Working on being healthy in body , mind , spirit..135 lbs lost, then Maintained for a few years, and lately some regained. Working on it -in and out of Pjs
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I am in a food RED ALERT! Meaning, I want it. I'm thinking about it. If I go to a store I could be in danger of buying things I would regret. I obsessed over it today. I did eat more calories than usual today and I also physically felt out of energy. It was my heavy workout day ..7:30am half hour wt training, mid day dog walk, Kickboxing in the evening. I had eaten all of my snack calories by mid day. I tried to think..'hmmm If I'm working out heavy should I eat more calories on these days?' I'm not sure if that's the 'food addict' talking or the 'official dieter' self talking. Sounds like rationalization. I also, while at the gym tonight , got a second wind and did an extra 40 minutes on the recumbant bike (to counter act the extra calories).
I know I'm probably trying to cover something up..not feel something. Well there's plenty of that going on . I didn't really feel like working. I was over it. But I felt like I could sleep if I could just lay down. Feelings? Kind of depressed. Kind of numb.
I really wanted coffee and a bakery item. I wasn't really hungry. But I felt I needed to perk up. I did all kinds of things to avert disaster. I journaled, I checked my blood sugar, I sat in the sun, I held my dog, I journaled some more, I finally gave in . I made a cup of coffee. I thought 'maybe I need sugar, so I ate 3 mini rice cakes. That didn't do it. I ate about 1/2 oz of dark chocolate while I drank my coffee.
the bad thing is I really felt better, more perky, more energetic and was able to finish that last bit of work. I went back outside and picked up my 12 step meditation books. I prayed . I feel like I got back on track for the most part but not 100%.
So, I'm aware I'm on red alert. This happens after I go to the grocery store and see all the food options. I want to come home and eat all of it. I want to eat substitutions of foods to take the place of the higher calorie versions.
But I don't always act on what I want. I haven't tonight. I had my fruit snack -raspberries, vanilla yogurt, and a sprink of Bobs Red Mill 12 grain Muesli. Do I still want a Vitamuffin and a cup of International French Vanilla coffee? I'm not hungry and it's not part of my even extended calorie budget.But yes. I want it. But putting this post in is helping me avoid that.
I'm a Geek for many things: Food, Pajamas, Coffee, Chocolate, Movies, Books, getting and being fit and healthy, 80's music, and the list goes on and on .....A nurse, a diabetic, I've lost over 130 lbs and have more to go . And I actually enjoy working out.
I chose the names of Ms. PJ Geek and PJ and Pounds because I have happy memories of childhood, coming in dirty and sweaty from playing in the yard. Then taking a bath, putting on a fresh nightgown and feeling all new again . I felt like a princess. Fresh renewal. .........
All names and situations will be changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, and so I can keep my job. While I am a nurse, I do not intend this to be a blog with specific directions or guidelines for healthcare. And.....though I have a college degree, that was a long time ago ya'll, and I don't remember proper punctuation or grammar.