Making Choices During Birthdays--day 1+

Friday is the big 48 for me--and I don't dread it. And at least it's an even number. (I always think that even numbers are better than odd for some reason....ok, even I think that's unusual. ) I don't feel 48. I feel like I'm in my 30's. I know that physically I'm healthier and more active than I was during most of the last 20 years. I feel truly blessed. I'm loving my birthday gift from my husband- a Harmony Remote Control since I'm too old to figure out how to put a movie in the dvd player and set all the equipment on the right settings. (I'm married to a techno geek and we have lots of gadgets.) With this remote, I can use one remote for everything and push one button that says "watch movie" (versus the 3 remotes it takes now--they all look alike to me and I have to use my bifocals) . It even ejects for me to stick the dvd in . Easy peasy. In this tech area, I'm ancient.


Anyway, I take off several days around my birthday each year either to vacation or just to be off from work . So the extended festivities began yesterday. Lots of free time just to be me, not just a worker bee from 8 to 5. Thursday is spend time with my husband and pretend it's my birthday when he has to do what I want all day. Cracker Barrel breakfast, bike ride, movie, and dinner somewhere or at home are on the agenda. Maybe some icecream instead of birthday baked goods. Friday -I go see my sister in Alabama who will color my gray roots and we'll go to my nephew's high school football game. Then we are off to Tunica MS to the casinos with my aunt through Monday-she gets all the freebie Vip benefits for our visit. Last time we went I won $1000.

Yesterday's agenda : Doctors check up for labs, get car tag, yoga, shopping, lunch, bible study. Out and about-lots of choices to make / lots of temptations. I pre-planned food so I would have treats, not feel deprived, but not over do on calories. First off, I had to deal with the after-the-doctors appt issue. I have developed the bad habit over the years of over doing it at the first meal after a Doctors appointment. It's because I've been fasting for labs and I guess it is a stress and anxiety response of just going through a doctors appt and what will they say about me or my weight. I sometimes get depressed after an appointment just because I have to discuss and reflect on the slowness or lack of progress I'm having. Also, I have always gone through a last minute panic the week of the appointment where I felt like I needed to lose 10 lbs--immediately. I guess this is a habit and it is hard to break habits, but that's what I have to do to see progress. But for years, after leaving the doctor I'd either have a mini binge or at least a celebratory "now I can eat the calories" meal. It doesn't help that my favorite fast food breakfast place is down the street and they have great cinnamon rolls.

I've tried taking something in the car to snack on so I can get home and eat normally, but the call of the cinnamon rolls is overwhelming. Yesterday , I took my new fave treat "Punkin cottage" -cottage cheese, pumpkin, pumpkie pie spice, raisins, splenda in a cooler. I really like this and I looked forward to it. I had that and a great cup of Starbucks coffee standing by the lake at my favorite Starbucks. At Starbucks I was tempted by the pumpkin bread, but I'd planned to go to Panera for lunch and have a pumpkin muffie so it helped to have planned in the treat. Choices, good, as that pumpkin bread was 390 calories. Oh, and wt was 12 pounds less than at my last appt 3 months ago. Woohoo!

Mid way through Yoga my body kinda crashed. I was hungry and sore, but I didn't want to show up at Paneras at 12 noon and deal with crowds. A lot of water and a little shopping first. I scored big time at Coldwater Creek and got a $90 jean jacket in size 18 W for less than $40. I'm as excited about the savings as I am about the size. (former size 30-32 girl here.) I walked in to "regular stores" and I still feel like an outsider there and that people and the shop assistants are looking at me and thinking "what is SHE doing in here. She's too big." But I pushed through the mental handicaps I put on myself and chose to try anyway. I tried on an XL at Gap and it almost fit. At New York and Company most of the XLs either fit or nearly fit or one thing was a little too big, but they were not really right for my body.
I already know that at Target or Walmart or The Big girl stores it depends on the cut. I can wear anything from a 14/16 to a 20/22 .

On to Paneras, where I got what I planned and I got one extra thing. Not perfect. But I thoroughly enjoyed it , I counted up the calories, I 'll deal with it . I don't regret it, but there is a part of me that I fight -my critical self that
says "you must be perfect". I can't be perfect. I didn't binge and I didn't beat up on myself. Paneras is an unusual treat for me since they are CARB / BAKED GOOD CENTRAL COMMAND. As long as I keep it to VERY occasional visits, we are good.

More shopping, tired, I was on the hunt for socks for hubby with no grey areas at the toe and heel. Not easy to find these days. At this point I'm pretty tired and achy and feel about 58 and bought some Aleve......ahh. A little lady that was no younger than 80 checked me out at Kmart--God bless her.

Then the day continued and I ate the lower carb dinner and snacks I'd planned in order to balance out lunch. One extra 60 cal piece of chocolate. It's true..having carbs and sugar make you crave carbs and sugar. Not perfect, but ok.

Ok on to today...got more choices to make and some exercise to do to keep me happy and healthy.

Farmers Market Saturdays - a little more Self Care

One of my "things" is working on Self care so I don't reach for FOOD which is ironic because I consider this self care AND it involves food. But it also involved colors, people, conversations, health, discovery, and community. Just throwing some veggies in a handmade bag, buying a little jelly jar of flowers, home made bath salts, and a mother's home made mini bundt rum cake goes along way towards self care.

Here in suburban Atlanta there is a little farmer's market thing going on . I don't know all the details, but I gather from talking to folks and reading on line that several communities decided to get together and put on little farmer's markets through the summer to fall months. This helps support community organizations as well as small farms and cooperatives in the areas. These 'founding fathers and mamas' toured each farm before accepting them in the program to make sure they really are a. farms b. organic if they say they are organic. I drive by one of these little farms on occasion and was delighted when I connected that they were the farm I was buying my veggies from . I like the concept of eating seasonal foods and local , so there is less environmental impact. But what will I do in November?



Fuzzy but some of my recent purchases.

I've been 3 times so far and have enjoyed more tasty and colorful veggies than I usually get at the stores. I'm having Arugula , squash , and okra tonight and just got the recipe for how to braise Arugala. Easy. Just had an arugula / tomato / tuna salad for lunch and it was awesome. I've got to eat up a lot of veggies since I'm going out of town this weekend, so tonight is veggie night. And no market for me this weekend. But I'll enjoy going through October until it closes. There are little landmines at farmer's markets called baked goods , so one must be prepared. Also, it pays to be a bit educated. I'm not paying $3 for a pound of potatoes-organic or not.
But I will for flowers. These smell divine as they pack each jar full of lemon basil.






