Working on being healthy in body , mind , spirit..135 lbs lost, then Maintained for a few years, and lately some regained. Working on it -in and out of Pjs
Saturday, May 8, 2010
April into May "I'ma be me"
Every new month it seems I look back at the previous month to see if I've made progress. I sometimes measure my inches, or I compare my weight. I read over passages in my blog or my handwritten journal to see where I've been , where I am, and where I seem to be going. I can tell that May is bringing in a new season for me. A time of change whether I like it or not. How I accept and work through this change will be the shaping of my life and direct the progress in my journey.
I don't quote the Bible much, and I don't read it much. It is like a foreign language to me. I require a gentle and careful interpreter to really get it and not see it all in a negative light. Fortunately, My husband knows it well and mentions this passage occasionally. So as the last few days have transpired, I've thought about these words and their meaning. If you don't believe in God or the Bible , it's ok and please read on. I think anyone could find simplicity and some truth in these words.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 A Time for Everything 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
APRIL was a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows for me.
I finally broke the months long barrier on the scale of 234 and saw 230 and then finally 228....for a morning only and then back up the scale in to the 230's again. Today, on May 8 I am at 235, and considering I just went on vacation ..that's ok....and surprising. I usually gain a good 10-15 lbs on vacation. My body seems to like 234-235. Been here a while, and I'm tired of fighting it. "the path of least resistance"
With April, I had many aches and pains and "tummy issues" and with May ..still. I've seen a doctor, I've had somes test, and I feel there may be some kind of result that needs attention. If this test didn't show it then another might. I might have to go to a specialist. It might just be this or it might be that. I know too much about all the possibilities and I always think the worst. So there's a little fear involved here. Usually , I'm wrong. Practicing letting go and turning over. I'm adjusting my diet as each day progresses. I'm having to listen to my body . Sometimes I can't tolerate spicy food or tomatoes or meat or fruit or veg or a second cup of coffee or the cold diet coke and peanuts that I really ,really want. Ultimately, that is what I want with my food journey ; to listen to my body and feed it and my soul, accordingly. I just don't want to have to be sick to really learn this lesson.
Goals were met, things were accomplished in April. A 3K walk done..it's not that far really, but it was the going and doing it in such an eventful way that was the bigger challenge. New clothes in new sizes were bought and old clothes given away.
There were some lows, some food obsessing, some mini binges, a lot of depression. There was also a lot of climbing up out of that low, low and changing what needed to change. A lot of self discipline. Asking for help. Accepting help. Talking or writing what I didn't want to say. It's not that this all hasn't happened before, but it felt distinctly raw this April.
May brought a shift , a season change for me--it came in with vacation, a wedding anniversary, the usual ups and downs, and with joy. Tummy issues ..still. I knew there were big changes happening when I heard about the gym that I go to having new management. There is new equipment, new classes, and my beloved Kickboxing class / instructor are done at the gym. That was a kick to the gut. There goes my self esteem builder, the most fun I had every week, and the stress reliever I craved and needed. I've talked to my instructor and have avenues to follow. I was already planning to try another gym anyway. So will see how this progresses. I've not been exercising as much for the last 2 weeks due to illness. On vacation, I felt better most of the time and I got lots of walks and biking in. I was surprised that my weight has stayed fairly stable without the 6 to 8 hours a week that I was putting in at the gym. So as I finish my sessions with my trainer of the last year and a half, I've got to redesign a new workout plan and schedule for myself when I can do it.
I started the day with a prayer in my chair under the oak tree and then went today to my first OA meeting in many years. Traffic, I was late . Hate that. I spoke about where I've been and where I am. And a little on where I think I want to go . With kickboxing done for now, It opens up time slots to go to OA meetings closer to home. I felt a warm welcome. I struggle with black and white and I also struggle with gray. I'm not sure if I can fit with OA. I'm not sure if the resistance is that food addict self or my higher self. But it can't hurt. I'm willing to try. It's part of the turning over.
May also has brought me reaching out to old friends and also getting a warm reception from them. Somehow along the way of getting married I turned in towards my husband and myself , but that got me 100 lbs heavier and now with much work over 100 lbs lighter again. In essence, I'm opening up in May to more people and more life. And blogging here to continue. I sometimes can't take that bite when I think of this person's or that's words that I've read in these blogs. It really helps in many ways.
So here we are. I have leaves to rake, plants to plant, a vintage lawn chair to clean and maybe scrub down to the original turquoise green paint. And if I don't feel so good later, I can take a nap or watch a movie. I've got my new bike Flo that I need to tell you more about and she wants me to ride her..like now. And not to mention my dog Angel that wants to lay out in the sun. There's a comic that has a saying that resonates with me today..." I'ma be me "
I'm a Geek for many things: Food, Pajamas, Coffee, Chocolate, Movies, Books, getting and being fit and healthy, 80's music, and the list goes on and on .....A nurse, a diabetic, I've lost over 130 lbs and have more to go . And I actually enjoy working out.
I chose the names of Ms. PJ Geek and PJ and Pounds because I have happy memories of childhood, coming in dirty and sweaty from playing in the yard. Then taking a bath, putting on a fresh nightgown and feeling all new again . I felt like a princess. Fresh renewal. .........
All names and situations will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, and so I can keep my job. While I am a nurse, I do not intend this to be a blog with specific directions or guidelines for healthcare. And.....though I have a college degree, that was a long time ago ya'll, and I don't remember proper punctuation or grammar.