Oh MY BLOG AWARD -- Soundtrack of my childhood

A big Thank You! to Debbie at Becoming an Ex Yo Yo Dieter
for my very first award. I had a ball thinking about how to respond. Since I have no desire to Drink my calories and 'no photos please ' I picked C-Soundtrack of my childhood...see below

Here are the details on the award:
1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!

2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:

(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.

(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.

(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.

(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.

(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it.

3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.


I'm gonna pass this one on to some great bloggers that I enjoy reading and hearing from in my comments..here goes:

Loretta at http://lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/
Kim at http://savingmylife-kim.blogspot.com/
Genie at http://dietof51.blogspot.com/

*****************************************************

Sountrack of My Childhood...ooh..music..big thing in my life. Hardest is paring the list down-it was twice this long. Born in 1962 and graduated in 1980, so here is a trip down memory lane. Thanks to Wikipedia as my fact checker.

1. First songs I remember singing along with on the old 8 track player
-"Puff the Magic Dragon"-Peter, Paul , and Mary
-"Stop in the Name of Love"-Diana Ross and the Supremes"
-"ABC"-The Jackson 5
-"Hound dog"-Elvis


2. Then there are the movie songs:
-"Chim Chim cheree" and "Spoonful of Sugar"---Mary Poppins
-"Maria"-West Side Story
-"Do re mi"-The Sound of Music
--"Dah Dum , Da Dum" no idea the name but the theme to Jaws 1975 baby

3. The Tv show soundtracks:
-Bewitched , I Dream of Jeannie, The Brady Bunch, Gilligans Island, The Munsters *snap, snap*, M*a*s*h

4. Then the songs that my friend Tracy and I loved to sing along with or had crushes on the bands:
-"Jeremiah was a bullfrog"-CCR
-"Norweigan wood"-The Beatles
-"Sister Golden Hair"-America
-"Bennie and the Jets"-Elton John
-"S A T U R D A Y"-Bay City Rollers
-"I'm a Believer:-The Monkees
-"Shake Shake Shake: Shake your Booty"-Kc and the Sunshine Band
-"Rock and Roll all night"-Kiss
-"Jessie's Girl"-Rick Springfield (first concert!)

5. Sonny and Cher must make an appearance
-"I got you babe"
-just Cher "Gypsey Tramps and Thieves"

6. And the Carpenters -any and all Carpenters songs

7. Then all the Dreamy, Spacey, Long haired singer bands that I loved or felt transported by:
-"Do you feel like I do "--Peter Frampton
-"Lady"-Styx
-"Slow ride"-Foghat
-"Rhiannon"-Fleetwood mac
-"Wheel in the Sky", "Lights"--Journey
-"Stairway to Heaven"--Led Zeppelin
-"Hotel California"--The Eagles
-"Dreamweaver"-Gary Wright
-"Bohemian Rhapsody"-Queen

8. Purely southern rock
-"Sweet home Alabama"-Lynard Skynard

9. Get DOWN and boogie:
-"Too hot ta trot" and "Brickhouse"-The Commodores

10. Closing 1980 it's a toss up
-"Call Me"-Blondie
-"we will, we will rock you "-Queen
-"Sailing"--Christopher Cross

Week 10 Spring Challenge

Winding down..getting habits

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks do some kind of clean up or organizing around the house. This will help my self esteem and overall outlook on life and life itself. We are all different on this journey and I'm a procrastinator. I would rather exercise, read, or watch tv than clean.
2. Every day for the next 13 weeks eat a fruit or veggie as one of my snacks.
3. Listening to what my body needs and doing it.
4. Not eating ANYTHING after 9 pm.
5. Reduce artificial sweetener usage.
6. Check in every Saturday.
7. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself
8. Save up to buy myself a Reward at the end for making my goal


GOALS Update
#1-Clean up / Organization--I'm slacking a little in here..gotta be honest

#2 Doin' good. Just went to a country food buffet and mostly ate salad

#3 SIckness winding down, finally. Took some naps this week, went to bed early a few times, drank a lot of water, exercised and enjoyed it .

#4 Did about 90% with this

#5 I'm down to about a 1/2 pack of sweet n low in a cup of coffee or in a cup of iced coffee

#6 um sunday

#7 my good qualities: hope ,patience, empathy

#8. I'm shopping on line for what I want, but it keeps changing. I'm looking for a handcrafted ring in gold or gold vermeil with a single gemstone. any ideas?

It's a 3 day Weekend, People.. ...Whatcha doin?

I'm giddy..last day of work and a 3 day weekend. Chance to blow it regarding food --No structure!!..chance to have a great 3 day weekend regarding food.
Hmmm --what to do ?

This week has been:
Work: the suckage..too much to do ...overwhelming
Body: the suckage again..yesterday saw me unexpectedly throwing up..the last time I did that was Christmas 2008 and I lay on the sofa and watched 'The Sound of Music' while wrapped in blankets. Yesterday , saw me taking a breath, washing my face, and sitting down to work after that. That sort of set off more coughing spells. Oy! feeling better today after I had a good cry over it all.
Mind: see # 1 and #2...I needa break
Spirit: INVIGORATED! I'm ready to play!


THANK YOU, DEBBIE, at http://exyoyodieter.blogspot.com I have my first award and will be working on that post and others...

