Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Feelin Feelings Feeling

I truly enjoy my time off during weekends, but they do present challenges. Do I have the energy to exercise? Desire to do anything? Go anywhere? Eat the right stuff in the right amounts? Not overindulge those parts of me that wan't to overindulge-food, sleep, laziness, tv. A little is fine, too much is another thing

This was a weekend full of feelings, and it becomes overwhelming when you are an emotion- reactive eater trying not to eat as a response to emotions or to numb out which you've done since you were 5. I take liberty with my ideas of feelings here.

Friday we touched on a few subjects while driving to a destination that brought up...stuff. There are certain topics that I don't seem to say the right things to my husband. Maybe I don't agree with his viewpoint or maybe I'm trying to rally him or help him look at the positives. That just strikes him the wrong way.

Feelings: anger, exasperation, sadness, fear, frustration.

We worked through it but right in time to go to dinner. The gauntlet for me-Cracker Barrel. This restaurant reminds me of my childhood and my grandmothers and plenty of lovely dining experiences with friends and family. I can make good choices and I mostly did, but at the expense of parts of me that have to battle with each other. My favorite dessert there is still like 1000+ calories if shared. I got the fried apples instead. I think I saw a former coworker that hated me. We never made eye contact, but it was weird. Lots of memories came up.

Feelings: excitement, self-judgement, worry, curiosity. But also a sense of fun and pride and calm.

Saturday brought on bad and restless feelings. it was raining and I just didn't want to get up and go to Yoga. I took a nap. I took a walk. While I try to avoid this particular neighbor's grass, my dog is obsessed with the smells there. She pooped on the street corner (on their grass) and I picked it up as I always do. We round the last corner of their house and the tween daughter of this household comes out to tell me they've notice me letting our dog 'go' in their grass and they want it to stop. they pay a lot of money to have that grass. 'It's sod!" !!

Feelings-embarrassment, guilt, anger, anger, revenge, embarrassment, anger. restless, on edge.

(Here we do get in to some eating of chips (single serving bag) and doritoes with an extra piece of cheese. Also, I indulged in 'shopping' at the new farmer's market in our area. I didn't give in to the worst options but it was obsessive looking at all of their stuff. I ate 1/2 of a Lara bar compulsively then tossed it)

Feelings: relief, guilt, frustration, numbed a little bit

Sunday-not so bad. I was worn out emotionally. I still didn't want to go to Yoga. what's that about? I cooked dinner and watched True blood which was kind of hilarious.

Feelings: shame at skipping yoga, happiness at cooking a meal for my husband that he loves--a rare thing. Hilarity at watching some of the one liners in True Blood.


After that weekend, all you can do is write about it. think about it. Plan alternate walking routes if I can drag my dog away from that house. Plan that my next trip to Cracker barrel will probably be in Fall or Winter...nothing sooner. And know that in the past ALL I did was obsessively think of food, shop for food, eat food to numb these feelings.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Checkin In -Miranda Lambert Style

*photo from Al.com

Last weekend, I visited my sister in Alabama and we went to the Miranda Lambert concert. This is how she looked in Tuscaloosa on Friday night. It was an outdoor amphitheater with a beautiful sunset and a coolish night. An awesome first 'country concert', but I have to admit her cover of a ZZ top song was what really got me moving. Coldplay was my last concert and before that maybe The Go Go's or Duran Duran. I'm more of an Alt Nation / Old Wave/ Arena Rock girl, but I've really taken to country in the last two years. What good story tellers. Well, I must have liked it because I tried to win tickets for Miranda when she comes to Atlanta in October. I managed to get through two times but I was not the 10th caller. Tomorrow, is yet another day.

Going 'home' always challenges my food planned. I planned and ate what I expected 2 out of the 4 days. There were a few indulgences, but some good choices too. I'm fully back on track. Food wise, the highlight was sharing my lunch with a wild green-eyed black cat at a rest stop. I had plans for walks, but it was dang hot and humid ya'll. I was so tired I fell asleep at Panera over my chicken orzo soup so I HAD to down some coffee at Barnes and Nobles to wake myself up.

Frustrated over: After de-cluttering and cleaning the house we can't find several things. I'm personally frustrated about the missing Tylenol bottle and my Mp3 player.

Listening to: Well, not the Mp3 player. I had come up with some tracks I wanted to download to spice up my workouts (ZZ top, Miranda, Kongos--awesome south African band, Foster the People, Carney). bummer man.

Watching : Penney Dreadful on demand on Showtime. Re-watching it--kinda R + rated.

Reading : a book about the women and history of Cumberland Island and another book called 'The Long Road Home' by Mary Alice Monroe.

Exercising: walks in the morning, bike and heavy weights at the gym tonight. Yoga this weekend.

Afraid of: those big black Southern roaches that keep popping up in the house. eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dreaming of: my usual dreams of having trouble locking doors and finding money in hand me down clothes. Oh, that's what I dreamed.

