and waist show me this. My arms show the ever present bat wings that I just have to accept and deal with as one who is morbidly obese and has lost a lot of weight...no amount of triceps work has been able to wittle it down and the knife is not an option.......
Confession time...
I'm not down at all. Just Tired and rushed because I have so much work to do.. work calls--this is a quickie fly by during lunch.
Yesterday we had our work "end of year " lunch ( the pc version name because we couldn't call it a holiday lunch or Christmas lunch)...it was pay -your-own-way but get-to-skip-work for a short time and meet-up with the folks I work with but only see at end of year get togethers since we all work at home.
I had a couple of gifts to get and have a boss who is as much of a chocoholic as I am, so I stopped in for a 5 minute run through Whole Foods to get the special holiday Chocolove chocolate bar (and one for me). Oh no--she didn't. uh yeah, I did.
Whole Foods is like a mecca for my inner food addict. Thank GOD!! I live about 25 miles from the nearest WF and Trader Joes. For the most part, I have to avoid them entirely which is a pisser because they do have amazing HEALTHY foods and fruit/veg selections unlike those that our neighborhood chains have. Then the voices in my head of my other parts tell me .."oh, you can do this one thing...go in with a plan and get out fast".
I even once had a trip to Trader Joe's with a nutritionist which was supposed to show me that I could do this and be a ' normal ' person. I had been avoiding Trader Joe's and Whole Food's for my sanity sake. That was my last visit with the nutritionist. I can't handle it.
But I really wanted that Holiday Choccolove bar, I mean, I wanted to get one for my boss. So I had a 5 minute run in to WF. This place frazzles me and hypes me up to no end. I know that the majority of people in this world do not have this problem and this may seem crazy.
It is kinda crazy. It is not safe for me. They didn't have the holiday bar, so I got her another kind and me another kind . And another kind. And another kind. And a half pound of gingerbread. And I wanted to jump in and flail about in the artisan chocolate display. I got the hell outta there. I split the gingerbread with my hubby. I want more.
Most of (my) chocolate is still in the bag and the gifts have been given. I'm telling myself--that's it for chocolate between now and the holidays. (But I know it isn't really going to be that way) The fact that they didn't have the special holiday bar nags at me and I know I'll be in the vicinity of another WF on Monday. I don't think I can handle it. I need someone to reply on here and tell me "No way , jose". I know that for many people Total Abstinence of certain foods is the only way. ARGGGGGHHH!
Thank you, confession over.
Don't do it, PJ. Don't get the candy bar. You know you already have some chocolate and that it will be gone sometime before Christmas. Don't even go near WF if it is that big a temptation to you. I have the same problem with certain places too. Mostly fast food joints. I just can't make myself make reasonable choices. I always go for the soothing old favorite. During my weight loss phase I had more self control but that has loosened up since I got to goal. Time to pay the piper now.
ReplyDeleteI have batwings just like yours and I can't afford the knife either. I just live with it. What else is there to do?
You will be fine. I'm sorry you are so busy right now. Stress will make you eat and crave holiday favorites. I'm in the same place with my eating right now. I'm having trouble giving a damn what I eat. As the country singer says, My Give A Damn Is Busted. LOL
Hang in there.
The holidays are such a tough time - all the stress is met with a plethora of unhealthy foods that are EVERYWHERE! I find that it's easier to resist them entirely than to try and make excuses to myself - I say "I'll have a little every day," but I know myself better than that. It helps to think about the season outside of food - the holidays are here to celebrate the people we love and the wonderful things in our lives, and one of those wonderful things ought to be the healthy decisions we make!
ReplyDeleteDon't go back to WF or TJ. Just don't. I say this as assuredly as I shouldn't go to Costco alone because of a certain something they sell right where everyone has to line up to pay for their purchases.... and it calls to me. TWICE now I have succumbed and regretted it. But I can't even throw it away, I just keep hiding it and eating it until it is gone because it is that good.
ReplyDeleteSo make the healthier, happier choice! You can do it! (And we won't discuss the sagging belly now that it is "flatter" I have all this flab sagging...)
Solution- Send all your chocolate to me. I'll send you my address. no guilt. :)
ReplyDeleteIts hard. I dont have a WF or TJ but we do have a Fresh Market and that place is Satan in a hand basket. What is it about organic chocolate that makes it taste so good? Still eat it too fast though. :( I don't think we will ever be cured of chocoholicsm. Just like an alcoholic is never quite cured of alcohol. Some things get easier. I find once I cut it out for a long time I don't crave it... but once I give in its all i want.
Chocolate is evil
ReplyDeleteEvil, I say.... The stuff is EVIL!!! Don't start, you will have a hard time stopping!!
Honestly, PJ, sometimes you write what is in my mind better than I ever could. Whole Foods is just like that for me. I like the idea of going there because it is 'healthy' and 'gourmet' and all, but I get in there, and wander around in a daze in the desserts department, daydreaming about all of them, turning them over to check the nutritionals. and then I buy one dessert and leave. So I never really go to whole foods unless it is to get one dessert. Silly, huh? And honestly, their 'real' food is too expensive for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your replies...I'm not going to Whole Foods or Trader Joes--no need to throw gasoline on the fire, so to speak. I'm having enough trouble dealing with the regular places / stores I go to.
ReplyDelete