My Weekend plans are to do this (in no particular order): go to OA meeting.....Eat healthy within my calorie range 1400-1800...have a treat within my calorie range each day ...post my weight and measurements.........hit up Lowes for herbs / flowers/ other goodies for yard and plant them.......... join the new Gym tonight and workout as much as I can over the next 3 days,............... See Sex and the City 2 and have a girls afternoon out with a friend.............Read, Journal, Sleep, Color, Read, Watch movies, Relax, Pray, spend time with my honey and my animals, sit under the oak tree in my back yard. rest.....Sounds divine.



WHAT YOUUU DOIN'?

Biggest Loser Finale ( fiasco in my opinon)****spoiler on results

Sorry if this post sounds snarky, but I was emotionally invested in this show for months . I get upset when things seem unfair.

Koli was robbed I tell ya.

Seriously, the man won 100k as the Biggest loser for the 'contestants "at home" bunch. But his weight loss stats were a loss of over 53% of his body weight whereas the Biggest Loser Winner of 250k -Michael lost just over 50%. Granted , Michael's loss was incredible, the most weight lost ever in BL history, and I'm super happy for him .

It all boiled down to America voting for Daris to be in the final 3 instead of Koli because Koli probably came off too cocky and Daris was the fallen young man after he binged at home--see my previous post..I still question the producer's choice to let Daris plea while crying and begging for support.

(I am genuinely happy for Daris and all the other contestants. I think the other 2 in the final 3 should get some kind of prize too ).

But what did Daris's mom mean by saying "daris is a man's man "....?

Ok, ok it's just a show.

But Koli breaks my heart with his shy, hangdog expression......and I was upset to see that it looks like Danny ,last season's winner, is gaining back some weight too.

I think the finale is weird because you've been watching this show for months, you've been hearing the contestants talk and talk and spill their guts for months. Suddenly , they are made to be pretty much speechless and just stand there awkwardly while Alison babbles on.

Oh well...when does the Jillian show start? when is the next BL season?...I'm hooked.

Sometimes the horoscope says it all....

&%#@!!!!! Darn it.. I posted and then I went in to correct a typo and then I erased the gosh darn thing.

I will try to recreate.

I have some great ideas for posts and I just took some terrific photos, but I need to get back to work. Before I do, I just wanted to say this.

1. Biggest Loser Finale is on tonight...hmm ..what will happen?... If you don't watch the show , it's kinda cool to watch the finale at least because usually the contestants are just so happy and proud to have changed their lives. (But sometimes the clothes they pick for them to wear are awfull. IMHO)

2. I glanced at my horoscope just before deciding to post ..something..and it is right on target...my horoscope says it all. I don't know if I "believe" , but they do seem to be accurate some times. I just bagged up oodles of clothes that are too big for me for Goodwill. I had just journaled something with this same message.

So works for me....

Libra: Your desires are close to the surface now. You're like a snake shedding its skin -- somewhat vulnerable, but ready to shuck off anything that inhibits or restricts you. That might mean purging your wardrobe of items that don't fit or don't look right, showing a bore the door or just ridding yourself of a bad habit that holds you back. You're feeling rebellious and ready to rock, but it's no pose -- these impulses come from a deep and trustworthy place.

Bit of this and that

Bit of this and that...
Saturday Shopping--girly time .....
I saw the Old Navy ads for $1 flip flops, and since I was having cabin fever I decided to check that out and their "cabana dresses"...what the heck? by afternoon they were out of all the flip flops that I had like in the ads and the dresses, I just can't do the sleeveless thing...un unh..

On to Ulta next door to treat myself to a new nail polish. Opi's Japanese Rose Garden.( I don't know what it is , but I like the color as it looks in the bottle, but don't like it once it's on my toes.)



I was walking this little strip mall for some exercise, so on to Belks to check out the Pjs. But first the Womens clothing dept. OMG, loud prints and sleeveless 60's outfits and madras shorts. All I could think of was the tv show Madmen , but kind of how Kmart would have done Madmen styles. Not as pretty as the ladies of Madmen above. No decent pjs to be found. Iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts on the way home made it ALL BETTA!





Sunday-I organized and folded laundry and gathered up clothes that are many sizes too big to give away. That was rewarding --ching on my list for the spring break challenge. I also enjoyed a dvd of The Regency House Party which aired on Pbs many years ago. Ah , Mr. Darcy.





Burger fix. Sometimes I really crave just a burger and fries, but if it's fast food I usually check the nutritional counts on line. I haven't had a burger and fries in a month or so and it was a former frequent meal. For just over 400 calories I had the Low carb burger at Hardees... not a bad option but not one I want to make frequently. Basically lettuce wrapped around the burger instead of bun . No food porn photos, sorry.

Food -wise this weekend I was just not as focused. I ate over my usual calories on one day, but not horribly. I'm not really upset about it. I wasn't obsessing. I didn't binge. I didn't journal. I did check out calories on line before eating something and made better choices in one area and not so good choices in another. Was it a win? do I feel it was successful?

It just was what it was. I ate when I wasn't hungry once. I stopped eating when I realized I wasn't hungry another time. I didn't eat something because I was full. I ate something that had too many calories. It was what it was. It isn't how I normally do things. It isn't the structured plan I usually follow. But it wasn't all about the food and white knuckling time either. Inconsistent, but it seemed kind of normal? Not the type of eating that is going to get me to my goals in weight loss, but it was ok.