More self care things for Sept--I haven't posted about my "One thing" in a while which is something I find each day to be proud of or a non scale victory or something to be grateful for. Here goes:
-making myself a lovely coffee/ cinnamon / dash of chocolate concoction that is warm and soothing
-a mid day bubble bath in vanilla oatmeal baby wash
-cool air and rain
-Walking my dogs
-Choosing to eat less calories versus more
-choosing to do yoga outside on a quilt
--washing dishes because I want to and not because it's a task I have to do
--donating clothing that is too big for me even though it's hard to do

Cherry on Top Award

Cherry on Top Award

I'm so late getting to awards. But I'll try to catch up.

This one is from Karla over at http://myweightin2010.blogspot.com///
Thanks Karla and Congrats on hitting the 50 lb lost mark. Her blog always inspires me about the healthy foods and treats and veggies she fits in with such good results.

The rules for this award are

1. Answer the question, "If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?"


2. Pass on to six people and inform them of the award.
There are certain blogs I go to for certain things--humor, strategy, wisdom, beauty. Some of these folks have already got this award, but i just wanted to recognize them (this list is in no particular order and I've got another award to post and to award out. So that one coming soon):

Anne H. @ Carbtripper
Peaceful Bird @ Words Paint
Suzie @ Spunkysuzie
Roxie @ Gravel and Rust
Genie @ Diet of 51
Debby @ Debby Weighs In


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Hmmm, Back to the Future is one of my favorite movies, and I just happened to have watched it recently. In it, If you change the past you change the future and your present. That is something to think about.

Being a weight loss / find health and balance blog, you might think that I would pick to have lost the weight earlier and to have started therapy earlier. But then I think that my whole past and my whole present would have been different. I think I wouldn't have hit 345lbs if I'd started earlier. I would have been more confident and not so hung up on things and so focused on food. But I guess I value my life and my experiences and my current relationships too much to want to change everything. There have been such moments of peace and synchronicity that I can't regret the life I've lived.

So I'd pick something that would only have an effect on me -it would essentially be gravy or a' cherry on top.' My mother died several years ago in the hospital from leukemia / pneumonia during the midst of a hurricane. ( She was always a drama queen.) Rather than go in to all the details, I'll skim through this. My mother lived in Alabama and went in to the hospital with back pain on a Wednesday and didn't want me to come down until the weekend. I'd talked to her nurse and when I heard her labwork , I knew immediately that she probably had leukemia. The nurse confirmed that an oncologist was coming to evaluate her. So that Saturday, I traveled there with a friend who drove her car since mine isn't travel safe ( plus i wanted moral support). I didn't go there thinking she was going to die that weekend.

Once I arrived and saw her (eating lunch and watching "Fried Green Tomatoes" which is one of her favorites), I knew it was going to happen soon. (I've always had a special nurse spidey sense about this kind of thing. ) Her Doctor showed up, I encouraged him to be completely open with her . He had to explain to her that she had cancer and a serious lung infection and that her breathing was getting so bad that she would need to go on to a ventilator soon while they worked to fight the infections she had. Then she would get cancer treatment.

I knew from many conversations with her over the years that she felt if she ever had cancer she wouldn't fight it. She didn't want to go through chemo or radiation as she had been sick with different things most of her life and had suffered from many chronic problems and was ready to go. Once he told her , she was surprised and then resolved. She didn't want the vent, she didn't want cancer treatment . If it was her time, she said she was ready " to go home". She died two nights later with my sister and I at the bedside.

Here is what I would change. I wanted my husband there with me. My friend needed to go home to Atlanta and we hadn't packed for the weekend, so my husband and her son drove down and met us halfway between the hospital and Atlanta. It should only have been a couple of hours, but with the hurricane it took longer and was a harrowing trip. During that time, my mother quickly worsened and became less verbal and alert. I wish I could somehow take that time back and have spent it with her. Just to have more time to talk. To see how she felt and if she wanted to tell me anything else. She asked for me while I was gone, and I'm sad I couldn't be there.

As soon as we arrived back at her bedside, she knew we were there and nodded and whispered a few things and we prayed together. After that, she continued for the next 24 hrs to deepen in to the dying process.

We had already said a lot, we had already prepared her plans , she had shown me where her papers were and what she wanted done with her things so I didn't need to know or say anything about this. I just want that extra time.

So I encourage you all to appreciate your loved ones. Take every moment. That is what I would want for a magical wish to change something in my past.

Weekends -How do ya'll do this?

Scene from the farmer's market.

Getting everything out of Saturday-it's a tall order. 5:21 and I'm exhausted. Plus having a hot flash apparently--ah, perimenopause.

Some of us our lucky and fortunate to have full time jobs and work 5 days a week. But then the weekend comes and I'm FREE to do whatever the heck I want. I've tried to fit in all that I want to do and need to do around work during the week. But it's like Life gets squeezed in between work and sleep. I don't even make a list of To do's for the weekend anymore because that get's too depressing. And I know that I'm moaning and groaning and the reality is that I live a blessed and fortunate and rich , rich life that I'm extremely grateful for.

But for the sake of blogversation...... Cause I wanna do it all and nothing at the same time.

I want to have fun and spend time with friends, I want to spend time with my husband, do my 3 favorite exercise classes or at least 1, go and do grocery or other shopping errands , spend time at home, walk the dogs, go to a park, ride the bike, chip away at the shows / movies I 've recorded on the dvr, blog time, organize / clean house, read, nap etc, etc, etc. And I don't have kids, so I know it is even worse for others.

It occurred to me today , I think I was lying on my back in Body Flow class, that it is simply a choice that occurs multiple times a day every day of whether I'm living one kind of life or another. A pie chart of a life with multiple colorful pieces that represent all these different activities and focuses for my life or there could even be a little pie chart broken down to one just for the weekend.

OCD? perhaps. But it is an interesting exercise at figuring out what is important to me.

Now, I'm not including spiritual life , commute time, husband or pet or family time, or personal grooming time in this example. Looking back at the binge years, there was a less full life and a much less colorful pie chart. Food would be the biggest portion. Since when I wasn't eating, I was planning to eat and obsessing and
making multiple stops at fast food places or grocery stores , so the clerks couldn't figure out I was purchasing a binge..at over 300lbs. This behavior occurred at all times and in all places so it is a bigger time draw than even work. Then work has it's place at 40 hrs a week. Then sleep takes a big portion. The rest of the time focused on TV, Books, going on and off diets and exercise plans, staring in to space, talking on the phone (this was the earlier days of the computer). And finally doing life stuff like errands and shopping and paying bills.