I'm dreaming of a beach vacation in the quirky little island town where we were married. Tybee Island, Georgia

Amd, I'm thinking of tomorrows coffee.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

it's all good

House appraisal back and the news is good, better than expected. It came back higher than what we originally paid. 2 years ago it was worth half that much. While mainly this just means the refinance will go through with no mortgage insurance, the best part is we are dropping our interest rate by half and not adding any additional time. It makes us feel better that we are no longer upside down. Now, putting more money in to it for repairs/ upgrades doesn't seem so scary. And ... I LOVE HAVING A CLEAN HOUSE.

Food this week has just not been an issue just enjoying it --strawberries and peaches. After being sore all weekend after the cleanapalooza and just napping on Sunday and working on Monday, I was full of energy on Tuesday. I walked, I did a weight training class, I did about 20 minutes of high intensity intervals on the upright bike. I could have danced zumba through the weight training class. This is NOT how it normally is. I feel unburdened and energetic. More proof that rest periods are really good for recharging the batteries.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Check In July 6 post cleanapalooza

'wild horses'
photos are from our 2013 trip to Cumberland Island Georgia


House appraisal done!...and The Cleaning Frenzy (binge) is ovah! We spent our Independence Day cleaning the house, the garage, the carpets, walls etc and making things look as 'spacious' and de-cluttered as possible. Cleaner and bigger house = better house appraisal. Well, mebbe?

The house appraisal guy came an hour early (I think they do that on purpose) and when he left it seemed anti-climactic. I had suffered through two asthma like attacks in response to the dust / cleaning products and really should have gone to an urgent clinic. I needed an inhaler (I've had situational asthma from bronchitis and exercise a couple of times). I found an old inhaler during my cleanup and considered using it except it expired in 2005. Yikes! Even I wouldn't dare that . I truly over used my body in the time and energy spent getting this house ready . Very sore and fatigued. I bought dusk masks and only used them part of the time. If you count heavy cleaning as calories burned then I was in the thousands daily . I know Friday I drank a couple of liters of water and a diet coke and sweated out probably equal amounts.

Body Remedy: taking lots of naps, lots of baths, and drinking lots of water. I really feel pretty bad.

But , my house looks and probably is cleaner and better organized than it has since we moved in . Now, I just have to find everything that I just started stashing in drawers and under cabinets in that last hour of frenzy.

Lesson learned: must- clean- all- year -long - in little spurts. No big binges.

What I'm Reading: Pallindrome by Stuart Woods. I'm so glad I finished that Outlander book, but then I read the excerpt from the next book which sounds good too. Maybe later. Pallindrome takes place on Cumberland Island, Georgia where my husband I have visited twice. It is a wild, natural and mysterious place that you have to take a ferry to which only runs 2 to 3 x a day. Once, there you are on foot or bike and it's is a maritime forest (read jungle). No stores, no shops, just nature and a few gigantic mansions built during the gilded age. Lots of history. We will probably go back again because we have yet to explore certain parts of the island or even the beach.






This weekend--No lake trip after all, The father in law waved us off. Therefore, calorie budget intact.

Simple joys-I set up our patio table with tablecloth, flowers, and citronella candles and have enjoyed reading in the morning and evening until the mosquitos over power the citronella candle.

For dinner a beef veggie stew on rice, salad, strawberries and frozen yogurt.

Overall, a productive time in my life and I'm more grateful for the littlest things.

Most fun aspect of the whole thing: we put out furniture and old bikes and odds and ends on the side of the street with a "
Free-take it all !" sign . And they did.

I've rambled all over the place -guess I'm not rested and hydrated up enough yet.











Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Magic Man



"He's a magic man, mama"


......That song by Heart (Ann and Nancy Wilson) has gone through my head many times as I've used the magic eraser while cleaning and spiffing up my house for the refinance appraisal. I wish I could say we were done, but there is more to do.

My hope is that the neatness and good things about the house will outweigh the other things like the outside wear on the house , little spots of siding that have withered away or the carpet from hell (that survived through 3 ill pets and will be replaced this year probably).


Food wise, my only issues are choosing snacks that satisfy me and don't bust my calorie budget. Less or better carbs. July 4th may present an issue, but only on Sunday when we go to the lake to visit my father in law. Knowing my issues and preparing and really desiring to get through the weekend with calorie intake goals intact will be my battle wear.

Exercise-It is so damn hot! Hot and Humid here in the Atlanta area. I'm up walking at 7 am and it's still hot and muggy. The high today is to be 97. Yesterday with the ac on, ceiling fan on, my dog and I were panting. Today --I'm breaking out a table top fan. I did a lot of intense cleaning over the weekend, but not as intense this week because of work. Time to go to the gym.

I know I am very privileged and blessed. I am working on remembering that for many reasons.

stay cool, drink water, eat fresh berries.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Checking In Saturday 6/28



Vintage coke sign from my home town in Alabama. I love small towns.


I think I took this picture, but I may have copied it from somewhere else (though I have taken a picture of it that is exactly the same.)