I'm hoping to get back to the gym for a Zumba class tomorrow night and back in the swing of my usual eating patterns. Weekends--love em and glad when they are over.

Week 9 Update Spring Challenge

Saturday Challenge Check. On time. I'm working on a Greys Anatomy marathon here..I have to clear out the stored dvr shows. Trip to walmart produced a lot of coughing. ButI'm going go for a walk today darn it. I'm sick of this sick stuff. Ready to play.

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks do some kind of clean up or organizing around the house. This will help my self esteem and overall outlook on life and life itself. We are all different on this journey and I'm a procrastinator. I would rather exercise, read, or watch tv than clean.
2. Every day for the next 13 weeks eat a fruit or veggie as one of my snacks.
3. Listening to what my body needs and doing it.
4. Not eating ANYTHING after 9 pm.
5. Reduce artificial sweetener usage.
6. Check in every Saturday.
7. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself
8. Save up to buy myself a Reward at the end for making my goal


GOALS Update
#1-Clean up / Organization--this week was kind of ..do a lot one day,nothing on others, more on others....

#2 got this, fruit and veg rule

#3 Let's check in here. NO exercise since last week because it's better for me not to. Naps. Early to bed. Extra fluids. No spicy stuff. Decrease coffee. I'm listening, I'm doing. Can we get a healing please!?! Ok, sorry to whine.

#4 Probably 90% good here.

#5 yep

#6 on time

#7 I have naturally wavy hair and actual corkscrew curls in some places when it air dries. Now I like that part. But things get a little too frizzy at other times.

#8. I'm shopping on line for what I want, but it keeps changing.

Friday Night at Walmart

Cabin fever had set in and my husband's inability to buy the correct green can of salmon Fancy Feast that my Yella Kitty loves, led me to Walmart tonight. I had a list made out by sections since I wanted this trip to be as quick as possible due to my ongoing illness. cough..

As always , I was on the prowl for "PJS in PUBLIC". Sadly, everyone was properly dressed. I really looked too. No PJs, No House slippers. Darn. I did see one guy in a Renaissance costume and I figure he either works at Medieval Times or is planning a weekend out at the Renaissance Fair that's in town. And by Gawd, I even saw a guy in a Dolche and Gabanna T shirt! In the boonies! At Walmart. Heading for the yogurt.

Anyway, what struck me about this trip was that I saw so many people in wheelchairs. I mean one or two is standard. But I must have seen a half dozen people in wheelchairs just in one half of the place. I'm a nurse and I'm super analytical , so this intrigued me. A convention? a meeting? curious.

Then I remembered how on Friday nights my parents and I would go to the local equivalent of a Walmart for dinner and shopping. You know , the scary little 'luncheon counter' area with orange plastic booths where the classic meals are burger and fries, tuna salad sandwich, chicken fried steak, or a Blt. We lived in a VERY small town. This was exciting stuff. I'd go peruse the magazines for Tiger Beat or 16 or Seventeen while my mom bought herself another pair of Keds shoes, a carton of Pall Mall cigarettes, and the really groovy 70's Herbal Essence shampoo bottle. It was the 70's and we always got home before The Brady Bunch came on..yes folks..in primetime.

Ok, back to the future of my story here. Shopping completed. No one screaming with Tourettes which has happened on more than one occasion when I visit our local store. Although, several bags of Rutabegas started falling on me while I persued the celery ..I didn't touch a thing!...The Walmart guy ran over and assured me they had overstocked them.

The only thing I didn't find were the small boxes of raisins - portion control. No unwanted chocolate or pretzels landed in my buggy . In the checkout lane, I spied some new M and M flavors and was repulsed 'Pretzel m and m's' and I think I saw this , but it was kind of a nightmare. I didn't want to look too close ...'Strawberried peanut butter?' surely I read that wrong. (checked wikipedia-I was right) I'm a purist on the M and M front, plain.. cough

To home, but now coughing like a mad woman. But it was worth it, I think . Kitty is set for a few days. The dogs are set for a few days. My husband has his milk and supplies for his men's retreat. I got a new book Dorothy Benton Frank's -Return to Sullivan's Island, a Style magazine -feeling girly, a box of Weight Watchers brownies that I planned to buy, and My cold-eeze zinc lozenges. I'm set for the weekend. cough ..... cough

The list
1. eye glass wipes
2. Cold-eeze zinc lozenges
3. Cat food / dog food (wet only)
4. color markers
5. paper clips
6. Plastic bowl
7. Plastic shoe box (3) for organizing in the fridge
8. Milk
9. Butter Spray
10 Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee
11. raisins
12. Pink lady apples
13. Celery
14. Weight Watchers Brownies
15. Skinny cow mini ice cream cup
16. 2 16 oz diet cokes
17 'trashy' magazine (Style or People)
18. Angel soft tissue (on sale $4)

Wanna sleep Wanna heal

I'm hard headed sometimes. Basic addict stuff--I wanna do, what I wanna do, when I wanna do it. Sound familiar? I sometimes like to 'play' by staying up late at night-surfing the Internet, blogging, reading, watching tv. Sometimes, not often, I even clean. This harkens back to the days when I worked night shift. I enjoyed that the world out there was quiet and peaceful, and I'm getting to do my thing. Though working night shift and sleeping well are contradictory terms.