What would the order be today?

The pie is cut in to multiple colorful pieces and the slices are more equal in size. Work seems to take up the biggest time block , then sleep, then time spent Planning/ shopping/ journaling about food and exercise and goals and life and emotions. Then doing exercise, tv, computer time, staring in to space, books, life stuff. I think I'm making more of the right choices because life is going along in one direction generally. Fitting in all that stuff is overwhelming.

After a hard and busy work week and knowing that I only have to work Monday and Tuesday of next week, I still fit in too much for this day . Today, I had breakfast with a friend and her dad at the little town diner. It was my 2nd time there and I already recognized all the regulars that go every Saturday . Went to the Farmer's market. Bought too many carbs at the Farmer's market--and a gorgeous bunch of Arugala and big red tomatos. Did Body Combat and Body flow class. Shopped at Walmart for my husband and bought a few cheap autumn kitchen towels (checked out the pjs). Hit up the Dollar tree for another set of measuring cups / spoons- gonna measure EVERYTHING. Drove across Atlanta to the Natural Food Warehouse and to find a FroYo place. I ran a red light, accidentally, and it scared the bejeezus out of me--it was a screeching brakes / locked it up kind of thing. No ticket, no accident--a blessing. (Smart me invested in new brakes earlier this month).

The Natural Food market -that was a one time visit as it was just not worth the gas / drive time. High protein / low carb bagels / pretzels will have to be ordered on line--I don't get it..surely there is a market for them out there. Next, FroYo-I ate some there and took some home . It was a small but too much still. Tasty with fresh strawberries / bananas/ choc chips and fairly low cal and healthy. It was ok, but didn't rock my world though it surely was a better choice than the Cold Stone Creamery which was 2 doors down. Overall, lots of driving --that is tiring and not pleasant. I'm pretty sure it was a 60+ mile day.


So I had planned out my calories and food for today, but it took me longer to find the Froyo/ Natural food market. I snacked on chicken jerky which held me and guzzled a Diet Coke. Had occasional considerations of pulling in to a Chickfila for some salty , fatty, chicken goodness but only halfway considered it. I bought a 2 serving bag of pretzels thinking I wouldn't find the froyo place. Though gluten-free,
they were pretty good. But then I found the Fro yo , so I put up the pretzels (and left half the bag---triumph!)

When I got home and finished the froyo and counted up the calories and thought about the rest of the day ahead, I realized I had purchased too many carb things today.
Not horrible things--lite air popped popcorn, terra chips, pumpkin granola, a small pumpkin muffin. And because I'm a sucker for a working mom trying to make money doing home baking and a sucker for girl scouts pleas, a mini rum cake and a cookie.
Some of these things were bouncing in their packages saying "Eat Me!" I will have too many calories for the rest of the day if I don't plan and choose wisely.

So more choices made in this multiple choice life. I suggested we change dinner plans , so I can eat lower calorie and healthier options such as a mostly veggie ratatouille with turkey sausage. I divied out which of the treats is going to my husband and when I'll eat the others. Spread out that treat/carb wealth. I really savor these things when I don't have them very often and just appreciate it when I do have it.

Tomorrow will be more of a restful day, I promise. Though there is church and Zumba and ......

It's Quittin ' Time~~~~~!!!!!

Pull out the sombreros and the Margaritas --THIS WORK WEEK IS OVAH! Only 2 more days of work and then I gotta a LONGGGGGGG Birthday week celebration ! with free VIP casino resort trip with family coming up next weekend.....WOO HOOO~!!

Oh , you have to understand. My neck is cramping, My fingers are cramping. My hand is cramping and I think I developed carpal tunnel syndrome one hour ago. My eyes are doing a funny jerking thing and spontaneous tears are forming because of staring at a computer screen so intently all day ....ava maria!! My boss sent out an emergency email to my entire team to help me because I'm covering for 2 people and it was crazy.

OVAH..done. Finito. ok it's just Friday at 5:40 ish but it feels soooooooo good.


WHEW!

And the reality is No margarita . The reality is a coke zero, a 100 cal pack of microwave orville reddenbacher popcorn, a square of sugar free chocolate while I chill on the Sofa and watch Grey's Anataomy that I taped. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!..
And then...maybe...see if I can inspire myself enough to get my gym clothes on and burn some calories later.

see ya

Drive By Friday

Very Busy at work this week and fitting in life in to my exercise schedule. I'm behind on cardio and ahead on yoga so far. I feel like an air traffic controller swimming in molasses at work. I didn't even get to post on the first day of AUTUMN! Bummer. Be sure that pumpkin oatmeal pancakes were eaten.

Still in the friggin' 90's in Hotlanta , but we are supposed to get slightly cooler weather and rain. Love me some variety.

I saw a former kickboxing buddy from last fall's kickboxing group and she said it looks like I've lost a lot of weight. The pounds are not changing but the body is. I really do look smaller-I'd gotten comments that day already . Black shirt with purple butterfly and black yoga pants created a slimming line.

Ok, back to work, I'm on their time, technically.

Saw bits of this movie last night. Hmmmmmmm

Hump day tidbits--bits of tid

photo title "smoking Javier"
At Krogers last night I noticed this magazine cover and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I stared and stared. I am not a smoker and not in to smoking. But.......but .....OMG. :0)

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How did the Biggest Loser new season start up without me noticing? My dear husband recorded it for me while he played video games on line and I was doing a double class at Gym : Body Attack / Body pump/ then grocery shopping. When I got home at 8:20 he said, "I'm recording your show". I walked the dogs in the moonlight for a quick and dreamy night walk, thinking, "what show?". Then I got home. Smack me on the forehead! I watched about 20 minutes and then a shower and bed were calling me.

My wt loss / life change tv shows are now: "Too Fat for 15", "Thintervention", and "BL".

pjs**pjs**pjs**pjs**

PJS IN PUBLIC It's been a while since I've seen any to report, but this was such a smashing combo that I had to. It's not even cool enough for flannel Pjs but whatever. I'm walking out with my purchases from Kroger and there in front of the Red Box machine was a stunning woman with black top, military style short jean jacket, and Red / black flannel Pj pants with reindeer on them. Wowza!

