Anybody out there ? I'm still here, writing a little just to check in. ED outpatient treatment rolls on and is about to go in to month 3. I'm where I need to be. I want to tell you about it all, but I just can't. Comments off so I just say what I want and not be tied to wanting approval or not. But I want to share this for anyone reading that feels lost, exhausted, or hopeless. I still don't read blogs and probably never will again. I am sad about this, but it keeps me on my path. Perfect eating? nah. More peace of mind? yes. There is discovery every day.
I still have a food plan which is designed to give me what I need and has some freedom, but ultimately is what is healthy for my body. I recognize hunger and fullness signals that I didn't before, or just ignored. I am working on a workbook with one of the therapists. I basically check off as 'yes' to every detail and description of someone with an eating disorder. I work on exploring those beliefs and maybe busting them down. Mindfulness has a big part to play in everyday life now. If you want to check out a workbook one is "Eat drink and Be mindful".
I'm in meal groups, group therapy, individual therapy, nutrition therapy and couples therapy every week. Insurance pays and bundles all in to one cost per treatment day. I have 2 treatment days a week and with travel time that is 15-16 hours a week. I'm so tired that I nap on both Saturday and Sunday. I also have homework to do though. Still working full time. Definitely less time for other things--internet time being one.
I've had individual therapy and nutrition visits for years off and on but never this intense. We covered some of this same ground but at that slower pace. I'm having to work this almost daily and be accountable and share my gut feelings and sad stories and happy successes and the little failures that teach me and make me stronger. I have a treatment team that meets and reviews my progress and and where I need to modify or what I need to focus on next.
If you find you identify with the concept/description of eating disordered, I would recommend you start with individual therapy. I've read books and tried to do it on my own but it takes so much more. I am unlike some of my group members because I've been eating disordered since I was a small child. Years of this to work through.
I needed this and it works for me. I may check in again, but wanted you to know I'm in a good ( but not perfect place.)
1 hour ago