I'm a big believer as a nurse and a believer in holistic healing that we heal when we sleep. Now why I wanted to stay up to midnight last night, I have no idea. This bronchitis is dragging on. I've not exercised since Saturday. I haven't left the house since Monday in order to not exacerbate this thing. This morning within a couple of hours of being awake I was dog tired, falling asleep at my desk while I worked. I got the ok from my boss to flex my time and took a nap. One minute I'm lying there and drifting off and suddenly the alarm clock is going off. I slept? Did I snore? Was I really asleep?

Yet, I felt renewed. I drank a big bottle of cold water and got to work. When my day was done, I told my husband I was going to lie down and take a nap before dinner. Famous last words, 90 minutes later I get up when I hear my dog yodeling in excitement that daddy is putting food in the bowls ..finally.

So I'm going to listen to this body. It wants to sleep..now. I'm going to bed right now. Sleep Rest Heal

So The Biggest Loser episode last night....hmmmmmm

**********spoiler alert---************photo: Daris on left, Koli on right.

if you don't want to know how The Biggest Loser turned out last night don't read this******



So last night, My husband, the gamer, started playing his new game "RED DEAD REDEMPTION" (pretty cool Western videogame) . For the last couple of weeks we've had to watch a few Clint Eastwood movies and The Quick and the Dead to get him in the mood. (I can watch Clint almost any day ) Ma, here, settled in bed with her tissues and Lemon mint Ricolas with the new Sookie Stackhouse book "Dead in the Family" by Charlaine Harris (read half of it in one go).

This means " The Biggest Loser" got recorded and I just finished watching it today. I haven't read any blogs about it, but I have to wonder at the reaction of other viewers. Here's mine. Hmph! Double Hmph! It really gave me a bad feeling, and I really don't know what to think afterward. If you don't watch it , this will not mean much to you. If you do , I would be interested to hear what you think.

Bottom line is that the final 4 went home for a period of time before doing the annual Biggest Loser Marathon and final weigh-in before the finale which is May 25.
The marathon is always inspiring and it was. But before that, they showed the contestants at home. One of the young men, Daris went home and started overeating again--basically he was bingeing and he even recognized it wasn't making him feel better yet he kept doing it. At the end of the show they had the final weigh-in which would determine the top 2 definite finale contestants and the bottom two. Last night Daris actually gained 2 pounds whereas everyone else lost double digits. He and Koli are in the bottom two of percentage of weight lost which means that America gets to vote on which one should be in the final 3 in the running for the grand prize / title of the Biggest Loser.

Different things came up. Daris made excuses, wasn't truly honest or maybe was in denial, said he was just focused on the marathon. Jillian called him out on this. Now they didn't show it, but I hope they really talked with him and helped him work through what was going wrong. What about his mom? Why didn't he reach out to Jillian or Bob or one of the other contestants on the phone? It was just ..icky...and very familiar to me personally about not reaching out for help.

It makes me question what tools or consistent emotional support these contestants are given while they are on the ranch. It is superfast weight loss in just 16 weeks while on the ranch and then I believe more months at home before the finale even though it is shown week to week. I'm sure the mind can't keep up with what the body is doing in that time period. I know I've had issues with body image ,and it's taken me a couple of years to lose 100 lbs. And the loose skin issues that so many of us blog about it. It takes time to process these emotions. For me, I felt self loathing at what I had done to myself when the loose skin sagging started. I felt like maybe I don't want to lose weight if this is the result. Now, I'm working on gaining acceptance everyday and understanding that I'm going to sag even more as this balloon deflates.

I've read that many of the contestants become focused on just winning and that they regain some if not all of the weight they worked so hard to lose. But I totally get how it would be tough for the contestants going home after 16 wks on the ranch. Just having cameras in my face would be driving me up the wall and making me want to comfort with food. Many of us in health / fitness blogland work through stuff everyday and some of us dip back in to old behaviors, use food, regroup, start over, again and again.

Please understand I'm not being hard on Daris or The Biggest Loser show. I think the Biggest Loser has been a great motivator and has changed the lives of so many people . The show has made exercising at over 300+ lbs acceptable and shown us it is doable. Another positive trickle down effect is new equipment and clothing for larger sized people. We all have to start somewhere and sometimes somewhere is over 500lbs. The show has definitely affected my life for the positive, even though I was completely turned off by even the name at the beginning.

It boils down to the end of the episode and how they have set up the finale. It seemed like it would have been better to have shown a little more about how Daris processed what really happened with him. During the last few moments both Koli and Daris made their pleas to America so we would vote for them on line / text or phone to be in the final 3. Koli talked about his growth, his motives, his self esteem, his goals. Daris cried and felt ashamed and seemed to ask for forgiveness and for America's vote despite his setback. It broke my heart and I just hope the producers let him work through that stuff and choose to make those statements.


I'll say it now that I would have voted for Koli no matter what had happened. I saw something in him that reminded me of me- how hurt and damaged he was from the beginning and how his self esteem grew during the show. (same for Daris too) When Koli went home, he kind of freaked at the distractions and realized he needed to isolate and focus . So he went to Vegas to an MMA school and focused on diet / training. That's what I would do. That's how I deal with stuff. Regroup, Focus, work through it. I went to the Nbc website and voted for Koli, because that is what I knew I would do if he were in the bottom two. I felt really jerked around by the producers of the show, and I think it diminishes both Koli and Daris to have presented such opposing pleas.