**shopping**

Speaking of Krogers though, I bought this for me. Baby Wash in oatmeal vanilla and it is Loverly! I'm a sensitive skin girl and this is a great shower wash. Baby stuff is generally cheaper than adult stuff sometimes. I'm in a vanilla phase. Some years it's lavender or ginger. Solidly vanilla for a while now.

Scored 3 more cans of pumpkin. This is the first time I've seen canned pumpkin on the shelves and didn't have to ask for it. That brings my pumpkin stash to 5 cans--opening one today. There is a shortage of canned pumpkin, but probably plenty of the real things out there. May buy one soon.


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More serious stuff: coworker with Stage 4 cancer isn't doing well and is in a lot of pain. All I can say is pray for those that are in pain and with cancer. Women , keep up with your gyn appts / breast exams.

Rolling from Summer to Autumn with a daily one thing

Sadly this is not My local farmers market, but is an apple orchard in Vermont that I've visited, (not my photo though)

While it is supposed to be "OFFICIALLY" Autumn on Thursday , You couldn't tell it by the weather in Atlanta/ Hotlanta..Todays high is 95. We have 90's all week and the high next week may be high to mid 80's. Big sighhhhhhhhhh.

This is always the frustration of my life, i just read one of my Freshman college journals circa 1980 and I was beyatchin back then about this too. I am me.
( I also wrote a cool and sad journal entry the night that John Lennon was killed-not bad for 18 yrs old).

But I digress, looking at the Fall clothes and catalogs and the fleece blankets and pjs and knowing that in this reality-that's a month or 2 away . Once it gets here I'll be beyathcin about that and saying "what was I thinkin?".."it's wet and cold. "

My life or journey for the last several years has been about seeking balance. I work the body angle quite a bit and the results are there. Lately , like with the August challenge of "Just One Thing", I 've been working on the mind and spirit aspect quite a bit and have been carrying that over and will continue to do so. This has all bled in to being a bit sharper and conscientious with how and where I spend money, how I keep my house, how I shop, and how I spend my time in general.

This is the challenge part. The part that has been out of control. Diet / exercise/ journaling food and emotions--good. House a mess. money spending -not cautious. money saving-what? Car-a mess. yard -big mess. communication / socialization -hit or miss.

So I'm working on it all bit by bit. . . ... by bit.

Here's the latest and greatest on continuing the just one thing concept.
My 1 Thing: To find one thing at least each day that I am proud of, that I like about myself , that I see as being progress, that is a non scale victory, that shows me making an effort and if nothing else just something I am grateful for.

--shopping at farmer's market for veggies that are local / small farms..part of the local grower's movement-it supports the community and neighbors I live with, less cost in transporting the veggies, less environmental impact, forces me to plan and center my eating around in-season foods which also helps all of the above.

--Cleaned up , very well , part of our living room and made it in to a "Reading nook/dog-cat looking out the window area. Very cozy. -photos to come.

--Took my first load to the Good Will as part of my FALL campaign to declutter my house and to give to others. Some of this stuff, if I had neighbors with more money, would bring in a lot of dough at a yard sale. I'm enjoying giving up stuff, but it sometimes takes a lot of thought and a little prayer and making a stand with myself to do it.

--I've been doing yoga 3-4 times a week and my arms and butt are getting more toned doing this than ever before. Sometimes I go to classes at the gym and sometimes I just take 20 minutes at home to do it. Very relaxing and centering and strengthening.

--started shopping with coupons again, optimizing my cash by planning purchases based on big sales / coupons...stocked up when prices low on things.

--Changed how I count calories to make sure that I'm not "undercounting" which has been a reason I haven't lost in the past. I've been at this weight loss thing for so long that my body really doesn't need as much calories as I want to give it. (WHAT ELSE IS NEW , RIGHT?) no seriously, it REALLY doesn't need as much. I'm rounding up to add calories on when I think I'm under counting like a 195 becomes 200. I'm measuring more / or almost everything.

--recognized that my goal of jog / walking a 5k isn't what I really want to do. my knees hurt too bad and my feet do too. and this is ok. I'm walking more than ever. just not pounding on my arthritic joints.

These are all generalities. I've been journaling more and want to get back to finding a detailed "one thing" each day. working on that. see ya

Ahoy Mateys!!! IT BE TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

This be a day of grand celebration of the Swashbucklin' variety. Ahoy, all ye fellow revelers. This lass lives with the Captain of the year- long -pirate- ship- life, so it ain't just a day. It be a way of life. He brings his inner pirate. We be shivering timbers and swashbuckling and yarring and ahoying 24/7--it all be good.

Now where's me grog and where's the booty?

Oy, These be images of some true pirates --at least in the movies. I truly wouldn't make them walk the plank for eatin' bloody crackers in bed..If ye know what I be meaning.








Javier? How did ye get in there, me lovely? Ye'd be a mighty awesome pirate, yes!

Eroll Flynn the man that put the S in Swagger

Yes, there be blond pirates too. .. and woman.


Me husband suggested that Quuint from Jaws was a good bloody pirate.

Mr Darcy?This isn't Pride and (bloody) Prejudice Well, I guess ye got the right shirt. Ye be a proud land pirate, me guess?



Ok , YE too Mr. Darcy #2?



But saints preserve us! Here is me Pirate King.
The MAN. The ultimate Pirate. YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr...
Cap'n Jack


Now JOHNNY, He be a Pirate in real life too. savvy?

Go forth and swagger, Yo ho ho yer selves and enjoy ye day!

LowerCarbPalooza

What you see here are some awesome lower carb treats that I ordered online through Netrition.com and Vivalowcarb.com . Because even living in Metro Atlanta I can't find these at the stores. Not the smaller non-chain health food stores, Whole foods, Trader Joes or Walmart/Kroger/Publix. Well, Ingles did have some of the Maple Grove line of products--surprise -surprise but I'd already ordered this bunch. (Now I did just learn about a natural foods warehouse that may or may not have these items, so one of these days I may have to see if the Honda feels like trekking across half of Atlanta to get there.)

Most of these foods I learned about while eating Bistro MD because they follow the concept of eating smaller meals more frequently with more protein / less carb at each meal throughout the day. These snacks do have usually about 10 g protein (a chicken thigh or drumstick) which keeps me from getting too hungry between meals. I truly enjoyed snacking on Fritos-like nacho chips and sour cream and onion soy snacks and knowing that the protein / lower carb combo was going to keep me satisfied. And no guilt.

