I put a new photo up for the blog page--I like that picture--me posing on the Biltmore estate looking wistfully off at the mountains...Just doesn't work with the colors for the titles. Hmmm..more time this weekend and I may have to take a Christmasey picture to replace it. MAYBE , me in pjs in my Cube car.
The next photo below I like because it helped my body dysmorphic mind to see that I have not gained ALL of my 135 lost pounds back though I feel like it. My back and waist show me this. My arms show the ever present bat wings that I just have to accept and deal with as one who is morbidly obese and has lost a lot of weight...no amount of triceps work has been able to wittle it down and the knife is not an option.......
I'm not down at all. Just Tired and rushed because I have so much work to do.. work calls--this is a quickie fly by during lunch.
Yesterday we had our work "end of year " lunch ( the pc version name because we couldn't call it a holiday lunch or Christmas lunch)...it was pay -your-own-way but get-to-skip-work for a short time and meet-up with the folks I work with but only see at end of year get togethers since we all work at home.
I had a couple of gifts to get and have a boss who is as much of a chocoholic as I am, so I stopped in for a 5 minute run through Whole Foods to get the special holiday Chocolove chocolate bar (and one for me). Oh no--she didn't. uh yeah, I did.
Whole Foods is like a mecca for my inner food addict. Thank GOD!! I live about 25 miles from the nearest WF and Trader Joes. For the most part, I have to avoid them entirely which is a pisser because they do have amazing HEALTHY foods and fruit/veg selections unlike those that our neighborhood chains have. Then the voices in my head of my other parts tell me .."oh, you can do this one thing...go in with a plan and get out fast".
I even once had a trip to Trader Joe's with a nutritionist which was supposed to show me that I could do this and be a ' normal ' person. I had been avoiding Trader Joe's and Whole Food's for my sanity sake. That was my last visit with the nutritionist. I can't handle it.
But I really wanted that Holiday Choccolove bar, I mean, I wanted to get one for my boss. So I had a 5 minute run in to WF. This place frazzles me and hypes me up to no end. I know that the majority of people in this world do not have this problem and this may seem crazy.
It is kinda crazy. It is not safe for me. They didn't have the holiday bar, so I got her another kind and me another kind . And another kind. And another kind. And a half pound of gingerbread. And I wanted to jump in and flail about in the artisan chocolate display. I got the hell outta there. I split the gingerbread with my hubby. I want more.
Most of (my) chocolate is still in the bag and the gifts have been given. I'm telling myself--that's it for chocolate between now and the holidays. (But I know it isn't really going to be that way) The fact that they didn't have the special holiday bar nags at me and I know I'll be in the vicinity of another WF on Monday. I don't think I can handle it. I need someone to reply on here and tell me "No way , jose". I know that for many people Total Abstinence of certain foods is the only way. ARGGGGGHHH!
Thank you, confession over.
DAY 3 WEDNESDAY JUNE 19, 2013
15 minutes ago