If I could make a recommendation to the show, it would be to tell us more about the methods for the emotional / mental transformation that is taking place with the contestants on the ranch. What are they doing for that part of this equation? They don't have to get too personal (not that weighing in wearing a sports bra isn't too personal). Just represent that side of things more. Yes, We see Bob and Jillian doing this very dramatically with the contestants, but what else is there ?. Is there counseling or therapy? Education about body image? Behavior training? 12 step? Guided group discussion?

I think back over the seasons of the show and I know the focus is exercise , health education, good eating choices, healthy cooking, working on what got you there and what you have to overcome, and sadly a lot of inside commercials for Yoplait,
Subway, and Glad bags. The show does represent the obstacles that each contestant overcomes, but this is life changing stuff. Literally, changing how you function day to day. Yes, it's the body and it's the mind and the spirit too. Ok, I'm rambling. It's just a tv show and it is edited for dramatic effect. But I think there are a lot of people out there who saw Daris flub up, but not what resources he had or planned to use to work through the problem or what is available to them.
I hope they show that next week.

When I started writing this post I was just irritated with the final scenes of the show, I felt bad for the contestants, and wondered what other viewers thought. Then it turned to being upset with the show . Then it turned to recognizing the good the show has done but where it has really missed the mark. Maybe I'm hoping too much for a tv show to change obesity in America, but it's made a dent so far. Why not make a chunk, Biggest Loser!?

DAY TO DAY WITH THE FOOD ADDICT

PJs: betty boop

Health wise right now ..I have issues. I wish I could say the bronchitis were better but it isn't. But I'm giving it my all to heal. I took a nap for my lunch break. I'm taking a nap after work, so I don't fall asleep at 8:30. I'm also trying not to beat up on myself too much for over exercising last week which apparently triggered this relapse. The Tummy issues are not exactly gone away, but I'm dealing with that too. I could , but don't feel I should call in sick , because the workload is heavy with a coworker out on disability now .

Anyway, the point is this. I'm in a good place with food right now. Maybe it's the weeks of all the GI problems I've had, not eating stuff that might hurt me, not binging, going to OA, not letting that little food addict have her way. But I do see things / behaviors popping up that I'm handling right on the spot. Meaning I'm handling the situation with good results, so thought I'd acknowledge and share.

Yesterday , though I knew I needed to rest since I'd worked when I shouldn't have, I had to run out to pick up the meals from my meal delivery system that get delivered to a store nearby on Monday. Kmart is next door. I needed a few things and I'd missed my Walmart shopping this weekend, so there I went. I needed tissue, juice, and "what is that..ooh..pretzels in a brand I don't recognize"....I'm a pretzel girl..trigger food ..and I'm a sucker for marketing. Anything old timey or homespun , I'm all in. Cool bag, cool brand and in a 3 serving size bag ..I don't even think about getting a full size bag of anything.

Plop in the buggy. Then I stopped and thought about it. What is that going to do for me? Carbs. Water retention. Craving more carbs. Has nothing to do with my abstinence. Has nothing to do with my goals. T-r-o-u-b-l-e. Plunk, out of the buggy and back on the shelf. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Now for today . Bronchitis is obviously worse. fun. I get bored working, so I go out and check the mail. Cop car next door..what else is new. Oh wait. My crazy neighbor lady moved out. Let's see... Dumpster, sheriffs cars, oh. They are emptying out the house of the woman next door who lost her house to the bank because she paid her mortgage payments to her dealer.
I felt bad. I felt sad. I thought about the other "new " crazy neighbor lady behind our house who screams and curses and snarls loudly on occasion. Reminds me of my mother in her "sick phase" of life when my response was to retreat and hide. scary. So, I obsessed on a few crackers. What can I snack on? What's for dinner? Could I have this instead? What's my snack today ? Then I took a sip of water and realized that my tummy is full from lunch still. I'm not at all hungry ..at all.
It is all about the feelings.

Progress.

Attack Kitteh!...who knew?

So the air conditioner repair guys came this morning...and we put our barking , protective 20 lb each Chihuahua -Peke mix pups behind closed doors to let the repair guys have a safe and quiet workspace. Just as I'm telling them this, and showing them to the attic door...our kitteh usually the 'super mellow yellow man'...jumps out in front of the guys and lets out a Roar / Yowl that can not be denied...
"THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY HUMANS-BEWARE!!!"

We all laughed. The kitty is still in hiding , but our house is cool.

I canna believe it.....

I'm thinking in a Scottish accent .....I dunno why. Maybe, It's cause I just finished a torrid Scottish highlander fairy time travel book that I snitched from the condo on vacation (I left a book in replacement). I'm also bloggin'/ watchin' the Sandra Bullock "The Proposal"...better than I thought. I want to live in that house in Alaska. Betty White as grandma.


I'm photo bloggin today too.

Let me catch up here--no great insights here just a journal catch up of my life.


Gym:...Visited the Fancy New Gym Friday and Saturday and my plan was to join it today so I can save $25 on the initiation fee. Nice, Far superior to my current gym in every aspect. Tv's in each cardio machine though I'm not really sure about that. That was new for me. I liked my reconnection with my love of music that I'd found while exercising at my current gym with an MP3 player.