Over the many years it's taken me to lose the big poundage and get out of the super binge cycle, I've learned that , FOR ME, completely avoiding a food group or certain foods or places can be helpful when I'm in a crisis and am food crazed. In the long run, it always has a boomerang effect and I kick in to feeling deprived and then go HOG wild , literally. I know the black and white , all or nothing, and abstinence works for a lot of folks. But I'm learning that I seem to do better and still lose weight by allowing myself to have whatever but reasonably , for the most part planned and not impulse, with full sensory enjoyment and in balance with my diet as a whole.

So why am I ordering lower carb stuff? Well, I'd rather know that I can snack on protein pretzels if I want them, have cookies but cookies that taste good and won't spike my blood sugar because of the amount of protein they have, or have fantastic bagels for breakfast. These are things that I would consider on my "red light " list of foods that I can't have in the house, shouldn't have, typically enjoy but obsess on if it's the full carb version. There is a comfort and a peace about having this stuff available to me if I want it, and the thoughts and cravings for the other stuff are just not there.

So I'll tell ya about some of this stuff. I 'll throw in a little remark here in case I need to for the FTC, (I am not endorsed or sponsored by and none of these products were provided to me free of charge by Bistro MD, Netrition, Viva low carb, or any of the makers of the products. I just like them and use them and wanted to make sure blogworld knows about them. )

Western Bagel makes the most awesome Perfect 10 Bagel--it really deserves it's own post. They are nutty, very brown, full sized whole grain bagels and besides taste here is the absolute awesome part: 140 calories, 10 net carbs, 9 g fiber, 18 grams protein.


tp://www.kaysnaturals.com/ Most of the pretzels, nacho cheese chips, cinnamon almond cookies come from Kays Naturals. Now, these, are an acquired taste. They do not taste like Hanover pretzels or Doritos or bakery cookies. But they'll do and they are pretty tasty and usually about 110 calories and 10 grams of protein and 9 or 10 g of carb per serving.

Chocolate. Thanks to Loretta I learned about Chocoperfection and one of those low carb sites sold individual bars which I preferred to try versus ordering up a big $20 set of. I think it is as good as Godiva. I like the Sugar free Hersheys Special Dark probably just as well, but I haven't compared the carbs in them . No matter, I'll enjoy what I've got for now. 40 cal for a small piece. yum.

That's it for now. I haven't tried the low carb hot cocoa or pancake mix yet.

We replaced our over-the-range microwave and so I have new counter space since I've been able to retire my 20 yr old counter top microwave (to Goodwill today). This may look messy to you, I realize my laundry area is a mess behind there, but it looks and is better organized. My basket with measuring cups and spoons and scale are in one place, all my seasonings and herbs are there in one place , more room for chopping up the veggies I'm going to buy at the Farmers Market today . Pictures to come.

SEE YA HAPPY SATURDAY...

Habits, Work, Goals, Rewards

Hotlanta is currently in the 90's everyday and maybe the low 60's at night. Is it fall yet?

This Starbucks mug I've been wanting for months and I could go buy it at anytime but I don't. Because I set it as a goal a long time ago that I would get it when I got out of the 220s. It has special meaning for me.

Right now I'm just Living life. Working on work stuff, working on the eating right and living life to lose the excess pounds, working on home stuff. Weight wise-exactly the same as last week's Thursday which is ok , I guess, since I ate at the Cheesecake Factory on Sunday and had food poisoning on Monday. I realized I'm not working out as intensely as I usually do , because I just don't feel that good. The joys of perimenopause. But I keep exercising and I'll pick up the intensity.



Otherwise, my focus is on other things in my life besides weight loss. Bad habits. I'm a clutter bug. I wouldn't say I was a hoarder, but to some people it might look that way because I'm just messy. I don't have a problem with saving every sponge I've every used and every newspaper I've read. But I do get very sentimental about things that my mother or sister gave me who have both passed. I also have a tendency to put things in one place and then forget where they are until/if I find them again. Very frustrating.

I admit that I hang on to things because I know one day I'll fix it or use it or something. I save some magazines ( not all) because I know there's that article about "how to know if it's cold or flu"," best snacks for 100 cal", " best flat tummy foods", "how to get stains out"...etc. I'm ripping these out and throwing them in a file box for now and throwing those magazines away. I'm not even doing that as much because there is Google / wikipedia ya know.

Actually this is where I shine right now. I've really been pecking away at this. I've got a big box marked "goodwill" and as I go through the house I pick up things, books, clothes, whatever and drop it in. I plan to take that box to Goodwill this weekend as well as a box of magazines to the recycle place. And I plan to work on the next box next week. I'm making a dent. I've reorganized a lot of things: closets, sewing supplies, house repair items, home medicines, files.

You can actually go shopping in your own junk. I've found magic markers, pens, and tape that I was going to probably buy new again , thinking I didn't have any. I found that biography of Princess Diana that I've wanted to read that I bought last year at Borders book store for $3. I found a wallet full of coins. I've got enough toothpaste, dental floss, and toothbrushes to get us into 2011 and have it all organized in one place.

Goals and rewards: Get to 219 so I can get that Starbucks Atlanta mug I want--I was kissed at that pavilion in the park once. Get the table and boxes in living room cleaned up so I can get those pink Betty Boop Pjs at Walmart.
It is time.

Scarce Pumpkin and the Cheesecake Factory

Sunday was my excursion to the Cheesecake Factory for an ill / "going to surgery " coworker get together. I think I'm done for the Cheesecake Factory for 2010.

"No pumpkin cheesecake till mid October"..SAY WHAT!??!!

Otherwise, I got what I planned. Actually , I got less than I planned. I got a small plate endive salad and a small plate Pizzette which was probably the size of 1 piece of Pizza. Since I couldn't get my 700 calories slice of pumpkin pie cheesecake..I vacillated and I vacillated. I thought I had ordered the low carb cheesecake but evil food addict little girl ordered some kind of chocolate peanut butter thing.

I didn't eat all of it. But I can say that today I literally feel as though I have food poisoning-chills, headache, nausea...other GI symptoms. UGGGG!!
My body just doesn't DO that stuff anymore. I'm sticking to soup and toast or jello today .