Plan for the day- 1. To Walmart to buy a new mop or maybe a Swiffer wet pad product to go on some of the various Swiffer cleaning pole things that I have but have no wipes for. I've got to research how to clean pergo. 2. Clean , organize, throw away, clean some more. Allegra in on board. I delayed paying for the house appraisal to get some more cleaning done. 3. Make drop off at Goodwill and recycle place

Seeing: kitchen counter clean, lots of laundry clean, lots of mess still to be dealt with

Pondering: How do other people keep their houses clean? How much does it cost to hire a maid? Where do I store all of this clean laundry? I wish I could go to Ikea but I gotta clean.

Dreaming: I dreamed about the actor Michael Sheen last night. That was good dream and I was a ballerina?!. He's an actor from movies "The Queen", the Twilight movies, "Masters of Sex" on Showtime. I must have seen a preview for the new season.



Smelling: Mimosa from one street over. Tide. Lemon Pledge.

Pjs--purple gown

Breakfast--Cinnamon Whole grain toast , boiled egg, turkey bacon , orange slices, coffee

Reading--Outlander by Diana Gabaldon-- $ 4.99 for my Kindle.

World War II nurse accidentally travels back to 18th century Scotland and falls in love. I skim through the love/sex stuff.
As a nurse myself with an interest in healing with herbs and natural remedies, this is a must read. But good grief, it's long. A first in a series of books. I'm ready to move on to a new topic though. This is to be a tv series later this summer.


Last movie seen--on Starz-"Austenland" ..the premise is cute , men -cute, I bet the book is better

What I'm loving--Publix grocery store. They had Dunkin Donuts coffee on sale for $5.99 last week (usually $8 to $9 per bag). I bought 6 bags. Popcorn mini 100 cal bags -bogo.

Regrets- time lost to depression before seeing a psychiatrist who added a mood stabilizer to my med regime which has lifted my deeper depression days and helped me become more productive

What I feel good about---I bought new tires for the car. I changed my work passwords before they expired. I worked up a sweat again last night then had a nice coconut scented shower. Repeat today. I'm taking care of things in my life that I had let slide for too long.

Happy Saturday ya'll

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Taking the day off from work to work harder than ever at home

I took the day off , just to have a day off from work. But I have a lot to do and a lot I want to do -totally different.
I opted for what I needed to do.

When you procrastinate like I do , things seem to suddenly reach a critical mass.

We are in the refinancing process and it's wreaked havoc on my office , my filing system , and allergies.

We are also cleaning up and organizing and de-cluttering to make the house appear less hoarders-ish for the appraisal. I got pretty overwhelmed with my 'to do' list , so I changed my scheduled therapy session to a Skype session versus me driving to see her. (savings 2 hours).

I had banking chores--- get a notary public for a form, deposit about 15 checks from my HSA account(they will not direct deposit) ...I actually had a 1 cent check!!

To UPS - to fax some forms and set up a special delivery . I found out they will shred big volumes for $1 per pound....hmmm.
To Kauffman Tire store -to order tires and set up appointment to have them put on .
I Filled up the gas tank, Swung by Dunkin Donuts for iced French Vanilla coffee.

On to the house where I had a snack of a 100 calorie bag kettle corn and some iced coffee. (the kettle corn I bought at the farmer's market was in whole other stratosphere as far as taste and texture...and calories.) But it was a buy one get one free Orville R. popcorn deal plus I had a $1 off coupon. Couldn't pass it up. My dietician thinks the 100 cal popcorn bags are a good choice for us carb eaters.

House of Clutter

First list that I wrote out: 1. laundry area 2. kitchen 3. dining room / table 4. study 5. closet 6. shred papers
Overwhelming...what to really do first?

I broke down the first two on the TO Do list in to little bits and did them :
Kitchen--put up groceries, recycle , empty trash.

Laundry area--start taking everything out of the room, bag up all the plastic bags to take to recycle (unreal). I started sorting out things to throw away versus things to store for Fall/ winter versus give away. I swept up old cat litter crumbs that were sticking around.

3 giant bags of trash later, I guess I'm halfway done. Score!! I found about a dozen white workout socks to wash and about half of the mismatched fuzzy socks that were missing. I found clothes I forgot I ever had.

But, I'm allergic to dust and cat hair and even though I had antihistamines on board, I was nearly having an asthma attack after 2 1/2 hrs.)

"Until tomorrow afternoon , laundry room. I'm gonna finish you!"


Exercise for they day : who needs a gym? I can let anyone who wants have a free workout if you'll help with my clean up--my heart rate was in my target zone. sweated buckets....I'm in the Atlanta suburbs. no fat shaming here.

Food-on target...my treat tonight==cherries and a little reddiwhip

Looking forward to: taking a bath with my St Ives Coconut scented body wash and putting up my clean clothes and going to bed
AND that first cup of coffee in the morning.

I'm glad I get to work at my job tomorrow