On the first night, I watched most of "Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason " while slogging on the elliptical and recumbent bike and stair master. 1+ hour- I sweated. I don't sweat as much on the cardio equipment at the old gym unless I'm trying to jog a 5k. The point is this. I had already worked out that day at 7:30 am doing 12 minutes of sprints on an elliptical, 30 minute weight training session , 20 minute bike ride. I didn't plan to workout that much. I did an hour+ of cardio because the equipment was so nice to use AND I was watching Mr Darcy, and Bridget and Daniel Cleaver in Thailand. Score!






2nd day I planned to do "Bodyflow" which is a tai chi/ yoga / stretch combo, but I showed up early and did the last 15 minutes of Bodycombat...high energy, cardio, fun. Who was up there with the other instructors ...but my KICKBOXING instructor from my previous gym which just cancelled the kickboxing class. Woo hoo! Then the Bodyflow was right up my alley. I've practiced Tai chi, Pilates, and Yoga before and this was a combo of all for an hour in a candilt room. Intense. Sweating. I really liked it. I feel a connection to God when I do these things. Left the gym and noticed I had to keep clearing my throat.

To home..oh and our air conditioner is broken , being repaired on Monday . Within an hour, I was full on sick with Laryngitis, cough, sore throat. I'd had sinus headaches early in the week, felt great Thursday and Friday but had noted a sort of raspyness and need to clear my throat. So another sick Sunday, I'm feeling like crap, I don't get to do the Zumba class at the new gym that I'd planned to go to . (Little girl stomps her feet. )

OA--2nd OA meeting-Saturday mornings. A small group , so it's intimate and each person has time to share. I know the first meeting helped me through last week. I'd decided I'd commit to going to all the meetings in May and then decide about June later. It's about a 30 minute drive from home and I always made excuses that I wanted to stay home and drink coffee and blog and watch the Saturday morning news or Go instead to the sculpt class at the old gym. So new season of life here. I now know that my new Saturday routine can become OA, part of Bodycombat class, Body Flow class.

Another Sunday sick. I'm trying to do what I can so it doesn't turn in to bronchitis or pneumonia. Deep breathing, fluids, mucinex, coughing up the junk. But it's not going well. Hubby says I sound like Froggy . Don't get to do what I want to do today. Zumba..I was going to plant herbs today: more basil, chives, parsely, cilantro. I like snipping bits of these in to my salads during the summer. Won't get to join the gym today , but I will when I heal up. I was just blogging about how good it felt to get to exercise again. relapse. And I'm the healthy one in this family.
But I'm hopeful about the future and I think the new gym is going to escalate me out of my plateau for good.
Oh and I'm back in the 220's. 228.2 lbs today.

Spring Challenge Update

Ok I posted it and I got a comment, but then I screwed up, re-edit.
Here are the goals I'm working on.

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks do some kind of clean up or organizing around the house. This will help my self esteem and overall outlook on life and life itself. We are all different on this journey and I'm a procrastinator. I would rather exercise, read, or watch tv than clean.
2. Every day for the next 13 weeks eat a fruit or veggie as one of my snacks.
3. Listening to what my body needs and doing it.
4. Not eating ANYTHING after 9 pm.
5. Reduce artificial sweetener usage.
6. Check in every Saturday.
7. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself
8. Save up to buy myself a Reward at the end for making my goal


GOALS Update
#1-Clean up / Organization--best week yet, lot's done.

#2--my new fave snack is celery with a schmear of peanut butter and a few raisins. I think it's called 'ants on a log'.

#3 Doing better though probably exercising too much due to how much fun it is.

#4 hmmm. homestly off track here completely. still.

#5 same ol

#6 on time

#7 Pieces of me are falling back in to place.

8. Have a plan for something new and meaningul.

Fab Friday! feelin' groovy

Sadly, it takes not having what you really want or not getting to be who you really are to really be happy and peaceful and grateful when you get it back.

I'm talking about feeling good, no pain , being able to exercise, being hungry and eating and not wanting to eat till your stuffed and sedated.

Medical update: Ultrasound ok. I saw a Gastroenterologist and he thinks that most of my issues are gastritis and that I have superficial ulcers. My gastritis just happens to exhibit itself: not with heartburn but a lot of different, weird symptoms. So off a couple of meds, on one new med. I'm almost 100% better. Had a nasty bout with sinusitis which laid me low Sunday through Wednesday. I'm talking falling asleep at 9 pm, severe headaches...finally it's ovah.

Since I embarked on a healthier life of exercise, healthy diet, relaxation and introspection time, and feeling actual freakin feelings, I usually am not sick that much. Rarely at all unless I get off track and stop eating right or have a depression dip.

So when this happened, it shakes me up and I MISS my life. I realize what I'm missing. I realize how good I was feeling. And I want it back and I want to be truly grateful about it.

I have a coworker with recurrent stage 4 cancer, and I'm really thinking her prognosis is not that good. Without going in to any details about her I'll just say I really see my old self in her in many ways. She is close or greater than the weight I was at my highest. I see what could be happening to me if I didn't stay focused on getting healthy, losing weight, and becoming who I really want to be as far as emotional / spiritual self.

So today, I'm back exercising. I'm trying a new gym tonight and tomorrow. I'm going to OA tomorrow. I'm reshaping my idea of abstinence and it does not involve deprivation. There can be chocolate everyday if I want it. My weight is down to 232and that is before I resumed exercise yesterday. Now I gotta work.
Happy Friday

Looking forward to.........