Also , a weekend of a lot of walking through temptations...I enjoyed the Farmer's Market in our little town, but I had to deal with home made breads, biscotti, macarrons, and other various baked goods..didn't get any.
Then a quick trip to Whole foods to get a GNU fiber bar..they only had 3 flavors and I got one of each and some fresh fruit and Dr. Krackers that I keep reading about. I completely avoided the cheese and bakery section which was a good thing. But by gosh, they put packs of home made cookies right on the checkout stand. Didn't get any--full of chocolate / peanut butter/ salad / pizzette.

Now, The Pumpkin Scare. I had started the pumpkin enjoyment as soon as Sept 1 hit with a can I had bought last winter--pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin and yogurt, pumpkin cottage cheese. But I haven't been able to find ANY pumpkin ANY where since. I've looked at 3 stores. So when they asked me at my friendly Publix if I could find everything I wanted I said "NO..I REALLY want Pumpkin. "
She bought out a case of pumpkin and said there was a pumpkin shortage due to bad weather last year and all they had was this one case of organic pumpkin -I bought 3 cans. googled it, sure enough there is a pumpkin shortage.

Just thought y'all should know.

Self Care : Mornings

Being grateful today. For mornings. For life. For Freedom.
Here are some of my mornings this week.













There is a bird's nest in here somewhere.





Here is this morning's bounty from the small Farmer's Market near my home.

The Wonka / Cheesecake Factory

Thank you for the well wishes. pac man let go of my tummy, but is twinging my back...errrrh! gettin old... gonna skip weight training tonight, I think, and walk or do some bike riding. And that's ok.

I gotta go to the Cheesecake Factory this weekend. I know, it sounds like "I gotta go to the dentist". It's for a cancer sickened coworker..maybe a last hurrah kind of thing. If you've never been to this restaurant, then be grateful. Almost everything on the menu is like 800 calories minimum. And that is the low starting number for the cheesecake slices.

When I go to calorie-dense places I usually order a salad with something like an appetizer or little pizzas or a sandwich and take half home . I'll get a slice of pumpkin cheesecake--that is our whole groups "thing" and maybe eat half and take the other half home. They do have a low carb cheesecake which is good, but I like hot fudge on it which defeats the purpose. Plus, IT"S PUMPKIN TIME! Likely the only pumpkin cheesecake I'll get this year which is also ok.

It's a good plan, it works, I get to enjoy the goodies and balance out the calories.
I know it slows down the weightloss. I know I don't want to avoid it because of my friend, and I so rarely get to see my coworkers-we all work at home.

But it is still like throwing a chocolate addict in to Willie Wonka's factory with keys to all the rooms. Just let me swim in the chocolate river!

Who is your favorite Wonka?

Doh!......"sumthin bit me!"

"sumthin bit me!" -- Forrest Gump


You would think as a nurse I could have prevented this. Or. As a focused and sorta ocd journaling person that journals how I feel and what I eat, I wouldn't get myself in to this kind of mess.

But I did.

I'm too high maintenance. I missed a Claritin yesterday and the allergies are whooping me today. I realized changing the filter on my Cpap machine would help..doh. gotta do that.

I ignored the soreness, salty , raw taste in my mouth which was probably my mucosa membranes telling me "Hey lady, !!! too much acid, to much acidity, chill it on the coffee and tea and crystal light and red dye #3 and all that other tasty stuff!!"

Cause if the mouth is sore from all that stuff, the gut is even worse. In other words my "nearly an ulcer" which had 'gotten all bettah' is biting me from the inside today . It is a specific pain that one would describe to a doctor as "Gnawing". It's as if a big Pac man is inside biting my stomach and shaking it like a dog with a floppy toy. Not burning , acid like indigestion. No this is like a 'hole in my tummy' ache.

"But you saw the Gi doc and you are supposed to take Prevacid / or it's cheap generic equivalent until the symptoms go away and then just as needed"

Yes, right , did that.

"And he said, it didn't have much to do with what you ate ( and you didn't believe him)

right.

WHATEVER.
Prevacid--check. tums -check. Skipped the veggie chili on plan for lunch and ate greek yogurt. thinking about nice bland foods for the next day or so.

too high maintenance. gotta heal myself again .


6:58 pm addendum ..sorry for the whining. In reality , it was a good day..did yoga outside for a little while this morning. I watched both the sunrise (hot pink) and the sunset (muted grey and lavendar). Lots to be thankful for.

Sacred Space...........Self Care

Self care through anything other than food. Do you have a special place where you go to cool off? chill out? read? pray? stare in to space? meditate? Just Veg?

This is mine. This is where I do all of those things. I call it my 'magic oak tree '. Magic because it is always so much cooler in that spot than in the bright sun or on our patio. Magic because it always settles me down, smooths me out. When I'm dealing with a patient / work situation that brings me down or upsets me, I just come out here and let it go. It is like flipping a switch sometimes. And other times it is just a place to remember to breathe.

It started as a chair and a table and then I fluffed it out a bit over time. I've never had more than one visitor (human visitor) to my sacred circle but would love to have my blog friends here for a chat over a cup of coffee. My dogs and cat sit here with me for now, and since they all fall asleep here ....I'll take that as confirmation that it is a good chill out zone. Sometimes I put a blanket out here and just lie down.





I've read many a book and written a few blog posts here. It's a place I journal, drink coffee, cool off while cooking the Thanksgiving meal, make smores in the fire pit with my husband and look for meteor showers on rare occasions. When I was a young kid my great grandmother had a circle like this and I remember sitting around with family and dogs talking and laughing and eating fresh strawberries we picked from her garden with vanilla ice cream.

This space gets a seasonal update. Soon I will have pumpkins and a scarecrow and fall mums out there and will spend many a Sunday afternoon or a quick 15 minute mid day work break out there watching the leaves fall and the blue sky. For now, it's a place for butterfly viewing, cloud watching, staring in to space, and day dreaming.




Continuing the Self Care
I got a lot out of the August challenge of Doing One Thing Consistently and mine was finding one thing each day to be proud of, grateful for, non scale victories, and to acknowledge my efforts. I'm planning on keeping this up for the rest of the year. I'll journal them each day in my paper journal, and I'll post some of them as I go . That is quite a challenge becasue I have to make the effort to do this each day, otherwise it all just becomes a blur.

Sept 1 Welcomed Fall (technically still Summer) with a healthy Pumpkin Oatmeal Pancake.
Sept 2 Planned and followed food and exercise plan.
Sept 4 Tempted by old habits and food enjoyments and walked through that , thought through that, and did something else about it.

