Leslie at Something Brilliant is Brewing tagged me to answer 4 questions and pay it forward. First of all, I really like Leslie's blog--she's also a nurse and a Madmen Freak like me and not to mention we have other addictive qualities in common and a desire for recovery. Nuff said.
I've been thinking and thinking about it, and I'm ready to answer my 4 . Then I'll pay it forward to 4 new bloggers with 4 new questions.
1. Who has had the most influence in your life? In what way has the person (or people) influenced you?
No question my mother had and still has the most influence on me. Now, this isn't a response where I talk about how she was the most fantastic, loving, supportive, inspiring mother of all times. She wasn't and she wasn't the worst either. I loved her tremendously and have so many great memories of her. I miss her terribly since she passed a few years ago. But it was kinda rough some of the time.
I think of my mother as having had different phases of her life and her abilities as a mother. The early years when she was unstable and in and out of psych wards when there was lots of screaming and arguing and sheer crazy behavior. That was when my little food addict self was created to give me a sense of control and comfort and security. The middle phase after my father died when it was just me and mama. Much less screaming, more getting to know you and bonding time. These were the Jr high / high school years and I had more responsibility and freedom than most teenagers experience . I sometimes took the role of caregiver / chauffeur (she couldn't drive)
and support system. I can look back now and see this as a negative because I missed out on a normal teenage experience and didn't have a mother who could fully 'raise'
me. The positive here is that this forced me to develop an independent nature, to problem solve and to think critically. It gave me the experience of overcoming fears and barriers. I was driving all over the South at age 15-16 to take her to doctor's appointment when many teens are just getting a license.
The college / immediately after college years were when I had a taste of freedom from duty and responsibility and was able to be more like any other 19 year old. (But a 19 year old with little self esteem and a big ol eating disorder.)
I moved to a nearby state upon graduation and we talked on the phone / visited occasionally. This time period seemed to force her to develop some independence , seek out more support on her own, and to have someone else drive her to medical appointments. I started to get therapy for my eating disorder and depression . I was close to 290 lbs by this time.
In our final phase together she was just a supportive , loving mother but she had taken charge of her life and surpassed her family's and her own expectations. We enjoyed spending time together and talked about everything and laughed and cried and
had fun. I was so proud of her accomplishments. She stopped smoking after 30 years. She sold her home, bought and moved to another home. When she couldn't manage that
home, she recognised it and downsized herself in to an affordable apartment.
From my mother I learned to love horses, books, knowledge, the 1950's, nature, music, movies and tv. We loved exploring genealogy, old houses, history, and New Orleans. I can tell you anything you need to know about Nicholas and Alexandra Romanov or Elizabeth Taylor or The Vanderbilt family or the Kennedys. We discussed all of it like it was our own family. Breakfast was her (and now my ) favorite meal. I didn't learn how to cook like her , which is a good thing. I can still taste her country steak with gravy which hasn't been replicated anywhere. So the influences are varied-some good, some bad. I miss her.
2. What is your favorite quality about yourself? Similarly, what characteristic would you like to change, lose or modify? Favorite quality: I'm super compassionate with old people and animals. If I could modify a quality it would be to have a stronger sense of self -more self confidence / higher self esteem.
3. When was the last time you cried? Around Thanksgiving my sister's black lab went missing. That was a very sweet dog and I had made a buddy there. So far he hasn't been found or come back. I also nearly teared up tonight sitting at a red light hearing Bing Crosby's version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and thinking about that dog.
4. What was your very best vacation ever and why? 10th wedding anniversary Alaskan Cruise in May 2008 which means snow, cold, float planes, icebergs, brrrr, room service.
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Paying it Forward: oh it's bedtime..I'm gonna have to work on that part this weekend.
Though I never met her or even heard about her until just now, your truthful words oddly made me miss your mom... and mine too. My mom's still alive, but mostly "not there," certainly no longer able to be a mother to any of us. The roles are totally reversed, showing us how difficult it is to be somebody's mother.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and one I can learn a lot from. I, too, was tagged by Leslie and have struggled with putting my thoughts to web. You've done it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteI sooo want to take an Alaskan cruise someday! So... I lost most of my Madmen recordings when our Tivo died this year, and didn't miss it. Seemed to me the season was very dark. Did it get better?
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