Hey,
I'm looking forward to feeling good and getting back to exercising.
I'm looking forward to riding my bike, walking my dogs, sitting in the sun.
I'm looking forward to reading lots of books. I have stacks!
I'm looking forward to seeing the new Robin Hood movie and Sex in the City2( even though I'm not crazy about the setting and the clothes are over the top).
Also looking forward to: 5 o'clock everyday, Saturday every week, bed time everynight, first sip of first cup of coffee of the day.

What are you looking forward to?

Week 6 and 7 Spring Challenge Update

Better late than never. One day at a Time. Progress not Perfection. I'm full of quips today.
I'll resist the familiar temptation to beat up on myself and just post it here.

Here are the goals I'm working on.

1. Every day for the next 13 weeks do some kind of clean up or organizing around the house. This will help my self esteem and overall outlook on life and life itself. We are all different on this journey and I'm a procrastinator. I would rather exercise, read, or watch tv than clean.
2. Every day for the next 13 weeks eat a fruit or veggie as one of my snacks.
3. Listening to what my body needs and doing it.
4. Not eating ANYTHING after 9 pm.
5. Reduce artificial sweetener usage.
6. Check in every Saturday.
7. Tell one thing each week that I like about myself
8. Save up to buy myself a Reward at the end for making my goal


GOALS Update
#1-Clean up / Organization--week 6 was the week I was really having tummy issues. going to doctor. etc. Week 7 was my vacation and my return from vacation. Lots of cleaning got done due to the dog sitter coming, but I lost track of tracking.

#2 This is a no to a 100% result for both weeks but did it some of the time. there were times when any kind of fruit made me hurt.

#3 Yes, nothing like getting ill to make you face your limitations and face that you really want to go exercise but it is not the best idea for you. Also, when feeling great and full of energy to get out there and walk or ride your bike. Lots of sleeping.

#4 hmmm. homestly off track here completely.

#5 Overall, it has been reduced because coffee consumption has been reduced. so a win here.

#6 better late...

#7 week 6--sick week and didn't exercise much. I like in myself that I like exercise and missed it.
week 7-vacation and return from vacation-I like that I'm ok with spending time alone, doing what I want to do when I want to do it..walking on the beach, walking to the coffeeshop / internet cafe on vacation alone to have breakfast / drink coffee / and post on my blog and then meandering through the shops ...alone.

8. I keep forgetting this part. will put something in that money jar.

April into May "I'ma be me"

Every new month it seems I look back at the previous month to see if I've made progress. I sometimes measure my inches, or I compare my weight. I read over passages in my blog or my handwritten journal to see where I've been , where I am, and where I seem to be going. I can tell that May is bringing in a new season for me. A time of change whether I like it or not. How I accept and work through this change will be the shaping of my life and direct the progress in my journey.

I don't quote the Bible much, and I don't read it much. It is like a foreign language to me. I require a gentle and careful interpreter to really get it and not see it all in a negative light. Fortunately, My husband knows it well and mentions this passage occasionally. So as the last few days have transpired, I've thought about these words and their meaning. If you don't believe in God or the Bible , it's ok and please read on. I think anyone could find simplicity and some truth in these words.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

APRIL was a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows for me.

I finally broke the months long barrier on the scale of 234 and saw 230 and then finally 228....for a morning only and then back up the scale in to the 230's again.
Today, on May 8 I am at 235, and considering I just went on vacation ..that's ok....and surprising. I usually gain a good 10-15 lbs on vacation. My body seems to like 234-235. Been here a while, and I'm tired of fighting it. "the path of least resistance"

With April, I had many aches and pains and "tummy issues" and with May ..still. I've seen a doctor, I've had somes test, and I feel there may be some kind of result that needs attention. If this test didn't show it then another might. I might have to go to a specialist. It might just be this or it might be that. I know too much about all the possibilities and I always think the worst. So there's a little fear involved here. Usually , I'm wrong. Practicing letting go and turning over. I'm adjusting my diet as each day progresses. I'm having to listen to my body . Sometimes I can't tolerate spicy food or tomatoes or meat or fruit or veg or a second cup of coffee or the cold diet coke and peanuts that I really ,really want. Ultimately, that is what I want with my food journey ; to listen to my body and feed it and my soul, accordingly. I just don't want to have to be sick to really learn this lesson.

Goals were met, things were accomplished in April. A 3K walk done..it's not that far really, but it was the going and doing it in such an eventful way that was the bigger challenge. New clothes in new sizes were bought and old clothes given away.

There were some lows, some food obsessing, some mini binges, a lot of depression. There was also a lot of climbing up out of that low, low and changing what needed to change. A lot of self discipline. Asking for help. Accepting help. Talking or writing what I didn't want to say. It's not that this all hasn't happened before, but it felt distinctly raw this April.

May brought a shift , a season change for me--it came in with vacation, a wedding anniversary, the usual ups and downs, and with joy. Tummy issues ..still. I knew there were big changes happening when I heard about the gym that I go to having new management. There is new equipment, new classes, and my beloved Kickboxing class / instructor are done at the gym. That was a kick to the gut. There goes my self esteem builder, the most fun I had every week, and the stress reliever I craved and needed. I've talked to my instructor and have avenues to follow. I was already planning to try another gym anyway. So will see how this progresses. I've not been exercising as much for the last 2 weeks due to illness. On vacation, I felt better most of the time and I got lots of walks and biking in. I was surprised that my weight has stayed fairly stable without the 6 to 8 hours a week that I was putting in at the gym. So as I finish my sessions with my trainer of the last year and a half, I've got to redesign a new workout plan and schedule for myself when I can do it.