And New for September ....Trust ( and a pumpkin recipe at the end)

September is already bringing about new things for me and it all boils down to Trust. Trust trust trust.

1. End of summer and Fall brings on a new round of allergies, sore throats, itchy eyes, you name it. If I don't stay on top of it, it turns into sinusitis / bad bronchitis / bad bad bad. So a fresh box of Claritin is on the grocery list and I have a coupon. I trust that Claritin , healthy diet, vitamins, healthy living will get me through.

2. A new catalytic converter, new back brakes and an oil change for Sapphy (Sapphire) my 12 year old Honda Accord with 178k miles. You see, in my county you have to pass an emissions test to get your car tag and since my birthday is coming up I have to get my car tag. And my Honda Accord has had check engine light issues for about 5 years. Every Fall we get it fixed long enough to pass the test and then the darn check engine light comes on again. In other words, no one ever really fixes it. Trust, you see ,that this investment of $995 in to old Sapphy was the better choice than caving in and buying a new car. Trust that Scott at the car place was right that she looks good except for that one issue (except for the paint issues too.) Woo hoo! She passed the emissions test today and another car tag is on order.

3. And the bigger trust issue is around the food plan / weight control / healing issues I'm working on currently that seem to take up a big percentage of my daily activity / thought processes. Trust is the cornerstone- my center to this whole thing.

And I screw up and forgive and start over almost every day .

Quick Summary of my Weight Loss Methods with a catch-up to date. (scavenged / edited some of this from old posts)

--- Starting weight 345 and current weight 221 for the last 3 days which to me means it's pretty much accurate and a new starting point for next week as long as I don't go all out on this 3 day weekend. I hit 221 for a short morning a few weeks ago and gained and lost 7 lbs since then several times. That is my pattern. I hit a lower weight, I celebrate and relax just a smidge for a day , and then gain back at least 5 lbs.


---When I lost the first 100 ish lbs in the first 2-3 years it happened fairly consistently until the last 50 lbs. Basic calorie counting or food exchanges (diabetic type diet where I would have certain amounts of protein / carb/ fat / veg etc each day.) With time ,I had to reduce calories and amp up exercise to keep the wt loss going. I met with a Dietitian who modified things every few weeks

---At first, I'd lose 10 lbs -12 lbs every month and then that stopped. plateau. Then, I'd lose inches for a month and no pounds. Plateau , plateau. Then start losing pounds again. Then Platauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. As a well controlled diabetic and at age 47 now , weight loss is gonna be sloowwwww.
I started at 345 in December of 2006.

--For me To lose, requires honest and tight calorie control and at around 1300-1600 cal / day most days with a lot of exercise. Add to this little mix the problem of being a foodie that likes quality/fresh/somewhat gourmet food, a food addict since childhood, a compulsive (recovering) over eater, and a bit of a control-freak-rebel which makes honest and tight calorie control hard.

--Then after a really long and frustrating plateau, I did 2 years of Good Measure Meals- a local food delivery system of fresh foods at 1400 calories a day for 3 meals and sometimes their snacks of 200cal a snack or sometimes mine. Works well if you stick to it. The pluses are structure and portion control. But it gets boring, hard to follow the strictness, hard to have a daily goal of 1600 calories and probably really eat 2000 a day. The ol food addict / rebel kicks in. Restriction isn't good for me, but I thought that was just me failing again. I worked in snacks and treats and chocolate and still lost weight, but it wasn't very speedy. plateau.

---After a while, I wasn't losing for 6 months at a time. 6 months of still journaling food, still counting calories, or following my food plan , interspersed with binges and completely falling off plan, and starting over again and again. Weary at this point , frustrated, rebellious.

--Switched to Bistro MD this June which was lower carb, higher protein, 1200 calories for 3 meals AND 2 snacks a day and eating every 3 hours. This works pretty well for me, but eating frozen meals 3 times a day, the lower carbs, the lack of choice, restriction, leads to boredom ,frustration, rebellion. the old cycle.

--Overall, I think Meal delivery systems are great when you are in the right mindset and need to give up control because you can't trust yourself to plan and choose and measure and stick to it. If nothing else it teaches you good portion control, opens up your palate to new and healthy foods, and saves on cooking and prep time. I've already mentioned my negatives and cost is a bit of a factor here too.

What I've been doing since about mid August: I wanted to trust myself. I was having the boredom, frustration , rebellion feelings-obsessing on foods, giving in to my inner carb addict, having binge-type behavior even though not the old large pizza/ pint of ice cream or loaf of bread binges of the old old days. I realized that not choosing what I wanted to eat and not consistently trying it on my own was making me have less faith in my abilities. For 2 + years on food meal delivery system , I didn't have enough time on a consistent basis to really get good at planning and measuring and choosing. I was only off meal delivery systems for days at a time or even weeks , but it would make me feel like a shipwrecked person being tested and having to contain myself from going crazy when I get back to civilization. I had treats and chocolate, but it just didn't seem to be enough freedom. struggle.

--So for the last 2 weeks I've been doing my own plan - a mixture of the Bistro Md foods on some days to have a switch up of really tight, lower carb calorie control with days where I have all my own choices and plan and prepare my meals. I've modeled it after their plan of 3 meals and 2 to 3 snacks per day at roughly around 1400 to 1600 calories a day and eating about every 3 -4 hours. My weight for the last couple of days is 221-the lowest ever since the 80's. It's becoming more noticeable to other people and to me that my body is changing.

I'm having to trust in myself again . I'm experiencing hunger and meal times. Also, no hunger but I need to eat a protein / carb snack to keep the metabolism going and so I don't over do it when the next feeding comes. I shop for more foods for myself and being exposed to seeing more foods than I've seen.

Here's my real and latest inner dialogue: "I want to eat roasted veggies today , but I'd have to go shopping. I want to try that frozen low carb yogurt place..ooh it's near Whole foods. hmmmm...road trip?...Uh , no..Those raisin scones at Whole foods. Not that I can't have them sometime, but I just hit 221 consistently. I don't want to blow it. "

or the inner dialogue from last night at the grocery store

"So , I could get those 60 calorie brownie things, but I already bought these sweet potatoes to bake. Sweet potatoes are healthier, full of fiber, and completely yummy. So I'll try the little brownies another time. Plus,I've got chocolate protein bars and sugar free quality chocolate at home when I want it. Plus it is a spur of the moment purchase --impulse buys -no good. "


For success , for me, anything less than scrupulous honesty is what made me fail in the past. Every recipe and every meal with a tsp of this and a tablespoon of that and every pickle and every pecan half has to be counted and tracked. Because to lose,I really have to exercise a certain amount and eat a certain amount. Weight loss math calories in and calories out. That's why Weight Watchers worked at first, I'd get sloppy, my wt loss was naturally slow, I'd get frustrated / bored / rebel. Fail .

**So...Trust, balancing it out, not restricting, planning but yet having many good options , measuring. remembering what I really want and need. Pulling back and seeing the big picture. enjoying variety of foods , all foods, no restrictions for me equals no rebellion which means ...possibly success? a way of life? peace? balance ?

I hope so ......;)

(let me give you an example of how I track and I'll give you a good Pumpkin recipe. I buy measuring cups and spoons in multiples at the $1 store , so I've always got them on hand. )


PUNKIN'COTTAGE
1/2 cup canned pumpkin ===40 cal
1 tsp brown sugar splenda===20 cal
1 tsp flax seed meal =======10 cal
1/4 c non fat cottage cheese==40 cal
4 toasted pecan halves===45 cal
pumpkin pie spice to taste
10 raisins-I measure these out and they came to 20 cal
stir it up and enjoy you can adjust the ingredients to suit your taste

total calories: 175 calories, full of protein and fiber and a filling snack
I may turn orange before November

Welcome September--Thank God, It's Autumn (almost)

(The North Georgia cabin where we spent a Fall weekend in 09)

Fresh calendar page-check.
Feels kinda like a new beginning -again -check
Paycheck for auto deposit on Friday -check.
Mortgage and loan set up for bill pay -check.
3 day weekend -check, check.

I welcome each month, but especially the next few months. I'm a Fall girl-my birthday is in October. The weather starts getting cooler, and nature slowly turns golden and rust and brilliant red. I don't have to restrict my dog walking to a short window in the morning when we chase shade from tree to tree for the small measure of relief that it gives from the sun.

Generally in Fall, I spend more time outside. I take Claritin almost every day for allergies, but that is ok-a small sacrifice. Frequent checks to The Weather Channel and an occasional "Woo hoo!" when ever I see lower and lower temps. When I first see a temp predicted for the 50's ,I honor it by getting up and doing a quick happy dance and announcing it and monitoring it several times daily with reports to my husband. By the way , the low here Sunday night is predicted to be 60. YAHOOZY!
Of course, that is subject to change and often does which is why I keep a close eye on things.

This is Atlanta aka Hotlanta. Autumn really comes here in late Oct and Nov. I know technically it isn't Autumn until later this month, but September just sounds like Fall. Oh, the leaves don't actually fall off our oak trees till mid December. Snow? What is Snow?

Thankfully, we are just a short drive to the mountains of North Georgia , so many of us venture up to see the leaves turn or the first snow falls. Harvest and Autumn and Old Mountain Ways or Sorghum or Apple festivals abound , but you have to be able to tolerate this Autumn festival season and deal with a teasing cool morning that hits 97 degree temps by mid day. Not a happy time clothes wise. Layers.

This weather channel obsession, the way I pine and sigh when visiting the Autumn sections of Michael's or Hobby Lobby or Joanne's, putting the pumpkins and sunflower decorations out and burning pumpkin scented candles way early, it's distracting and I've been trying to hold it off for weeks now. This is all wishful, thinking and living. I need to stay in the present and have reminded myself that all week.

What I think Fall SHOULD be and Fall IS, here in the South are two different things. I want the Country Living magazine or Martha Stewart magazine or Seventeen 'back to school' issue kind of Fall.

And I've had that kind of Fall. I've traveled alot during Autumn because of this love. Though I've mostly lived in the south, I've worked as a traveling nurse all around the country. I've lived in Virginia during the fall as well as Tucson, Arizona. Very different climates, but Tucson is a great jumping off point to get to The Grand Canyon and Colorado ( and Mexico, Utah, California). This Southern Girl had never seen a grove of Birch trees in Autumn Golden Glory until that first Arizona Fall .

Autumn in New York city-yep. Michigan-yes. Tennessee -yes. A week driving around Boston, Maine and New Hampshire in Fall and staying in B and B's-wistful sigh of yes. A week in Vermont yes-love me some Vermont pumpkin stands and Macintosh apples. Oh, and Fall in Canada too. I'm hooked on it. I must be a reincarnated New Englander. Oh and most of those trips took place a long time ago when I visited friends who lived there--the only way to travel.

So maybe that explains my obsession with the Weather channel. I'm looking at the places I've lived and been too and remembering and wishing for cooler weather. Or just reminiscing a little.

I know those of you who live in colder climates where you have to dig out from snow or plug your cars in to keep them from freezing , would roll their eyes and think this is crazy. I've been snowed in and had to dig out of a blizzard in Canada once. - 20 c degrees is good outdoor weather for me. In the South, I've had too many Christmases in the 70's and 80's. Sweated my way through too many football games in the 90's. Have had perfectly good sweaters and fleece sit unused for months on end and then when you do wear them, When it is really , finally friggin cold..you freeze your tail off. Good excuse for hot tea or hot cocoa, though.

I WOULD NEVER LIVE IN FLORIDA..NEVA EVAH

So yeah . I want a real Fall and I want it now.( Veruca Salt-Willy Wonka)).

I'll watch the Fall movies: "The Big Chill", "The Village", "St Elmo's Fire", "Halloween" 1-10 something, and "Fatal Attraction " and jump at the bathroom scene every time. I'm already burning the cinnamon and pumpkin candles. Had a cup of hot cinnamon / lemon water -my Fall morning drink. I welcomed September with the first Pumpkin oatmeal pancake of the season this morning. I want Chili and cornbread , but it's just too darn hot still. I'll hunt up the Fall decorations and get them going.

So there's my Fall rant. It's a really big thing with me. Kinda like Linus and the Great Pumpkin. (Oh, my favorite Peanuts special. )

As much as I want Fall and pine for Autumn splendor, I also dread the coming Chocolate Holidays (Halloween and Christmas.) I handle them pretty well and have successfully devised little plans to get through them without too much added poundage.
But, oh, the effort. Oh, the mind games. Oh, the therapy bills.

***added 02/12/11? ??? question from Pj here?? I've noticed many readers linking to this post? ??? from what, where? why? say hi! and let me know