I started the day with a prayer in my chair under the oak tree and then went today to my first OA meeting in many years. Traffic, I was late . Hate that. I spoke about where I've been and where I am. And a little on where I think I want to go . With kickboxing done for now, It opens up time slots to go to OA meetings closer to home. I felt a warm welcome. I struggle with black and white and I also struggle with gray. I'm not sure if I can fit with OA. I'm not sure if the resistance is that food addict self or my higher self. But it can't hurt. I'm willing to try. It's part of the turning over.

May also has brought me reaching out to old friends and also getting a warm reception from them. Somehow along the way of getting married I turned in towards my husband and myself , but that got me 100 lbs heavier and now with much work over 100 lbs lighter again. In essence, I'm opening up in May to more people and more life. And blogging here to continue. I sometimes can't take that bite when I think of this person's or that's words that I've read in these blogs. It really helps in many ways.

So here we are. I have leaves to rake, plants to plant, a vintage lawn chair to clean and maybe scrub down to the original turquoise green paint. And if I don't feel so good later, I can take a nap or watch a movie. I've got my new bike Flo that I need to tell you more about and she wants me to ride her..like now. And not to mention my dog Angel that wants to lay out in the sun. There's a comic that has a saying that resonates with me today..." I'ma be me "

Ramblin' Rose

Just checking back in. Thanks for all your support. Hopefully , all the pictures did't slow you down. this is my first own digital camera and I'm really enjoying using it.

I had the ultrasound Thursday ,but the results won't get back to my doc until probably Monday. Even though I'm a nurse, I can't make heads or tails of ultrasounds. Xrays and Mri's are more my thing. I don't ask the tech performing it how things look because I know it can be sticky when you are looking at someones results and don't want to be truthful. So I just don't go there for their sake. Then I second guess myself over and over....I'm having issues still but not as bad as before..Waitin and seein. I have a gastroenterologist picked out to try if I need one.

Blog and plan wise--weekend
It occurs to me I need to check in for April, plan for May, check in on Spring challenge for a couple of weeks now. Argh. Some time this weekend. I just want to go buy flowers and add some of the yard art I bought for my "Magic oak tree" sitting area I have. Will post photos / post about it when I get it spruced up.

Returning to my life...I've restarted my eating plan. I returned to the gym today (before my belly started aching again) on my 2 of the last of 4 trainer sessions then I'm free. I haven't been to the gym since 2 wks ago though I rode bikes, walked, climbed steps on vacation. The management of my gym changed while I was sick/ on vacation which is great..the former management didn't exercise, smoked, and ate fast food at the desk...we have some new equipment. I'm still thinking of joining a new gym though ..And ..gulp!....My kickboxing teacher has stopped teaching there! aweeee...I'm going to go see him at his MMA studio this weekend, since I missed his last class due to illness . Maybe I'll go to his studio? hmmm
His class / his teaching style built my self esteem, my endurance, my fun quotient.

Dreams..i'm a lucid dreamer..very vivid and I conciously sometimes observe the dreams which means I , myself, kind of think and comment to myself while I'm dreaming. I keep dreaming about one of my old best friends, first love, great chemistry, though he is really gay. I miss the friendship and I talked to my husband he had no problem with it,so I reached out via email to my old friend and we had a nice email exchange. That was good fruit from the dreams. And last night I dreamed Ruby was doing a sort of Survivor type show in Russia..Debbie?..and I was helping her get through challenges and then had to act on her behalf as her attorney, because the show producers were not truthfully telling her about her family. And we were all following weight watchers and the point system in the dream and could mostly only find green apples and cheese to eat. hmmmmm....wacky

Juke Joints, Sunsets, Rainbows

Random final vacation photos....then back to regularly scheduled programming

Dream Time--Word sling..vacation ovah :(

Can't quite come up with the words. So I'll just sling some out with photos. More to come tomorrow.

Fun
Bike riding. Youthafying. Lighthouse-climbing. 178 steps. Wind. Laughing. No FEAR.








Beach dreamy. strange. Conversations with God.






Weird and wonderful flower pot bread..and a frozen beverage.


Glad to be back. Not glad to be back. Treats, daily....at least.
Time to wean down the calorie range in to a healthier zone. I don't actually feel that bad about it either. Fun in Savannah with Fish and chips and a Shandy (Harp ale and sprite) and sticky toffee pudding at a Scottish pub. There are photos of me looking tipsy that I will not post.
http://www.macphersonspub.com/Main/Home.aspx

Low
Cell phone lost. Cell phone bought. Rental truck-scratched paint down to the metal? bike handlebar? argh.. dark cloud until we hear from the estimate..
Nearly sprained ankle twice. Tummy great until today. Abdominal ultrasound tomorrow.

High
Lighthouse. Vacation condo...first visit not last. Jasmine Covered SECRET GARDEN. Walked on to the patio ..... breathe it in ....intoxicating







More to come.

Savannah and Tybee Island Vacation ...so far!